To the best of my ability to determine it, this did not go through successfully
the first time. My deepest apologies for any duplication.
eimii wrote:
Disclaimer: Despite the valiant efforts of my crack ninja gerbil writing-
er, _legal_ team during the 1.5 years since i last posted a new chapter of
this fic, the characters contained herein _still_ aren't mine; damn you,
accursed copyright law! Masashi Kishimoto has a won a temporary reprieve
until i can find someone who can teach rodents with brains the size of
sunflower seeds the 'Silent Tort Murder Technique...'
Standard C&C Disclaimer: All the below is my only occasionally useful
humble opinion, my only occasionally correct grammatical and spelling
corrections, and/or my only occasionally funny humor.
For those of you who _have_ read Suiren before, i might suggest
re-reading "Morning" and "Afternoon," as this chapter follows
directly in continuity with those ones and contains almost no
preamble or recap.
Righty-ho. I've reread those two chapters, but not the chapters between
the last posted revision and those, so forgive any fuzziness on details.
Staring at the place where the masked man been standing, Sakura shifted
uncomfortably. *He said 'stay away _for now_,' and he knew about the
mission...* Apparently, ANBU was keeping a closer eye on her than she
realized. *I wonder what they'd do if I were _really_ quitting. After
reading all those ANBU mission scrolls, I'll bet they'd kill me before they
let me become a missing nin...*
Kill? Of course not. That's wasteful. Where do you think the trainees
in the torture and interrogation squad get people to practice on,
Sakura-chan?
Suddenly wanting to sit and calm her nerves, Sakura spied a sweet vendor's
cart not too far away. Walking over, she lifted the shop curtain. "Mitarashi
dango and tea, please," she ordered automatically, dropping her pack and
taking a seat at the narrow bar that protruded from the front of the yattai.
Anko has a menu item named after her? Or is this a result of
Kishimoto's taste in names?
"I hope you haven't picked up _all_ of your teacher's bad habits," a
familiar voice commented from over her shoulder.
*The next person that %$*#in' sneaks up on me is getting an explosion note
shoved up her ass...* Sakura vowed, feeling her cheeks redden in
embarrassment. Turning around, she glanced up at her captor. "As few as I
can manage, Kurenai-sensei. Good morning."
Captor? Kurenai is just standing behind Sakura, from what you've written.
"Hmm..." The jounin's crimson eyes grew pensive, and a hint of worry pinched
the corners of her mouth. "I'd prefer to at least send Kiba or Shino with
you as an escort, but we aren't due to meet for another two hours and I have
a few things to take care of before we depart," the noted in
dissatisfaction.
"the noted"? Missing a word or two there.
"I'll be fine!" Sakura assured her. "I've improved a lot since the exam, and
it's not that far. I don't need anyone to look after me."
...famous last words.
"It isn't your safety I'm worried about," Kurenai corrected, giving Sakura a
wry look that Anko probably knew all too well. "...Fine, go. We should catch
up with you early this afternoon if there aren't any unexpected delays."
Given how it's been portrayed thus far in this chapter, there shouldn't
be any "probably" about it. If Anko knows the look all too well, so
would Sakura, wouldn't she?
Turning to her, the sweet seller cleared his throat and tried to school his
features, though he seemed to be having some difficulty. "That'll be three
mon for the dango and tea," he requested politely.
...hah.
Poor Kurenai.
Sakura could certainly understand _that_ feeling. This entire mission stunk
of some sort of veiled agenda. If Kurenai could get information on her
family so easily, it should have been no problem for the diplomatic corps,
so how had they 'missed' the fact that her parents weren't legally married?
*If they wanted to make it look like a 'personal request from the Lord of
Ryuuzai's loving granddaughter,' they should have just made _that_ my
mission.*
*jumps back to double-check* In the previous chapter on ff.net, isn't
her grandfather referred to as the Lord of Ryuuzen, not Ryuuzai?
