From: "James M. Zema" <zema@zema.info>
To: ffml@anifics.com
Subject: [FFML] Re: [HP][Fic]Harry Potter, the Arch-Magus chapter 5
Date: Fri, 07 Jul 2006 10:27:58 -0400

I don't think Harry has been reading the same D&D books I'm familiar
with--astral projection is a 9th level spell.  I don't think separating
the spirit from the body is something anyone is going to think of as a
cantrip, even if they are 11--they're more likely to follow the books
explicitly.

You're forgetting that Harry's not limiting himself to just D&D books.  In 
some, astral projection is a lot simpiler.  More a mental discipline than a 
spell, which is why I consider it a cantrip.

	"Another cantrip I've been considering developing is astral projection.
It's where you temporarily seperate your spirit from your body, and 

either

allow it to move around the physical world, or travel to other, less
physical, planes of existence."

Planes of existence seem like they should be a dead end in the Harry
Potter universe, though I suppose the existence of an Afterlife is
pretty likely.

The astral or etheric planes, the realm in which ghosts reside is one such 
plane of existence.  Also, there's the space which portkeys pull a person 
through, and a few other things.

Planes of existence can also be used to denote another spectrum of reality, 
such as cyberspace (technical I know, but still such a realm)

While I doubt that they are as developed as in some of the worlds, I suspect 
that there's at least 'something.' there.

	"Planes of existence?"  Hermione noted the unfamiliar term.

	"Planes of existence are... well it can mean a couple of different 

things.

Sometimes they use it to mean a different universe, or another 

dimension."

Harry explained.  "Other times, they use it to mean a different level or
area of reality.  Like the Afterlife, or something like that."  'I'm
surprised she hasn't come across the term before in her reading.'

In general, the explanatory text here seemed a bit hard to digest.  You
might want to break it up somehow, rather than just having Harry
lecture.  Maybe have him explain something, then show how he does it.
This would actually be a good opportunity to show how Harry had to adapt
things from the books to work.

Oh?
You mean with flashbacks?  After all, some of this stuff is still in the 
development stage.

One other thing that I just thought of that you might want to consider
is making your references to popular culture a bit more generic to fit
the Harry Potter universe--J.K. Rowling takes a lot of care not to
explicitly name a lot of the Muggle people and places she uses.  (For
instance, in the scene with the Prime Minister in Half-Blood Prince she
never uses a specific party, his rivals are always "the opposition", and
the president he is waiting for a call from is just "from a far away
land".)  It generally helps to focus the action and heft of the story on
the Wizarding world in her case, but its one more piece to make your
story feel a little more authentic.

The only place I could really do that, and maybe make it work, is with the 
RPGs I believe.  That's the only place I can really make it generic.

	This only seemed to enrage the potions master, who stared Harry in the 

eyes

for a few moments.  Harry again had the sensation of 'something' 

touching

him inside his head.  It wasn't like the all-enveloping feeling of the
Sorting Hat, but more like the spider legs that he had gotten when
Ollivander looked in his eyes.  On a hunch, supported by Kenobi's advice 

to

 From what I recall of the chapter, you had described the sensation of
wearing the hat as spider legs as well.

Actually, he described it as something similar, but it wasn't identical.



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