This is probably another blank message, for no readily apparent
reason. Or I get to make a fool of myself for predicting such, when
it'll actually work. Let's see!
The Blunt Force Trauma of Suzumiya Haruhi
Chapter two: In which our narrator talks with some friends.
A 'Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi' fanfic.
Disclaimer: The novel 'Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu' is the creation of
Nagaru Tanigawa. I do not know the producers yet, but the animation
company responsible is Kyoto Animation. No disrespect is intended by
the posting of this fanfiction, as I do not own the characters or
settings involved. I'm merely dabbling with another set of paints.
;)
---------------------------------
"What have you done?"
Again, this demand is asked with demented respect to personal space.
Which is to say, it's not respected at all. "You're too close,
Koizumi-kun."
The tousle-haired esper backs off, his smile gone. "I apologize.
Now, what have you done?"
And how did we get here? Well.... After getting home late, I slept
in, once more dragged out of bed -- little sisters can be quite
useful, I suppose. Then I fell asleep at the breakfast table, until
Mikuru came by and asked if I was feeling well.
After that we walked to school in our separate thoughts -- me
wondering why she was pretending, and her, I suppose, wondering how
much I knew. It was not as pleasant as it should have been.
When we got to school, everything proceeded as normal, except for me
not having my homework. Well, sorry, Okabe-sensei. I put figuring
Haruhi out as a more important task at that point. At lunch, Mikuru
did not try to corner me as she had lately.
Instead, I was pulled aside by Koizumi and taken to the rooftop where
we were unlikely to be interrupted. I know why, of course, thanks to
Yuki. But, "People will get the wrong idea, Koizumi-kun."
He stares at me, bewildered. Then he reassumes his old expression,
that confident glint in his eyes and the phony smile. "I see that you
somehow made it, Kyon. I was worried, you know. A man with no
powers, against Haruhi? You are very lucky."
It's not luck at all. "Don't I know it. Say. Do any of your powers
still work? Is Haruhi still generating closed space?"
He nods brusquely. "More than ever," he admits after a moment,
turning away. "It's been especially bad since ... we ended up in this
new world. But when you joined our club, it got even worse. I think
you may be a bad influence on Suzumiya-san."
"Are you jealous that your girlfriend pays more attention to me than
you?" A low blow, I realize, but I'm not able to help myself.
Koizumi shoots me a dark scowl, which I appreciate. Genuine emotion
from him seems rare; I prefer Yuki-chan's almost complete lack to his
fakery. And knowing that Yuki-chan is watching over me for now also
lets me provoke Koizumi more than I would usually. Though, I should
probably get to the point; we do have a problem to take care of.
"How much of your Agency is intact?"
"None of it," he replies blithely. "There are still espers in this
world, but they are a separate group, which I am not part of. Let us
call them the Coalition. They allow me to fight alongside them, but
see me as some kind of rogue agent. Haruhi preserved me and my
status, for some reason, but not any of my colleagues."
This sounds honest. And while he gives fake emotion, I've never
known Koizumi to actually lie. Well, except for the murder-mystery on
the island, but that was something of a special occasion. "Ah. I
suppose you don't know anything about the Coalition?"
"They don't trust me very much, but I've only known them for a few
days," he says with a shrug. "Maybe later. For the time being, I
know that they suspect me of interfering with Suzumiya's emotional
state. I think they only tolerate me because I have the same powers
some of them do, and fight the Celestials in closed space with them."
"Ah," I say. "Before everything happened, Nagato told us what the
notebook was supposed to do."
"But it was missing pages, and the Yuki-san we have here doesn't have
Nagato's powers," Koizumi warns me. Wrongly, of course, but I decide
not to reveal that trump card just yet. "Asahina-san may know more,
but she's playing a strange game."
"Yes. Well, I'll talk to her tonight. It's the missing pages I'm
worried about. What could have made Haruhi want you as a boyfriend?"
For an instant, I think Koizumi actually looks hurt! Nah.... Must be
my imagination. He's just tired from fighting Celestials.
"What did you do to make her give up on you?" he counters.
Neither of us are particularly pleased with one-another just now.
We've never been truly adversarial before, and even if Koizumi did
want to get rid of me, his powers don't work in normal space. And the
Coalition is not the Agency. Won't that be a pain.... Well, if all
goes well, the Coalition will be erased, and our old world will come
back.
This is the only way I can really cope with having erased a copy of
Yuki. I'm not sure how ready I am to actually try and destroy this
world to restore the old one. But this one is falling apart, slowly
but surely....
"That's a good question to ask," I say, instead of what I feel like
saying. 'Hey! Take that back!' or 'What do you mean by that?' are
responses I'd like to throw at him. But it is a mystery. Haruhi
always resented Mikuru and I being close. Why would Haruhi make me
Mikuru's boyfriend?
"I thought so," Koizumi says softly, smiling again as he relaxes into his mask.
I turn my back to him and stare at the sky. "Is your girlfriend
looking for you?"
"We hardly seem to be dating," Koizumi says after a moment. "It
seems really more like a name to call one-another. We don't walk home
together. She never brings me lunch. We don't hold hands. We don't
actually go on dates."
I'm not sure why I feel relieved at that. "So she didn't change
herself," I say. "Except for her hair."
"That ... puzzles me," Koizumi allows. "I think it means something,
but I'm not sure what."
I could guess, but it would just be a guess. I'd rather exchange my
notes with Yuki-chan, even though.... Maybe that's not such a good
idea. Koizumi is a no-risk alternative. "I never told you how I got
out of the space that you met me in, that night, did I?" I say,
looking at him over my shoulder.
"I can guess," he says after a moment. "Asahina-san said it was her
fault, and mentioned ... well ... Snow White. The old Yuki-san said
Sleeping Beauty. You woke her with a kiss, right?"
"Yeah," I say, frowning. There's more, there, but first: "Have you
tried kissing Haruhi?"
His smile vanishes and he looks away. I'm hard pressed not to grin.
"Didn't work, huh?"
"No," he says flatly, rubbing at his jaw. "It did not."
