On 29/07/2006, at 4:26 AM, The Eternal Lost Lurker wrote:
This is an idea that hit me while I was working on the third part of
Typhoon, and I just HAD to roll with it. It's a crossover,
and...well...I
hope you enjoy it. ^_^
I did ... for the most part. However, a couple of comments:
It was roughly two metres tall, clad in a form-fitting deep purple
bodysuit
over which it wore a mottled reddish-brown segmented crystalline
armour
which covered its upper torso, thighs, shins, and shoulders. Glossy
red brac
ers of a similar material adorned its arms, and a highly polished,
gleaming
"Bracers" broken over two lines.
Jaspera laughed cruelly as he stared down at the helpless child,
pinned
beneath his blade, head bowed in submission. "Any last words before
I lop
off your head and take that pretty ring, larva?"
The boy raised his eyes...and smirked. "As a matter of fact...yeah. In
brightest day..."
Jaspera's eyes widened.
"In blackest night..."
"H-hey now..."
"No evil shall escape my sight..."
"L-look, don't...don't do anything rash, now..."
"Let those who worship evil's might..."
"...ohbugger."
Conan's eyes were hard and his face defiant as he shouted the final
words:
"BEWARE MY POWER...GREEN LANTERN'S LIGHT!"
And the world around them was lost in an explosion of emerald fire.
*This* part really didn't work for me.
Up until this point, Jaspera seemed like an unusually competent, even
intelligent enemy. (I particularly liked the line about "if you get rid
of the Ring, but not the Ringbearer, sooner or later they'll come back"
-- so true. ^_^)
However, that he should have Conan at his mercy, but then just stand
there and gibber as Conan recites his oath, defies belief. (And, yes,
I *know* that it's a kind of scene that's not exactly unknown in the
canon GL. But it defies belief there, too.)
In short, I was enjoying the story, but this moment really shattered
my sense of immersion. Any chance you can come up with a turning point
that doesn't require the villain to switch off his brain?
...
Beyond that, a fun idea, and of course the purple energy at the end
gives an equally fun idea of where it goes next. Not sure which I'd
rather see, at this point: more of this, or "Typhoon". (Or
"Chibification Nation," for that matter.)
Cheers,
Angus
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angus MacSpon Email: macspon@ihug.co.nz
ICQ: 65719513 http://shell.ihug.co.nz/~macspon/
.---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
| Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
| Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
| Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject |
`---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'