The Eternal Lost Lurker wrote:
I sincerely apologise for the delay in this--I meant to have this out by
noon yesterday, but I have allowed myself to be distracted all over the
place. X_X
No need to apologize for that short a delay...
fanfic is mine, and may not be used without permission. Also,
panthercorns!
...panthercorns?
Yep, panthercorns.
Reference to a set of comics the Penny Arcade people recently did for
the release of Heroes of Might and Magic V. Available at
http://www.mightandmagic.com/us/community.php if you're really curious.
Uzumaki Naruto knew that he was not always as observant as a
ninja should be. He'd heard that more than enough times from his
teachers back in the academy or from Kakashi and his teammates after
he'd screwed up in yet another training exercise. This wasn't to say
that he was always unobservant, of course. Were that the case, he would
have already died far more than a dozen times. It was just that,
sometimes, he didn't pay quite as much attention to things as he needed
to.
Like where to aim when he pees.
The latest filler episode was... unique, wasn't it?
Even setting aside the
volumes he could write on the old man's perversity despite the fact that
he still had only the vaguest perception of what that perversity
precisely entailed
DON'T BELIEVE IT FOR AN INSTANT.
If ANYONE in the series is a "closet pervert", it's Naruto. :P
He's also a thirteen year old boy. He's still a little vague on the
details. :)
"That's my boy," Jiraiya said. He released Naruto, who scowled
at him. Jiraiya laughed. "Don't look like that," he said. "I have a
present for you."
Naruto blinked. "What?"
"A first-edition printing of Icha-Icha Paradise Volume 1!"
No, he's saving that for when Naruto becomes Hokage.
Man, poor Naruto...being forced to sit around while KNOWING Kakashi is being
tortured...
Being told to sit around and having the safest (possibly even the
wisest) thing to do being to sit around does not necessarily imply that
sitting around will ensue. Particularly when Naruto is involved... :)
Fuki's hands moved through seals. "Of course not," she stated,
her hands freezing on the last seal. "Leaf Shuriken Technique!" All
around Midori, green leaves, loosened by Fuki earlier, detached
themselves from the tree. Midori barely had time to recognize her
danger before the storm of razor-sharp foliage descended on her. "Got
you," Fuki stated, forming a fist and grinning in victory.
Now THAT, she learned from a Pokemon.
*sweatdrop*
Not far away, Sakura had finished giving her condolences to Fuki
and walked over to her rival. "You're up next, Ino-pig," she said.
"I know that, Forehead," Ino muttered.
"Remember what I told you," Sakura said quietly, "and don't
lose."
"And watch out for flying pee attacks."
You may rest assured that that particular filler episode will _not_ be
getting a reference, subtle or otherwise, in this story.
The massive globe of fire sped at Ren, who was forced to drop
her technique and dodge, narrowly avoiding being caught on the edge of
Ino's technique. Ino didn't let up, repeating the seals and creating
another fireball that drove Ren farther away from her perch.
[Ino] "Wow, all those blowjobs I gave Shikamaru and Chouji really paid off!"
...
...
You know, slightly altered, that would have been a rather more
appropriate comment during a certain point in Ino vs. Sakura...
Ino backed away, grinning at the damp earth. "Now you really
can't use your water element techniques."
Dumb assumption from a dumb blonde.
Deliberately so, though.
"Even so," Ren stated calmly, "you can't attack either. It's a
stalemate."
"Not so," Ino declared. "You're about to yield."
THAT cheap trick again?
Slowly, tortuously, Ino managed to get her hands into position
to form a rapid sequence of seals. "Mind-Body Switch Technique," she
breathed, and then she slumped over. An instant later, the ropes of
water dissolved and Ren took a step backward.
Yep, Ino's a one-trick pony alright.
The allure of a technique that (in theory, at least) guarantees victory
in this type of fight if it goes off successfully is hard to resist.
Ami grimaced, sheathing her sword. "I was hoping to save this
for another fight," she commented. Her hands formed seals, ending on
one that left her hands clasped together. Flames began to gather above
them, condensing into a small, painfully bright sphere. "Katon: Fire
Soul!"
*GROAN*
I knew someone would... appreciate the reference. :)
I kind of wish I was using Japanese for the technique names so it would
be a little more subtle, though.
"You shouldn't telegraph your moves like that," Sakura stated as
she reappeared behind Ami. The other girl froze, and Sakura grinned,
thinking of Ino's words to her before the match. Then she her foot
"she her"? :P
I hate it when I do that.
slammed into Ami's rear, sending the other girl stumbling forward, her
sword slipping from her hand.
XD
:)
Everyone in the waiting room could hear the sound of Chouji
hitting something hard, but it still took several moments for the smoke
to fade. When it did, it revealed the strange sight of Chouji pushing
against a turtle perhaps half as large as his swollen form.