"Anyway," I continue, looking back to the sky. "When we were in that
space, I told her I liked how her hair was, once. In a ponytail. The
next day, after I woke up in bed, knowing it wasn't a dream, but
wishing it was, she wore her hair in a ponytail again."
"Ah? But now her hair's just a ... a mess," he says, shaking his
head. "What do you suppose it could all mean?"
"Let's go back to your terrible speech in that car ride," I suggest.
"You said, 'How can we tell the world wasn't created three years ago',
right?"
"That's close enough," he allows.
"Well, now we know this world is only five days old. But we have
only our memories to tell us this is true. Your Agency is gone. My
foundation for understanding Haruhi -- she cut her hair when I noticed
it -- is likewise gone. The Yuki-san in this world when we arrived
was not our human-contact purposed interface. Asahina-san's memories
would have been erased, if she weren't from an alternate time-plane,
or if Haruhi understood time-travel better. Only your memories and
mine should have remained intact."
"Are you saying ... this world isn't so bad? If we can't anchor what
was to what is, we should let go?" Koizumi asks.
"Hardly. And aren't more and more Celestials showing up?"
"Yes," he admits. "But Suzumiya-san has no knowledge of them; we
could use them as a gauge to verify that our world was real, too."
"That's true. And there's more," I add. "I won't give away all of
the secrets, but I think we believe in the old world. We know it was
real."
"Of course. So Suzumiya-san's hair is longer because it would be
impossible? And it's so ... wild ... so we can't ignore it?"
Hey, if you throw enough clues at Koizumi, he can build a pretty good
hypothesis! "Yes," I say, nodding, even though I had no idea where I
was going. But he likes those long speeches with big words; trust him
to get something useful out of it.
"I have to think on this further," Koizumi finally says. "I do want
to warn you, though.... The Coalition may see you as a danger,
because of the instability you are causing in Suzumiya-san." Like the
Agency might not make the same claim?
"I thought so," I say with a shrug. "Come on. Let's get something
to eat. We'll talk tomorrow, after the club meeting." Which,
unfortunately, coincides with the end of my window of protection from
Yuki. Well, I'll have until the evening, and then maybe I can get
Koizumi on my side ... and in the meantime, Mikuru-chan and I will
have a talk on the way home.
***
Another day of playing in the clubroom. It used to be that playing
games and hanging out with people I considered friends was my favorite
part of the Brigade. But now?
Yuki is reading her book -- this time it's something called 'The
Cryptonomicon' -- and may become a potential enemy.
Koizumi is staring at the Risk board between us in determination.
He's already my enemy. He just took all of Europe. But even beyond
that, he may turn against me. I think he'll support the Coalition
over the Brigade, unless I can convince him that I can get everything
changed back. And depending on how things go, I may anger them a
whole lot before I can figure things out.
Mikuru is marshalling her forces in Australia, but has such a
pitiable defense that she won't last. And she's also keeping the
truth from me. I'm not sure I can blame her, or that she's an enemy.
It seems to me she really is an observer, and more of one than Yuki.
It also seems that she's trying to avoid the truth because she wants
to make Haruhi happy. And defend me, of course.
"Okay," Haruhi declares, as her forces storm across Mikuru's front
lines with the tossed dice. "This territory will be mine!"
And Haruhi. The cause of this, and probably the answer, too.
Though, I don't want to play with fire right now, so I'll let sleeping
brigade chiefs lie. Until I don't have another choice, but by then,
I'm sure I'll be forced into it.
Mikuru manages a whimper as her territories begin to slip. I fortify
my position in South America and battle Koizumi on another front for
control of the North, but there's no way I can reach Mikuru in time to
try and help. And she's supposed to be protecting me?
Oh well.
The game doesn't last much longer.
Koizumi and I are evenly matched, until Haruhi begins to assault his
rear flanks; he falls quickly and I can't fortify before the tide of
what I imagine to be dozens of Haruhi clones in military berets storm
my front lines.
"I am now the supreme ruler of the world," Haruhi says in satisfaction.
"Yes. Yes, you are," Koizumi agrees.
"Of this one, anyway," I point out. Mikuru flinches slightly;
Koizumi gives me a sharp look. I quickly add, "Why don't we play
again? Yuki-chan, you should join us." Ah, wait. I should have said
Nagato.
Everyone's too preoccupied with my first comment to remark on that.
Except for Haruhi, and she's too taken up with the challenge. "Okay!
But if I beat you again, Kyon, you know what that means!"
"Penalty?" I guess.
Haruhi's grin slips slightly. "Yeah," she says, while Koizumi begins
cleaning up the pieces, and Yuki-chan stows her book. "But how did
you know?" Haruhi asks. "And.... Yuki-chan, where are your glasses?"
"I will play Africa," Yuki replies in her soft monotone. "I like green."
Koizumi obligingly gives the green pieces to her, while Mikuru sticks
with red. Koizumi himself is blue, Haruhi is yellow, and I'm stuck
with black. I guess that's not so bad.
"You didn't answer my question," Haruhi notes. "Disobedience to the
Brigade chief is also punishable with a-"
"Penalty," I interrupt. "I know. Mikuru-chan's told me all about it."
Haruhi deflates at this. "Oh," she says quietly. Mikuru, now, claps
one hand over her mouth, eyes widening in realization. "Well, anyway,
don't lose, Kyon, or else you're in real trouble!"
Don't I know it....
"No cheating! And Koizumi, let's be allies, since we're dating."
Oh, like that's fair?
"Mikuru, you should help your boyfriend, too."
"Um...." She looks nervous. And while I don't mind her company in
the least, she's not much help in this fight. I hope whatever I
actually plan goes better than this game.
"I will also ally with Kyon," Yuki-chan says softly.
"Fine, but you can't pass messages or anything," Haruhi warns.
"Let's roll to see who goes first."
Haruhi, Koizumi, Mikuru, Yuki-chan. Then, of course, me. How can I
roll three on three six-sided dice? Oh well. I guess Haruhi really
wants to win. I wonder what exactly her penalty is. Probably
something inane now, like paying for a double-date.