As a side note, it's going to almost be a shame if/when Kishimoto gives
us any background on Sakura's family, since it'll remove such a
wonderful blank slate to hang plots on. Ah well.
Grinning at her mysterious watcher, Sakura leaned forward and dug in her
toes, sprinting the last dozen yard before planting her feet and sliding
sideways in a small cloud of dust and fallen leaves, her long coat whipping
around behind her. Crouching low, she put one hand forward, palm down, and
threw the other out to the side like a samurai in a kabuki play. "SURPRISE
INSPECTION!" she roared, releasing her genjutsu as she skidded to a halt in
front of Hinata and the guard. "Haruno Sakura has arrived!"
...
The chuunin must have noticed her gaze, for he shifted his stance to take a
look around. He was too slow to catch the ANBU, however. Returning his
attention to Sakura, he put on a pained smile of his own. "Are you trying to
get me into trouble with Anko-sama again?" he joked half-seriously.
"Since when has Anko-neechan needed an excuse?" Sakura countered, a little
sore at the insinuation. She'd almost faltered at calling Anko 'Nee-chan',
but the cloud of confusion that slipped over the chuunin's eyes was
priceless.
...Sakura had better hope the guard doesn't mention to Anko that Sakura
just called her "Anko-neechan." Anko would never let her live it down.
Glancing at Hinata, who was watching her anxiously, Sakura decided that she
wouldn't mind the company. "Hinata-chan, since you're here early, do you
want to come with me? Kurenai-sensei and the others will catch up with us
later, and Kurenai-sensei said she'd prefer it if I had an escort."
Hinata seemed surprised by the suggestion, and Sakura could see the
indecision gnawing at the dark-haired girl as she reflexively glanced down
at her feet before catching herself and looking at Sakura's face instead.
"I'm not..." Chewing her lip, Hinata wouldn't make eye contact, but after a
second she gave a jerky nod. "I- yes, that would be fine."
Hmm. Curious.
Clearly, something was bothering her former classmate. *Dammit, I hope it's
not those stupid rumors again!* Hiding her displeasure behind a reassuring
smile, Sakura waved as if to dismiss the idea. "You don't have to come with
me if it makes you uncomfortable-"
"No, it's nothing!" Hinata blurted, shaking her head emphatically. "I just-
um- w-we should let Kurenai-sensei know," she suggested, her voice rapidly
dropping to the timid near-whisper that Sakura was accustomed to hearing
from the shy kunoichi.
It's pretty clearly not nothing, but I'm doubting it's what Sakura
thinks it is either. Hmm.
"But what if your uncles dropped the charges?" Hinata prodded insistently.
"Then, couldn't your parents get married?"
...hah.
*She's in a good mood today.* The Hyuuga heiress seemed positively
enthralled with Sakura's awkward family history.
Probably just relieved that she's not the only one with bizarre familial
problems.
"He came back, though!" Hinata pointed out brightly. "The poor samurai came
back after making his fortune, but he had to spirit his true love away to a
hidden village, because of her overprotective brothers. It's _just_ like in
a manga! There's even a princess raised as a ninja- ne, Sakura-hime?"
*snrk*
The skies seemed to sense Sakura's worry, as thunder pealed in the distance
and a stray raindrop struck her cheek. "There are a few things I'd better
tell you, then..." she warned, turning up her coat collar and feeling a
twinge of envy as Hinata pulled up her hood. *Dammit, forgot to bring a
hat.* This was already shaping up to be another _beautiful_ day on planet
Sakura (population: at least three).
Heh.
In theory, if she could use chakra to support her own body weight on the
surface of a moving river, it should be easy for her to ward off a few
measly little raindrops. In practice, however, releasing chakra from your
hands or feet was _much_ easier than, say, releasing it from the back of
your head. Despite her best efforts, her hair was still noticeably damp, and
she was quickly tiring herself out.
Canonically, doesn't Kakashi say that the feet are the most difficult
place back during the tree-climbing exercise?