O_o;;
Well, we know from canon that Gai can summon at least one turtle. He
can't pass it on to Lee, and Neji doesn't seem the type to be interested
(and is training more with his uncle than Gai nowadays). So...
"That's," Ino gasped, glancing at Lee.
The slightly older boy nodded. "Tenten is Gai-sensei's student
also," he stated, his eyes tracking her opponent's path through the air.
When Chouji landed, he twitched but did not rise. Breathing heavily,
Tenten fell to her knees, clearly exhausted.
Anko appeared next to Chouji, briefly inspecting him. Then she
raised her hand. "The winner of the fifth match, Tenten!"
*APPLAUDS WILDLY*
Glad you liked. :)
When I was planning the tournament out way back when I started the
story, it ultimately came down to the fact that Chouji gets to win a
fight in canon and Tenten doesn't. So, I figured she deserved the
chance to shine.
Sakura started, feeling movement behind her, but realized as she
relaxed, maybe?
Probably, yeah.
She turned slightly to face him. "What is it, Neji-san?" she
asked politely, resisting the wild urge to angrily demand that he not
scare her like that. The sound of Anko loudly announcing the next fight
floated up from the field below.
"My opponent for the next round, this... Haruno Midori," he
stated. "What can you tell me?"
"She's a bitch."
"Accurate, but unhelpful."
Inuzuka Shinta let out a bark of laughter.
*groan*
...unintentional. Honest.
"First up," she stated, "we've got someone you haven't seen yet,
who was lucky enough to get a free pass into the quarterfinals. From
the Leaf's most feared clan, Hyuuga Neji will be facing the Hidden
Mist's Haruno Midori." Anko grinned nastily, glancing sideways at her
sister's student. "My sources tell me our guest from the Mist has
promised to rip out Neji-kun's eyes. We all know the usual Hyuuga
response to that sort of threat, so we can look forward to a quick,
brutal fight."
Impartial much?
It's Anko. What do you expect? :)
I didn't get any honor
from my talent. When they saw what I had become, the elders of my clan
decided that it had been a mistake to have my parents marry. I'll never
have any brothers or sisters. As for myself, it is too dangerous to let
me breed at all, for risk of my genes giving birth to a line of
bloodline freaks. My own mother performed the sealing that made sure
that wouldn't be a problem. No techniques of mine will be passed down
to future generations; I've been warned that developing my own unique
techniques might be enough to convince some zealot that I'm the first to
inherit a Bloodline Limit from the Haruno Clan."
And this is Neji's problem HOW, exactly?
It isn't, really. Midori's just bought into the whole anti-bloodline
prejudice, so she projects her anger over her whole situation onto the
"freaks." Subconsciously, it's probably because she wants what she
imagines Neji has.
If Neji were Naruto, he would somehow use this fight to show her the
error of her ways, probably by finding some way to connect with Midori
using the whole branch family/cursed seal business. Since Neji isn't
Naruto, he just beats her and forgets about the whole matter since it
isn't _his_ problem. :)
"Oh, no," Midori stated. "They are right, and my visit here has
only proved it. Didn't you even listen to the examiner a moment ago?
The Hyuuga are the most feared clan in the Leaf, not the most loved.
I've seen and read about the way your kind have lorded it over this
village. One day, enough of them -" she waved broadly at the crowd "-
will see the light and overcome their fear. Then you and your whole
family will be hunted through the streets and torn to pieces like the
subhuman abominations you are!"
What a CHEERFUL thought!
Midori's a cheerful person! :)
Neji stiffened, and then he screamed. He stumbled forward,
every slight motion sending waves of pain that blurred even his vision
through him. Unable to stand, he toppled over, the ground producing
more agony than a thousand full-strength blows from Lee. Even the act
of screaming was causing him terrible anguish. In some almost-unclouded
corner of his mind, he noted how apt Sakura's description of this
technique as simply "pain" was.
And he didn't even need to put his right hand in the box.
Gotta admit, though, I saw this one coming...
Neji sprung into motion. Devoid of all his usual grace, he
leapt upward, his fist striking Midori's jaw in a powerful uppercut.
Saw THAT coming, too.
No good?
Anko nodded once. "The winner, Hyuuga Neji of the Hidden
Village of the Leaf!" It was a shame, Neji thought, that his opponent
wasn't awake to hear the crowd cheer his victory.
That beating Naruto gave him didn't near enough cure him of his arrogance.
Neji is still Neji, after all. He's now somewhat closer to "arrogant
asshole with a heart of gold" than plain old "arrogant asshole," but
he's still an arrogant asshole.
A moment later, Neji returned to the waiting room. Up close, he
looked far more strained than he had from a distance. Only nodding at
the congratulations he received, he walked to Sakura. "Thank you for
your information," he said gravely. "If I hadn't been forewarned of her
technique, I would not have been able to counter it."
So even the mighty Hyuuga prodigy admits to needing help from time to time.
Will miracles never cease.