Yuki doesn't know the rules initially, and any suggestion I make is
going to be overheard by Haruhi and Kyon. Mikuru is destroyed very
quickly, reduced to watching her armies vanish while whimpering. So
Yuki plays defensively, and I try and fight my way into Europe, so we
can at least share some borders.
Koizumi is just following Haruhi's lead, but the dice certainly seem
to be favoring her. Still, there's an undeniable element of skill in
this game, too. Unfortunately for me, I think Koizumi's a better
tactician, and I'm stuck trying to fight both of them. And to think I
said we were evenly matched last round.�
The game shifts abruptly when Yuki figures things out and attacks
Koizumi. This leaves me free to deal with Haruhi, a risky
proposition, but.... Unnerving. Maybe this game _is_ what's going
on.
If it is, I have to act decisively. I employ the unusual and
typically losing strategy of trying to attack her strongest armies,
instead of getting behind her lines. Haruhi looks more and more upset
the more the dice don't actually favor her.
Could it be.... Just like Yuki-chan said? Haruhi's powers protect
me from herself? Yuki, meanwhile, has pinned Koizumi down into a
single territory in North America -- Canada, of course -- while I
march to meet her across previously Haruhi-controlled Asia. In short
order, the world is ours. And I even managed to get Australia, to
avenge Mikuru.
Haruhi's eyes flash angrily. "A...anyway," she says, sniffing, "now
you two need to fight it out. Otherwise it wasn't fair, since it was
three on two."
I look at the map. Yuki and I share too many borders to fight
cleanly. The alliance leaves us both in questionable state. It's
Yuki's turn, anyway. She reaches for the dice, then pauses and looks
at me with that same, unreadable expression she almost always wears.
"My, won't _this_ be interesting," Koizumi murmurs.
"I surrender," I decide abruptly. "The people of Kyon-land are tired
of war, and find the leader of Yuki-stan to be a merciful dictator."
"Oh, really?" Haruhi asks, suddenly looking very confused. "What
about Mikuru, then?"
She nods tearfully, and I'd almost forgotten about her. Almost, I
say; such cuteness always leaves some impression, I assure you. "I've
already got control of Australia," I say with a shrug. "As long as
Yuki-chan lets me keep it in her memory, I think we'll get along."
Haruhi frowns. "Well," she says slowly. "Okay. But, since you
surrendered...." She grins abruptly. "You still lose!"
"What?" Is she serious?
"Penalty!"
...apparently so.
I sigh and stand up, bowing slightly. "Of course, Suzumiya-sama.
But, since you didn't win, what does Yuki-chan demand from the
subjugated former rulers?"
"That's not what I said!" Haruhi protests, her grin slipping. "I
said you were going to suffer a penalty!"
"Yeah ... and I did lose. But you didn't beat me."
Haruhi scowls, and Koizumi flinches, looking at his cell-phone and
shooting me a very dark look. Oh, right. Closed space.
I probably shouldn't have antagonized her. But I can't help it; her
expression when I do is priceless.
"Just kidding!" I say, offering what I hope is a placating grin. I
don't like how much that makes me feel like Koizumi. "What's my
penalty, Suzumiya-san?"
Haruhi looks wary for a moment, then nods. "You get two penalties
for mouthing off like that," she warns. "Yuki-chan can decide the
other one. But now ... you have to kiss your girlfriend!"
"Eh!?" Mikuru exclaims, falling out of her seat and staring up, eyes
wide and panicked. "B...but...."
"Do it," Haruhi urges. "You betrayed her and let her fall in battle,
Kyon! Prove your love and apologize."
Well. This is a fascinating insight. I'm starting to think I know
what was on those pages. "Are you mad!? _Here_? Right _now_?" I
can't really speak as calmly as I think, though. I shouldn't be
surprised, considering that I've seen Haruhi molest Mikuru, but still.
"I...it's okay," Mikuru insists, managing a weak smile. "It's not
our first kiss after all." Yes it is! ...isn't it?
Yes. Yes, of course it is. Will be. _Would_ be.
Haruhi flinches slightly at that, but quickly masks it with a shrug.
"Well, whatever. But hurry it up! Yuki gets to choose a penalty,
too!" Koizumi is already opening the door. "Hey! Where do you think
you're going?"
"Work," he says apologetically, giving me a glance. "I'll see you
tomorrow. With any luck."
I guess I got the better job between the two of us. As he leaves, I
can feel a tingle in the back of my head ... the activation of his
power, I guess. It startles me, even with Yuki-chan's warning, and
leaves me somewhat stunned. Mikuru takes the initiative and stands in
front of me, tilting her head up, closing her eyes, and ever so
slightly pursing her lips.
I want to look away, or tell her she shouldn't ... but it's a bit
late for that now. Haruhi looks like she's very conflicted. "Well?"
she says through clenched teeth.
Oh, man. How am I going to get out of this one? I can't just leave
Mikuru hanging.... But then.... Oh, man!
"I have my demand," Yuki-chan says suddenly. Haruhi blinks, and
Mikuru falters, opening her eyes and turning to look in surprise.
"What's that?" Haruhi asks, raising an eyebrow. "You're with me, right?"
"I have defeated Koizumi, and Kyon has defeated you," Yuki explains.
"Kyon has deferred to me, and Mikuru represented the least challenge."
Well, there's Yuki-chan's stark honesty. Mikuru whimpers again slightly.
"Logically, since Kyon and I were the two survivors, and all others
failed, this makes Kyon and I the most superior leaders."
Haruhi blinks. "What, you want him to kiss _you_?"
Yuki pauses and shifts her gaze from Haruhi to me, as though
considering. Don't look at me like that, Yuki-chan! It was hard
enough to make myself leave your place last night! Don't make me
think it wasn't just my imagination!
Haruhi begins to scowl. "Is _that_ why your glasses are missing?
You wanted to look your best for Kyon?" Then she mutters under her
breath, staring at the floor, "Maybe I got it wrong. I can redo it
though, right?"
I don't think I liked the sound of that. Mikuru looks wary, too.
Were we supposed to hear that? I suspect not.
Yuki turns to look at Haruhi again. "The two second-best leaders
after myself would appear to be yourself and Kyon. As a measure to
ensure loyalty among the captured armies, and to demonstrate my
superiority, I order you to kiss Kyon."