"It went okay, I guess," Sakura replied wearily. "He hasn't agreed to
anything, but at least he didn't turn us down flat." A worried frown creased
Hinata's brow, and Sakura gave the smaller girl a half-hearted grin. "If
you're a ninja, getting grandpa to do _anything_ for you is like trying to
make Manda-sama dance."
Hmm. Anko-ism slipping through? Or are the names of the big summons
common knowledge in this version of the Naruto universe?
"That doesn't sound good," the pale girl noted unhappily.
Should have waited; that seems to answer that question.
"Eh, it can be done," Sakura assured her with chuckle. "But he usually eats
you afterward."
Heh.
It was also the only section of the castle that ninja were officially
permitted to enter. All of Hinata's ninja gear was confiscated before they
were cleared through security, but that was to be expected; not even samurai
were allowed to wear their swords in the castle unless they served the Lord
of Ryuuzai or the Daimyo himself.
Confiscating a ninja's weapons (in particular a Hyuuga) would be purely
symbolic, really. Kunai and shuriken aren't precisely the most
dangerous things a ninja can use on you.
The pale girl nodded, a thoughtful expression on her face. "Maybe... The
walls are steep, and they have walkways on top of them, the same as Konoha."
Her eyes widened in surprise. "Is that a cannon?" She pointed at a gray-
black tube poking out of one of the towers in the distance.
Hrm. I've never really liked adding cannon or guns to the Naruto
universe, even though with the level of technology certainly could
support them. Actually, it might be because of that. It's easier for
me to suspend disbelief when there's modern technology but no guns than
modern technology but archaic guns.
That's just personal taste, though.
"Hmm..." The white-eyed girl had a point: some of the men on the walls
probably _were_ watching them. "Yeah, you're probably right. We'd better
just pretended that we didn't see anything." She could ask her grandfather
about it later, when Hinata wasn't around to get in trouble.
Pretended should be pretend.
When the last loop of gauze peeled free from Hinata's skin, stuck to her
brow by a jagged line of reddish-brown stains, it took Sakura's brain
several seconds to process what she was seeing. Unfortunately, her mouth was
much faster on the uptake. "Holy $#%&, is that real?!" she blurted, gaping
at the stylized manji branded on Hinata's forehead.
.....oh my.
"I love you too, Hinata-chan" Sakura whispered playfully, giving the
brunette a friendly peck on the cheek, "but not like- huh?" A stab of worry
shook Sakura out of her licentious stupor as Hinata's entire body seized up,
then suddenly went limp, a though her adorable new toy had blown a fuse.
"...Hinata-chan?" Panic welled in the pink-haired girl's stomach as she
shook her unresponsive companion. "H-hey, are you okay? Hinata-chan?!"
.....that's an evil place to end a chapter. Very evil.
Also, "as though her", not "a though"
To be continued... soon, really ^_^;...
It had better be soon, if you're going to end it there... :)
As for general comments, it was a very good chapter. I'd say you have
nothing to worry about with regards to that. It definitely seems that
Sakura's multiple personality difficulties are quickly becoming less of
an odd quirk and more of a serious problem. It will be interesting when
we finally find out exactly what's going on there.
The only thing I'd mention is that Sakura's thoughts and actions at the
very end of the chapter seem... off, though that might just be a symptom
of jumping here from the beginning of the series. I'd expect to see
quite a bit more hesitation and conflict in Sakura's thoughts with
regards to whole lesbian teasing issue (particularly at the very, very
end of the chapter), since as I recall even at her most Anko-ish her
supposed lesbian tendencies are a very sore point for Sakura.
This could very well be an intentional sign of Anko-Sakura taking over
to a much greater extent than previously, but just in case it isn't I
figured I should mention it.
Hopefully I said at least a few useful things; if I have time I'll try
and give this another run-through later to look for typos and the like.
I was too caught up in the story to do a good job looking for those
this time around. :)