He _is_ trying to be nicer. He doesn't always succeed, but he is
trying. :)
Yet, as it chased her, the other two shadows were coming in from
either side. Sakura jumped again, this time heading straight for Ino.
In an instant, two of the shadows retracted, forming a protective
barrier around the blonde. Sakura landed just outside the dark
perimeter, jumping again the instant she landed to avoid the inevitable
quick probe by Ino's shadows.
"DAMMIT, INO, NO PROBING IN THE MIDDLE OF A MATCH!"
As she landed once more, the three
shadows separated, forming flailing dark tendrils that whipped across
the arena floor at her.
"And no public tentacle rape either!"
...
Ino nodded, standing. "That wasn't really Shadow Imitation
Technique," she explained after a moment. "Shikamaru called it the
Shadow Art Technique. It just lets you manipulate your shadow."
"Look, I can make a bunny!"
That's pretty much it. :)
I imagine it's probably used as a training technique for Nara youngsters.
"Damn it!" she repeated. "What is with you? Can't you get it into to
your stupid, giant forehead that I'm the closest thing to a friend
you've ever had and not just some... just some wall for you to
overcome?" Her voice turned almost pleading. "Can't you stop trying
over and over to beat me so that we can just be friends again?"
Awwww.
Ino's heart is in the general vicinity of the right place where Sakura
is concerned, after all.
Almost reflexively, he activated his Byakugan and began to study
the girl, pondering the fight that was to come.
It's going to be like fighting Lee. Only trickier. And with breasts.
Heh.
Tsunade's frown deepened. It was clear to her that the weapons
expert was still drained from her match against the Akimichi boy in the
first round.
Yeah, Tenten's not exactly anywhere near as durable as, oh...ANY of the male
ninja. Hell, she's not as durable as *HINATA*.
But we love her anyway, because she's cute. ^_^
Well, to be fair, Tenten had one of the toughest match-ups of the first
round victors. Chouji's no wimp, after all, and he forced her to pull
out her big guns early.
Down below, the last two fighters for the semifinal round had
Quarterfinals still, isn't it?
Good catch.
Sakura's genjutsu faded, revealing to all the observers that
Neji had struck her in the stomach. She stood frozen for a moment, then
stumbled backward, falling over as she bit at her tongue to hold back a
scream of pain. So this was what being hit by the Gentle Fist felt
like, a cold analytical part of her observed.
Not very "gentle" at all, is it?
Not really, no.
Neji flew away from her but Sakura only snarled, "I'm not done
yet," thrusting one arm toward him. Repressing a shudder at the
crawling sensation under her arm, she shouted, "Hidden Snake Hands!"
And Anko, too. What next, Kagebunshin?
Sakura probably has enough chakra now to make a single Kage Bunshin, but
not enough to be able to do anything useful with it.
Then, she landed, breathing heavily and almost out of chakra.
She looked up and saw Anko. "Is it over?" Sakura asked. Anko didn't
answer, and the pink-haired kunoichi turned to where she had heard Neji
fall. She swallowed when she saw the smoldering log that lay there.
Naturally, she wasted all that energy on a kawarimi.
Slowly, she stood, turning about to face Neji.
The Hyuuga's face was pale, and he was clutching at his
shoulder. "The snakes actually were poisoned," he said.
...well, ALMOST all of it.
The only thing Neji avoided was the finishing Claw of the Fire Dragon.
Sakura came within a hairsbreadth of winning there.
"I probably have about three minutes to end this," Neji
declared, and Sakura nodded. After a moment, Neji bowed shallowly to
her. "Please forgive me for underestimating you," he said formally. "I
shall stop holding back now and give you the fight you deserve."
Translation: Prepare to have your ass handed to you on a Chinette plate.
Indeed.
Anko grabbed his hand. "That's enough," she said. Neji nodded,
and as though that was a sign, Sakura finally collapsed. It took her
several long moments to catch her breath, and longer to rise to her
knees. Anko raised her hand. "The winner, Hyuuga Neji," she declared,
and the crowd began to cheer.
Well, I can't say I didn't see that coming. Still, it's a little bit of a
letdown. ;_;
It is, but look at it this way: in seventy days, Sakura went from being
a sub-par genin to giving Hyuuga Neji a tough fight. That's some
incredible growth there, and she's got nothing to be ashamed about.
Anko groaned. "I can't force you to fight," she said
regretfully after a moment. "Whichever of you retracts his concession
first will get the credit for the win." As she expected, neither of
the two made a move to do that. She rolled her eyes. "Both fighters
withdraw," she finally announced sourly. "The final match ends in a
draw."
Well THAT was anticlimactic.
I didn't really want to have Lee beat Neji or vice versa, so it had to
end in a draw somehow. I also didn't want to copy the ending of (the
canon) Sakura vs. Ino, and this was the best I was able to come up with.
If it helps, Anko will probably argue that neither of them deserve to be
chuunin because they robbed her of an epic climatic fight... :)
As always, thank you for commenting!