Haruhi's eyes bug out. Oh, man. Koizumi is going to blame me for
this one, and in my imagination, fifty new instances of closed space
just appeared. But it's worth it! That innocent and terrified look
she gets when even she realizes she's crossed a line.... Priceless, I
tell you.
"What?!" she sputters. "But, but.... But I already have a
boyfriend! And, anyway, he's already got a girlfriend, too!"
"Yes," Yuki agrees. "This is why it is a demonstration of my power.
Only by showing the people of your former countries my true strength
can I assure that my rule will be unbroken."
"You're taking this too seriously," Haruhi scoffs. "No penalties."
"Ah," Yuki-chan says, before turning around and picking up her book,
flipping to her bookmark and resuming.
Yuki-chan, I must say again, I am grateful for your protection. And
really, I need to watch out for what happens if I you are turned
against me.
"What's that book about, anyway?" Haruhi asks her suspiciously.
"Covert communications, World War Two, general interest," she replies
without looking up. "Also, romance."
"Figures," Haruhi grumbles. "She was reading a war book. So it
doesn't matter anyway. Well, I'm going home." She storms out without
another word.
Once she's gone, I sigh, hanging my head. "I hope she doesn't get
upset enough to put us through this again," I groan, rubbing at my
forehead. "I'll just be happy once everything goes back to normal."
"Eep!" Mikuru manages, slumping into a nearby chair, tears filling
her eyes. "I thought.... I mean-"
"It's okay," I say with a shake of my head. "Yuki-chan-"
"I would like to go the library tomorrow before I leave," Yuki-chan
says, before I can continue. Then she looks up over her book. "Is
that my penalty for winning?"
"My penalty for losing," I correct her. Though, it's probably not
much of a penalty when I think about it. And the library will be
better than her place. Safer, I mean. "That's fine. Should we walk
home, Mikuru-chan?"
"Y...yes," she says, not meeting my eyes.
***
Mikuru and I walk down the hill -- yes, that same hill -- together.
Not hand in hand, as she's asked me to before. Now she's holding her
bag before her in both hands, staring at the road between her feet.
"So," I say with a sigh. "I think I have an idea of what was on
those pages we never saw."
"W...which pages?" Mikuru asks, finally meeting my eyes with a sidelong glance.
"The ones that were torn out of the notebook that Taniguchi left for
Haruhi," I reply. "Before she rewrote the world, remember?"
Mikuru flinches slightly. "Ah," she says quietly. "I wasn't sure.
I thought it was about you ... and maybe me."
"Yeah," I agree. "I think that Taniguchi told her that her powers
wouldn't work on me."
"That's not true at all," Mikuru protests. "She already has worked
her powers on you before! Er, that is...."
"Classified?" I ask, smirking.
"W...well.... It's not classified since it's not actually in this
timeplane, she says hesitantly. "Not anymore, really.... But I don't
think you want to know."
"I might," I counter. "This could actually be really important. I
know that.... That I've been changed in other ways, but what did
Haruhi do?"
"She.... Well.... On the island."
"The island," I murmur, frowning. "I thought.... Koizumi and I had
thought that Haruhi might have made something there. She saw a
shadow, a figure. I never did, but she believed in it. We were
afraid she might have created ... a monster or something."
"No," Mikuru says, shaking her head quickly. "Our records indicate
that no one on that island was injured."
"That doesn't mean that something wasn't created. Maybe Koizumi's
Agency was just able to deal with it," I counter. To say nothing of
Yuki-chan's explanation of non-linear timeplanes.
"But.... Well, trust me," she says with surprising confidence. "She
didn't create anything there, though she might have destroyed
something."
"Huh? What exactly did she do?"
We fall silent then, at the base of the hill. Several younger
students from one of the lower grade schools are marching past. All
boys, almost all of them carrying baseball equipment. When they're
out of earshot, Mikuru slowly says, "It's difficult to be certain, but
Haruhi appears to have used you as a catalyst to make changes to the
island. Your thoughts about the shadow creature didn't occur until
later, did they? When you were on the boat back?"
I think I just figured something out. "So, Koizumi's Agency
eventually becomes the group that runs your own isn't it?"
Mikuru blushes and looks away. "That's classified."
Of course. And you're right, Mikuru. Maybe they're just related, or
Koizumi himself became part of the group that Mikuru is from.
Speculation doesn't really help right now, and it doesn't matter at
the moment.
"Ah.... Anyway. Um. It seems that Suzumiya-san was uncertain what
was going to happen. She was afraid, because she thought that ... you
accidentally...." Mikuru trails off and swallows anxiously.
"Thought that I'd killed someone," I offer. Though, now that I think
about it, I actually _have_. I'm sorry, alternate-Yuki-san. But I'm
going to do worse before this is over, I think. Does it make it okay
if it's all a dream when I'm done?
I sure hope so.
"Y...yes. Suzumiya-san couldn't accept that, though. But she
couldn't find a way to explain what had happened. She wasn't the
detective she wanted to be. Or, she couldn't be without ... doing
something that would get you in trouble."
"Yeah," I agree. "That would be very troublesome. But what did she
do to _me_?"
"She made you more deductive," Mikuru says slowly. "I think. It's
hard to be certain; it appears that she can also exercise her power
through other people."
"What?" Now she's lost me completely.
"Ah.... Suzumiya-san believes in you, Kyon. And what she believes
in does tend to affect changes to the timeplane. So ... I think she
couldn't find an answer. She decided to believe in you, and you were
able to come up with a solution because she believed in you."
Well, I did explain it to Haruhi after that. How the entire thing
was staged, and.... Now that I actually think about it, that does
explain my behavior more. Why would I have stood by idly and watched
the murder-mystery unfold, especially knowing how dangerous Haruhi's
belief could be? I would have given her hints, not explained
everything at the very end.
Well, okay, I might have toyed with Koizumi, but I could have done
that without letting Haruhi get upset. "So you're saying she made me
smart enough to see a way through it, and then used my explanation to
say that's how things really were?" I ask.
