eimii wrote:

BLOOD...

A most ominous title.

You've tried to be both side splittingly funny and advance multiple 
serious plots (old and new) simultaneously. Either alone would have made 
this a good chapter. They really shouldn't mix.

You know that saying that you'll know a great author by when the break 
the rules? Congradulations. This is possibly the most perfectly written 
chapter of anything I've ever read.

*Dammit, is he staring at my forehead?!* 

Hehe. This is the only line I'm going to comment on for it's hilarity, 
because otherwise the comments would be as long as the fic.

Staring at the place where the masked man been standing, Sakura shifted 
uncomfortably. *He said 'stay away _for now_,' and he knew about the 
mission...* Apparently, ANBU was keeping a closer eye on her than she 
realized. *I wonder what they'd do if I were _really_ quitting. After 
reading all those ANBU mission scrolls, I'll bet they'd kill me before they 
let me become a missing nin...*

Serious plot thread #1.

  "Ah, I'm

sorry. My ears must be going in my old age; I could have sworn you were 
someone else," he apologized, setting to work on Sakura's order.

And #2.

Sakura let the tea warm her hands as she stared down at her shadowy 
reflection in the cup. *...I like dango, don't I?* Though the big changes 
scared her, it was sometimes _more_ disturbing when she couldn't tell if she 
was acting like Anko or herself. 

I think technically the ...s in front of Sakura's thoughts are 
incorrect, but they work very well to convey mood and hesitation, so 
keep them.

You need to make more grammar and spelling mistakes so I don't feel 
obligated to point out _something_ to you.

*The next person that %$*#in' sneaks up on me is getting an explosion note 
shoved up her ass...* 

One of these days you need to provide a translation guide.

For once, there was no doubt in her mind as to where _those_ thoughts came 
from. "Would you like some dango?" She offered, viciously stomping down the 
foreign impulses and putting on her sweetest, most innocent smile.

I think you are overusing the _s a little.

"After having a look at your family records, I'm inclined to agree with 
you," Kurenai observed sardonically.

And #3!

Returning to herself, Sakura's gaze drifted from Kurenai's face to the 
improvised missile, then back again. "%$!@#%!"

See, I can't figure out which one this is, and it's driving me _crazy_.

Much to Sakura's relief, this seemed to make Kurenai think for a moment. The 
Lord Haruno was well known for having some rather significant _issues_ with 
the relationship between Konoha and the Fire Country, and it would be wise 
to tread carefully if they wanted his cooperation. 

And #4, if a bit closely tied to #3.

"Hmm..." The jounin's crimson eyes grew pensive, and a hint of worry pinched 
the corners of her mouth. "I'd prefer to at least send Kiba or Shino with 
you as an escort, 

Hehe. Very subtle forshadowing and clue for the future. I caught it on 
the first read through, but I doubt a lot of people will.

Oh, and #5, though there is no way you could spot it until the gate.

"It isn't your safety I'm worried about," Kurenai corrected, giving Sakura a 
wry look that Anko probably knew all too well. 

And how riiight you are!

"...Fine, go. We should catch

up with you early this afternoon if there aren't any unexpected delays."

She will so be kicking herself over this in a few hours.

*_What?_ Oh, for the love of-* It didn't take Kurenai long to realize what 
had happened; she'd been in this situation far more times than she cared to 
remember. "You didn't make her pay when she ordered?" she asked 
incredulously.

She will never be convinced this wasn't intentional.

Tick another box on Yuuhi's list of "things to blame on Anko".

Finishing off her last stick of dango, Sakura contemplated the naked skewer

Those two words shall so take on new meaning later in this chapter.

Thinking about what she'd done stirred conflicting emotions in Sakura. She 
was ashamed of herself, and a little nervous about what Kurenai might do to 
her later, but both of these seemed to only enhance the thrill of the chase. 
Her limbs were light as she fled from the scene of the crime, and she felt 
like she could run for days. *Dammit, it's wrong to feel good about stealing 
food!*

Ho boy. She's addicted.

Sakura could certainly understand _that_ feeling. This entire mission stunk 
of some sort of veiled agenda. If Kurenai could get information on her 
family so easily, it should have been no problem for the diplomatic corps, 
so how had they 'missed' the fact that her parents weren't legally married? 
*If they wanted to make it look like a 'personal request from the Lord of 
Ryuuzai's loving granddaughter,' they should have just made _that_ my 
mission.*

And #5, though I suspect it is intimately tied in with #4.

*Maybe it would have been better to wait for the others.* Kurenai was 
probably pretty experienced in diplomacy, and Sakura was confident that she 
could at least get them an audience. *Whatever; they want me to do 
_something_ here, so I guess I can at least I explain the situation to him. 

I doubt they expected her to explain it quite as bluntly as she did, 
however.

Well, those who hadn't been around her lately, anyway.

The irony wasn't lost on Sakura when the lion-masked ANBU suddenly faded 
into view atop the village wall. Hinata and the chuunin were facing the 
other way, so they didn't notice him; he was probably just warning her not 
to skip town without checking with the guard. *I don't think this is what he 
had in mind when he asked me if I was gonna try out for ANBU,* the pink-
haired girl mused nostalgically. 