"Yes," Mikuru says, nodding. "And ... this is important ... it
appears that when it comes from you, because Suzumiya-san believes in
you, you amplify her strength. You didn't address the shadow she saw,
which might have been, for example, a real murderer. So if it was,
that person was ... removed. They didn't fit in your explanation, and
it was probably easiest for her to believe it was just ... well ...
her imagination."
I heave a sigh. "She believes in me," I murmur. It's not exactly
news, but hearing that speech from Mikuru, I realize that it's more
important than I'd really considered. It's not really protection from
Haruhi's powers ... though, I think she couldn't hurt me. Not
directly, anyway. This seems to mesh with what happened when I kissed
her, the last time we were in danger of her rewriting the world.
"Wow," I finally say. "That's something to think about."
Mikuru nods quietly. "So, what do you think was on the pages, then?"
"What if ... it was something that said Haruhi's powers couldn't make
me do something? It'd have to be that. Something about that, and
you."
"C...could it be, you think," and here, Mikuru's face flushes almost
beet red, "that we.... That we...." She falters there and stares
abashedly at the street, coming to a halt.
I turn around to face her when I notice, then look up at the sky.
Still no convenient cut to the next scene, sadly.
"Do you suppose it said that I was in love with you, and that Haruhi
couldn't change that?" I ask. "Maybe that's why, here, she has us
dating?"
"Y...yes," Mikuru manages. There's a long moment of uncomfortable
silence. This could get ugly. "K...Kyon-kun?"
"Yes?" I am still staring at the sky, not what I'm sure are now
tear-filled eyes.
"I think that.... Oh." There's a sound I'm not sure I can make
out; it sounds something like cloth sliding across cloth. Mikuru's
voice is much softer, and filled with melancholy when she speaks
again. "Is this world so bad?"
"It's falling apart," I answer apologetically. "I, uh, haven't seen
it happening yet, but I know there are problems that are going to get
worse. And really, it's pretty terrible just that Suzumiya-san is in
denial. We know that she has to know what she is, even if she's
acting differently. So we have to know why."
"So we can fix it?" Mikuru asks quietly. "Even though you're okay,
and Koizumi-kun is with us ... and I don't know how, but Yuki-san is
here, too."
"But.... Koizumi is struggling with Celestials in closed space.
Yuki-san has her own problems. You're not acting like the Mikuru I
know, having to pretend we're dating. Haruhi's just.... Even if we
have the Brigade here, it's not really our world."
"Am _I_ so terrible?" Mikuru asks in a soft, almost broken whisper.
Ah, yes. I was expecting this. Somehow, that doesn't soften the
blow. I'm hit, and look down into those eyes. Softer, more
tear-filled and vulnerable than I'd been afraid of.
By the way, guilt is a raging fire that erupts from your stomach. It
feels like acid, tearing away your insides and scorching the back of
your eyes. It twists your heart into knots, and then squeezes your
lungs flat. Not pleasant. Pray that you never burn in these fires.
"No," I say, though it sounds like a gasp. Damn, why are my eyes
watering? "You're not! And.... If things...." I trail off there.
What can I say?
"Kyon-kun," Mikuru says, and at this, tears spill down her cheeks.
If there is a single witness to this event, I will be killed at school
tomorrow, though I suspect I may welcome that sweet release. Those
tears are like fuel for the bonfire raging inside my gut; it swells up
and burns brighter, hotter. Angrily burning away. My eyes sting and
I blink several times to try and clear them. "Is it wrong to want to
be happy? You don't need to do this to yourself. This world isn't
perfect, but Suzumiya-san can make another one! She can get it right,
and you won't have to.... You don't...."
My eyes shut, and I feel the delicate dab of Mikuru's handkerchief
touching my face, cleaning up the spilled.... So that was the cloth
noise from earlier.
Hey, I'm a man! I'm not crying! I just ... oh, damn it. This hurts
too much. The last thing I wanted to know what that Mikuru liked me
-- really liked me. It was so much easier when I could tell myself
she only pretended for Haruhi's benefit.
Gaining confidence, Mikuru goes on, "It could all work out. I don't
know what you did, but you could even take Yuki-chan with us. We
could all be friends, and Suzumiya-san wouldn't make you--"
"Mikuru-chan," I say, wresting my self-control back from the void I
was sliding into, trying to flee the fire. I grab her shoulders,
gently. Her balls into fists, and she raises them together, bunched
just below her chin as she shrinks in on herself and looks up at me
hopefully, lips pursing ever so slightly. Not kissing her has to be
the hardest thing I think I've ever done.
"Mikuru-chan," I say again, turning my head slightly to one side and
closing my eyes. "I can't do that. I can't move from world to world.
I want our own world back."
"But.... But if we go there, then I can't.... I mean, we won't...."
"We'll be together," I say fervently. "For a while, at least. And,
anyway, I know that we can't work things out like that. Why else
would your future self come and warn me about what happened that
night?"
"But that was a different timeplane!" Mikuru protests. "They may not
be linear, but enough changes will cascade into a new series of
realities anyway -- that didn't happen, now! We have a chance!"
Ah ... more fuel for the fire. Not opening my eyes. Most certainly
not. I can't afford to lose my conviction. "Does it hurt?" I ask
quietly.
"W...what? You mean, time travel? I'm sorry, that's ... that's classified."
"No. I mean, does it hurt, watching me try and take care of Haruhi,
and not being close to me? Do you feel abandoned, ignored ...
miserable? Knowing that if you get close to me, terrible things will
happen?"
"Yes! Yes, that's it exactly!"
Maybe Haruhi did make me more deductive. I don't think I ever could
have.... No. I don't think that's it. I think I just didn't _want_
to know this. "How do you think Haruhi feels right now?"
I feel Mikuru collapse in my grasp, tumbling into me as she sobs, her
arms wrapping around me, her face buried in my shirt. "Oh, Kyon," she
sniffles, as I reflexively hug her tightly. "I thought you liked me!"
Another wrenching pain as the fire flares up again. "I do," I
manage. "I do, Mikuru-chan."
"So why hurt yourself over her!?"
"Because...." I've managed to avoid this for so long.... Too long,
really. "Because I think everything will really work out better if
_she's_ happy."
She slumps again, though she doesn't pull away. "Oh," she says
quietly. "I.... Oh."
After a minute of this, I open my eyes. As expected, we now have
spectators. A few students from school, watching from out of earshot.
Boys, all of them. Angry and huge, too.
Life just keeps getting better all the time. I wish I could blame
Haruhi for this one, but I'm pretty sure it's all my fault.
Damn.
"I want to be with you, Mikuru-chan." Oh, you have no idea how cute
you really are. And you know, if Haruhi weren't around.... No.
Haruhi believes in me. And ... well.... "But I feel responsible for
her. I don't know why, but she's really kind of vulnerable when you
look at how much power she actually has. Look at where we are now!"
Mikuru nods, though really she just rubs her face against my shirt.
"I understand," she says weakly.
"Do you?" I ask. "Mikuru, I'm.... I do like you. I really do."
Oh, that feels so good to admit! If only.... "I'm sorry, but-"
"That's okay," she says, breaking away with a giggle, though tears
are still in her eyes. She wipes at her face briefly with her
handkerchief. "You like me. Even if we can't.... Well, that's
enough for me." She hesitates, then gives me a look I'd never seen
from her before, one that looks kind of ... sly. "You know, I'm going
to be in a lot of trouble for telling you what I did, if we do manage
to get back."
"Oh, great," I say. More good news.
"Will you still take care of me, like you promised, if that happens?"
That doesn't sound anything like your original request at all!
You're asking for something impossible, and we could just get in more
trouble! Way more trouble! "Of course, Mikuru-chan. I promise you."
What the hell was that!? Stupid, traitorous mouth! Always getting
me in trouble.
"Then that's the most I can ask for," she says with a shrug, breaking
our embrace. "Thank you, Kyon-kun." She takes me hand before I can
protest, and leads me towards the path home, away from our simmering
observers.
"Wait, what does that mean?" I ask, frowning. "We need to be
careful, you know."
"Of course," she agrees. "And I won't try and make more trouble. I
was responsible for it once already." Twice, you mean. Well, no.
That was really more Taniguchi, when I think about it. "But now we
need to figure out how to get things back to normal. I suppose you
don't have any ideas?"
"Not yet," I admit. "I've been having trouble thinking about it for
the last few minutes." Mikuru-chan is soft, by the way. Very, very
soft. Her hands are nice, too. Augh! This isn't helping! "What are
_you_ planning, holding hands like this, and making me give you such
promises?"
"Silly," she chastises me. "Suzumiya-san believes in you, Kyon. If
she believes in you as much as I do, then I'm certain you'll find a
way."
We don't say anything else the entire walk home, though she drops me
off at my place first. Just as well; I need to lie down.
What a day!
***
I try and focus on my homework. I end up spacing through most of it.
Towards the end, the requisite little sister interruption occurs,
though it's quite welcome by now.
It lets me evade all of the, "Where is your girlfriend? Isn't she
going to visit you today?" and related questions that my mom seems to
want to ask. And my head is still clear enough to help her with her
own homework.
Simple math, simple science, simple history.... Simple things,
ultimately. It's not like she has 'save the world from Haruhi
(again)' as an assignment.
But the welcome break inevitably ends, then I struggle through my
homework, scribbling in random answers for the last few math
questions. I don't really care anymore. I know I should, but aren't
I plotting to destroy this world? Well. Plotting for Haruhi to do
it.
This is actually much trickier than it sounds. If anyone else could
do it, I'd be glad to step back and let them.
Maybe Yuki, then....
That thought in mind, I slam my books shut and go to sleep. I'm tired.
***
Another day of Okabe-sensei and the others, though I can ward off
their complaints with homework this time. Can't they have a little
sympathy for a guy who's just come back from having his head taken
apart?
I guess that didn't occur to Haruhi. She seems to think I would hit
the ground running and be fine as soon as they let me out the door.
Which, to be fair, I think I am.
Mikuru and I walked to school together this morning, and it was
pleasant; she didn't mention anything about our conversation. She
smiled and seemed happy. I guess I don't have anything to complain
about, either. I must admit, all else aside, a happy Mikuru makes for
a happier Kyon.
Damn it! Now I'm calling _myself_ that!
Oh well.
Lunch, lectures, teachers, breaks. All seems to be its slowly
familiar reflection of what it used to be; Haruhi still vanishes on
her breaks. I'm starting to think of chasing after her, just to see
what she's up to now.
But that's not an option. When class lets out, she beelines for the
clubroom. Kunikida appears before me like a messenger of doom,
apologetic and grim. "Kyon," he says. "I think I should warn you."
"Warn me what?" I ask warily. "Did something happen?"
"You were seen yesterday."
Ah. Right. And I made Mikuru cry.
I suppose this means I'm dead. I hope Haruhi believes I'd live
through an assault by angry upperclassmen.
No sooner do I think this thought than I see a handful of older boys
loitering in the hallway, a slowly thickening cluster. I see a guy
with a baseball bat, and I'm pretty sure I saw those two at the
martial arts display during the festival....
Yep. I'm doomed.
"Thanks for the heads up," I reply. "You'd probably better not be
associated with me."
"I'm not responsible," he says with a shrug. "I'll haul you to the
nurse's later."
"Thanks," I grumble back. What are friends for, huh?
Mikuru's probably in the clubroom ... and I'm sure Haruhi is, too.
Well, nothing for it. I march to the hallway to meet my fate.
Only, the violent beating I am expecting doesn't occur. Instead, a
flash of anger and green hair appears from nothing, seizing my necktie
and hauling me past several very surprised thugs. I remember Haruhi
doing this to me, once. Somehow, from Tsuruya, it's actually less
pleasant.
I can either choke or follow, so she ends up dragging me away from
the angry crowd and into a momentarily empty stairwell. Then she
hauls me down to her height and shoots me an irritated glance. "Bad
movesie, Kyon-kun," she says simply, tugging me a bit lower, so she
can look down at me.
"Gurk," I say back to her.