Stike one against Sakura's situational awareness. This one is completely 
excusable, however.

When Gai-sensei was coaching her, he'd _insisted_ that she do all sorts of 
silly 'image training' with him, so that she could 'find her sense of style' 
and learn to project 'the power and beauty of youth.' A forgiving 
interpretation might call the stupid poses and corny lines a very bizarre 
form of psychological warfare, but Sakura had never found a use for them 
until now. 

GAI-SENSEIIII! Once again your greatness and wisdom is proven even to 
the deepest doubters! Yosh!

Also, it's no wonder Hinata's crushing on Sakura when she's so much like 
  Naruto. Dye her hair and dress her in orange, and I bet Hinata would 
faint.

Hinata seemed surprised by the suggestion, and Sakura could see the 
indecision gnawing at the dark-haired girl as she reflexively glanced down 
at her feet before catching herself and looking at Sakura's face instead. 
"I'm not..." Chewing her lip, Hinata wouldn't make eye contact, but after a 
second she gave a jerky nod. "I- yes, that would be fine." 

And HERE is where I clued in something was seriously wrong. Crap, 
Hinata-chan, that's rough. I suppose Sakura can be excused for being 
distracted enough to miss this clue.

I wonder where Hinata was originally planning to run away to? Probably 
hadn't planned that far.

*Hmm... I guess she hasn't been briefed yet.* 

The incredible ability of the intelligent to convince themselves of what 
they never think to question. I love how subtle yet consistent you are 
with this whole setup.

"But what if your uncles dropped the charges?" Hinata prodded insistently. 
"Then, couldn't your parents get married?"

You sadistic bastard, just tell us already!

"It is not!" Stretching her arms above her head and then lazily letting them 
drop to her sides, Sakura sighed in exasperation. "I know it sounds like 
something outta some silly manga, but when a _real_ nobleman can't

For a wonderful moment, I thought you made a mistake and needed a who 
between real and nobleman. I felt useful, needed! Then I realized I was 
wrong. Now I feel depressed.

"Gah! Now I _know_ you're teasing me," Sakura deadpanned, not feeling any 
real animosity toward the giggling brunette. It was nice to see Hinata relax 
for a change. *It sounds more like something out of one of broom-head's 
dirty books, though.*

I'm sure Hinata is intimately familiar with them.

"'_Princess..._'" Snorting, Sakura favored the white-eyed girl with a flat 
stare. "The _real_ Lady Haruno would skin me alive if I ever said something 
stupid like that.

Not that that will stop her from using it when it suits you, will it?

*Oops, looks like I pushed too hard.* She should have known that Hinata 
would back down from an argument, even if it was all in good fun. Mentally 
kicking herself, Sakura wracked her brain for something else that might coax 
the shy girl out of her shell. *Hmm, forbidden romance...* A flash of 
inspiration lit behind wicked emerald eyes, and Sakura gave Hinata a 
conspiratorial grin. "Heh, if you think _that's_ crazy, listen to this..."

Yeah, I guess there isn't any good way to indicate the change in style 
to the next part in plain text, is there? It took me a little while to 
figure out exactly what happened.

And, good lord, I've read entire fics shorter than that story.

"The Lord Haruno isn't the _real_ Lord Haruno?!" Hinata sputtered, 
forgetting her impeccable Hyuuga manners for a moment. "And your 
grandmother, was it really- or did he-" holding her hands apart like she 
wasn't sure what to do with them, she stared beseechingly at the other girl.

I suggest she wring her hands. That's what I pictured reading the 
paragraph, before I even got to the description of what her hands were 
doing.

"He might not know about it. The battle happened before he was born," Sakura 

Heh. Thou shalt speek no ill of Iruka. For once, Sakura and Anko are in 
complete agreement!

hat.* This was already shaping up to be another _beautiful_ day on planet 
Sakura (population: at least three). 

Ok, I lied. Bwahahaha!

Slowing to a jog, Sakura tried to control her heavy, labored breathing and 
looked back to see how far behind Hinata was. *This is harder than I 
thought...* 

In theory, if she could use chakra to support her own body weight on the 
surface of a moving river, it should be easy for her to ward off a few 
measly little raindrops. In practice, however, releasing chakra from your 
hands or feet was _much_ easier than, say, releasing it from the back of 
your head. Despite her best efforts, her hair was still noticeably damp, and 
she was quickly tiring herself out.

I forgot about Kakashi's claim that the feet were the hardest, but think 
about where you see chakra expelled from. I "figure" the difficulty is 
tied to how precise your senses are at that spot.

So, the hands and mouth are the easiest location to precisely control 
chakra. The soles of your feet, being comparatively insensitive, would 
be much harder. Most of the skin would be very hard, as the resoltution 
is smaller. The eyes are great for visual jutsu, but you aren't going to 
see any ninja imitating Cyclops since you can't feel anything moving 
around inside your eye and can't focus on anything right outside it.


Ok, I need to prep myself before reading the bath scene again. Wait a 
day or two while I get myself prescribed some tranquilizers.

William

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