"Oh, righty," she says, relaxing and letting me go, then smacking me
over the top of my head with a fist while I'm adjusting my tie. "You
jackass! Whatcha think yer doin' to Mikuru, eh?"
"Dating?" I ask cautiously, once I can breathe again.
"Really?" she drawls, raising an eyebrow and giving me that, 'You are
not impressing me' look that all women seem to have mastered. How
unfair! "I think you're makin' Mikuru cry, or else I wouldn' be
hearin' these rumors, doncha think?"
"Rumors?" I ask, pretending ignorance for the moment.
Her eyes flash dangerously, and she grabs my necktie again. This
time she doesn't tug on it. "Whassat?" she asks sweetly.
"Look, we had a talk," I say, breaking into a nervous sweat. "That's
all! We're on good terms again, now!"
"Really?" She seems doubtful. This is worse than the time I tried
to justify what happened between me and Yuki-chan to Taniguchi! I
wish I were a better liar.
"We disagreed," I say again. "But after we talked things over, we
agreed again. Didn't you see us coming to school together?"
"Mikuru seems down," she replies flatly. "Whatcha do to get her like
that, ya goon?"
'Goon'? "Maybe it's not my fault!"
"Then why're people sayin' they saw you make her cry, eh?"
That is difficult to deny. I really should be more careful about
where I have these kinds of discussions. I wonder if anyone's spying
on us right now, but can't really look without strangling myself
thanks to Tsuruya's grip.
"I made her cry," I admit, just before getting smacked again. I
don't know if you'd expect it, but she's kind of strong. "I was
careless! I said some things that hurt her! I promised her I'd
always try and take care of her after that, though."
"Did ya?" Tsuruya asks, fist frozen halfway before smacking me again.
"Yes! And what are you trying to do to me, anyway, cause _more_ head trauma?"
She pauses, considering this, then gives a yank to my necktie. "Better?"
"No," I choke out, struggling to loosen it again.
"Okies. Next time I'll jus' kick ya." She pauses, releasing the tie
and looks away thoughtfully, pressing a fingertip to her lower lip.
"Though, if there's a nex' time, I'll do it after those boys work ya
over." She shoots me a bright smile. "But since you promised Mikuru,
I'll tell 'em all to leave off for ya. For now. Aintcha lucking out
this time!"
That's not really a question. She skips off up the stairs, where I
look up and see a neat row of angry faces slipping away, only a few
needing to wait for Tsuruya's order to back off. I hurry to the
clubroom, grateful that such an eccentric person saved me what could
have been much worse.
In the clubroom, Yuki-chan and Mikuru look up when I enter. Yuki
goes back to her book. This one's called 'Quicksilver'. Wow, she's a
fast reader. Mikuru runs to my side, while Haruhi is still absorbed
in a game against Koizumi. I can't make it out before I'm staring at
Mikuru's chest.
Ahem.
Raising my gaze, I see Mikuru's concerned eyes. "Are you okay?" she
asks me worriedly. "You look terrible!"
At this, Haruhi and Koizumi look up. "Oh, my," Koizumi says,
frowning faintly. "Kyon-kun, I think we should discuss this."
"Damn straight!" Haruhi slams her palms on the desk as she says
this, knocking over all of the chess pieces as she does so. So that's
what they're playing. Or were, anyway. Storming up to me in a fury,
she demands, "Who did this to one of my brigade members?" Mikuru
makes a tiny frightened noise and scurries out of her way.
"Did what?" I ask, looking down at myself in dismay. My jacket does
look surprisingly scuffed, and I realize that my necktie took some
damage. How tight was Tsuruya pulling that thing, anyway? "Oh."
Well.... 'I'm having trouble with my girlfriend; my classmates
decided to beat me up for it' will probably just upset Haruhi, if I
understand the situation correctly. On the other hand, I don't want
to give her the wrong idea.... Or upset her another way. So....
"Kunikida and I were just roughhousing," I finally answer.
"Some serious roughhousing," Haruhi says doubtfully, shaking her
head. "You look terrible; I can see a knot forming on your head."
I shouldn't be surprised. Maybe Tsuruya's some kind of beast-girl,
with that fang. "Well, he wanted to know about Mikuru," I say with a
shrug.
"Know what?" Mikuru and Haruhi answer together. Mikuru blushes and
stares at her feet when Haruhi shoots her a sharp look. Then the
leader of the SOS Brigade slumps slightly and shakes her head.
"Anyway, I want to know what this is about. No one gets to beat up on
you but-- the Brigade." I know that's not what she was going to say.
And, anyway, aren't I awfully new to the club for this kind of closeness?
"A gentleman doesn't tell," I answer, looking away.
That seems to answer the question in a way that satisfies Haruhi. Or
at least ends her line of questioning. But....
"Gentlemen don't tell, but boys have secrets," Koizumi says, sliding
the chess pieces into a small box. "Why don't we go for a walk,
Kyon-kun?"
Haruhi and Mikuru blink at this, then shrug when I say, "Why not?"
"Hurry back," Haruhi says suspiciously. "We've got important club
duties, you know!"
"I am going to skip club today," Yuki announces, as she abruptly
finishes her book and sets it down on the table.
"Oh, fine," Haruhi grumps, as the shorter girl walks quietly out the door.
I offer an apologetic shrug. Haruhi rolls her eyes. "Come on," she
says. "We'll figure something out, Mikuru. Maybe we can work on a
project for next week. Or a penalty list."
In short order, Koizumi and I make it to the roof, apparently our
designated zone for discussion.
He stares off into space for a while, looking very tired.
"Lots of closed space?" I ask him cautiously.
"The world was almost destroyed last night," he answers. "I didn't sleep."
"How bad was it?" I ask. I don't feel that tingle that Yuki-chan gave me.
"A few times, separate instances of closed space merged," he offers
after a moment, rubbing at his eyes. "We've never seen that happen
before. When it does, even if we destroy one of the Celestials, the
space remains as long as a single Celestial is active. All of the
merged spaces grow at a constant rate."
"Oh," is all I can manage. I'm responsible for a lot of this, aren't I?
"There is going to be a meeting tonight to discuss your role in
this," Koizumi warned. "And mine. I think I proved myself well
enough, but I suspect that the general consensus is going to be that
the Coalition will want you destroyed; you cause more damage than
anything else."
How heartwarming. "Where does that leave us?" I feel a distinctly
unpleasant nervous tingle across the base of my scalp.
"About where we started," he says with an apologetic shrug.
"Understand ... when the fight finished, I was in North Korea. Two of
the Coalition with me were killed. I almost didn't get out, once we
were dropped back into normal space, where we didn't have powers."
"Wait, you mean, they were killed by Celestials?"
Koizumi pauses, then manages a wry grin. "Yes. Sorry. That would
be an even sorrier fate, I suppose. But it was only through luck that
a Coalition agent was able to smuggle me back to Japan, and back here,
in time."
I think about this for a minute. "You must have only fought for a
few minutes, and then spent most of your time coming back here."
"You've seen them. You know our fights tend to be brief."
And the world came close to destruction again.... "Okay," I say,
shaking my head. "It's a very thankless task you do. So you have my
thanks for it, Koizumi-kun." It's surprisingly difficult to thank
someone who says he might have to kill you.
Koizumi nods. That tingling sensation doesn't abate.
"Is there anything else? Any other signs of the world falling
apart?" I press. Better get information from him while I still can,
after all.
"A few," Koizumi says, rubbing at his eyes again. "Across the world,
as often as head trauma occurs, people are noticing that the effects
are not as severe as they should be."
"Ah," I say, frowning. "So, what does that mean?"
"Books and other records are being invalidated to match Suzumiya-san's will."
"That sounds dangerous."
"Yes. It's a minor change in biochemistry, but such a sweeping
change does tend to suggest that Suzumiya-san's new world has a
previously unanticipated element of instability. I can't know how
long it will take to collapse, but if we can keep closed space and
Celestials at bay, it's still not promising."
"Collapse?" Koizumi's the one who's better at figuring these things
out. Whatever information I can get from him, and run through
Yuki-chan....
"Society should be stable," he answers after a moment. "Generally
speaking. I expect that the doctors who treated you -- those
Suzumiya-san would have been more aware of -- will understand the
world that Suzumiya-san desires, and its laws, better than those
further away. So this will probably put Japan ahead of the rest of
the world. That shouldn't change too much, since it's just brain
chemistry and head trauma. But at the same time, we don't know what
else she changed, and what effects those discoveries should have. If
any of her thinking and will touch on anything as delicate as the
fundamental laws of reality, I would say that we'd be ruined."
"To say nothing of economy," I realize suddenly. "How much should
the kind of operation I went through cost, anyway? If Haruhi thinks
that an average family should be able to afford it without trouble,
does that make us rich, or our medicine cheap."
Koizumi blinks, and the tingling sensation intensifies. It's
difficult to resist the urge to scratch my head. "This is something
that the Coalition wouldn't have realized; it's the way things already
are, for these people," he says slowly. "Perhaps this unintentional
advancement is more dangerous than I had anticipated."
"Right. Well, let's go past that. So, these changes -- one way or
another -- destabilize the world. Haruhi seems to want us around.
Does this mean that it'll fall apart and she'll try rebuilding it
again and again until she gets it right?"
"Gaining in skill as she does so, I expect," Koizumi says with a nod.
"Suzumiya-san may be evolving as a being of supreme power into god.
She is luckier than you, though."
"Why's that?"
"It's no longer a viable option to destroy her; our world will be
gone if we do. We're at her whim until she makes a world stable
enough to survive in."
I shiver at that.
"You're kidding, right? You wouldn't really try to hurt her."
Koizumi looks away, his expression slipping, and showing a bit of
melancholy. "I wouldn't," he agrees. "But I am not the one who makes
these choices."
"I see," I say, frowning, running my fingers through my hair in an
attempt to dismiss that annoying sensation. "I don't want us to be
enemies, Koizumi."
"Neither do I," he says with an apologetic shrug. "But if it comes
down to it, I do place Haruhi above you."
"Thanks for letting me know," I grumble. Though. Can I really blame
him? I'm just one guy, and Haruhi is.... Haruhi.
"You won't hurt him," Yuki-chan announces suddenly, appearing from a
ripple of light and flashing ... data? I realize that the tingling,
which has now stopped, was _her_, previously invisible and watching
our conversation. She really is looking out for me. Too bad it's
only for a limited time, unless the data thought entity disagrees with
the Coalition.
Koizumi blinks several times, then shoots me a dark and angry look.
"How did you do that?" he demands.
I'm unable to resist. And besides, I can't antagonize Haruhi, can I?
I give him a wink and press my fingertip to my lips. "Classified," I
answer.
He looks uncomfortable, but nods, accepting that answer. "Well....
I'll report that to the Coalition."
"It is unlikely you can contest me in this space," Yuki-chan informs
him. "It is more closely linked with data-space than your closed
space, and I am fully able to request the nullification of any of your
links if it is required. But doing this, or nullifying any existing
factors surrounding Suzumiya Haruhi is likely to destabilize the
system."
Koizumi sighs and hangs his head. "If we were on our world, I'd ask
if one of the Agency superiors could speak with you directly. As it
is, the Coalition won't listen to me. Well, what happens, happens. I
can't do anything here, but I've given you what information and help I
can."
"Your data is appreciated," Yuki-chan replies. "Unfortunately, Kyon
must attend another function with me at this node."
"Good luck," Koizumi mutters, turning his back on us.
Yuki looks at me. Is that expectance in her gaze? Oh! Right! The library.
"Let's go," I say to her, offering a nod. She holds a hand out. I
stare at it for a moment before shrugging and taking it. I've held
hands with Koizumi before, so why not?
She doesn't exactly smile, but I think something changes in her eyes,
and she pulls me through ... something. And then we're outside of the
school. _That_ tingle was certainly unpleasant.
Teleportation sure looks handy, but seriously, Yuki-chan, couldn't
you have sent us to the bottom of the hill? Once again, I'm going to
call foul play.
She releases my hand and begins walking towards the library. I
follow in silence.
---------------------------------
Author's Note: This chapter did not go how I expected it to. But I
like it. I hope you do, too.