--- StudioPC <studiopc@sbcglobal.net> wrote:

Disclaimer: Sailor Moon is the creation if Naoko
Takeuchi. Other  
characters are the property of Marvel Comics Inc. No
money is being  
made from this and no such intent should be
inferred.

* * * *

Bored.

Usagi leaned her chair back on two legs and
attempted to balance a  
pencil on the tip of her nose as she listened to the
student  
president drone on about some upcoming festival. It
was one of the  
big meetings, with not only class reps, but the club
presidents as  
well. Fortunately, most of the class reps were also
club presidents,  
so the room wasn't as packed as it could have been.

Bored. Bored bored boredey bored bored.

Heh.

"Representative Tsukino!"

Usagi's chair came down and she came to her feet.
"Yes, my liege!"  
she said, saluting. "The warriors of Nan-Jahar stand
ready. The  
barbarian hordes of Al-Amherac shall die on the
plains of Nagahla  
under the hooves of our horses! We will slaughter
them like pigs,  
loot their houses and amuse ourselves with their
women! For the glory  
of Nan-Jahar!"

The president nodded, deciding that he probably
shouldn't think about  
that too hard. "Er, thank you, Miss Tsukino, but I

Smart man.

<snip> 

"Nan-Jahar?" Flash asked as she, Ami, and Usagi
stood in the front  
entrance way, putting on their street shoes. "The

No need for 'way'.

Barbarian Hordes of  
Al-Amherwhatever?"

"Al-Amerhac," Usagi said. "And what about it? I had
to say something."

Suggest "corrected" instead of "said"

"'Yes?' usually suffices."

"Oh sure," Usagi said, rolling her eyes. "If you
want to be rude and  
impolite, yeah."

Flash sighed. "I'd ask what goes on in that head of
yours, Usagi, but  
I'm scared you'd tell me."

And Flash would probably never be the same ever again
:

"I know," Usagi said, and laid her hand on the

Suggest "admitted" instead of "said"

taller girl's  
shoulder. "I feel the same way."

<snip>

Flash looked at her for a moment. "Usagi, that's
weird, even for you.  
Next you'll be telling us Tuxedo Mask is a jewel
thief."

Nitpick1: ..us that Tuxedo.. sounds a tad bit better 

<snip>

"Wha--what do you mean, 'pretending that I'm
straight'?"

Oh come on, Mamoru, just come out of the closet
already!

"Well look at you. Gray pants, black turtleneck with

Well,

a green suit  
jacket?"

"What does that have to do with my sexuality?"
Mamoru shouted,  
causing several people to look at them curiously.

Smart move; get as many people to hear you within
earshot so you can embarass yourself a whole lot
more.. 

<snip>

Heh, I think I like this Usagi much better than the
canon version. 

"I hate her," Mamoru moaned, resting his forehead on
the table. "I  
hate her, I hate her, I hate her." As usual after a

As usual,

run in with  
Tsukino, he had a headache.

Oh poor baby.  Not.

<snip> 

"Sounds like when you run into Sailor Moon," Motoki
said.

Try 'observed'

<snip>

Mamoru grunted and resumed resting his forehead on
the tabletop. It  
was cool to the touch and the Formica smelled nice.
The cleaner they  
use here smelled like lemons. Mamoru liked lemons.
He wondered if he  
would taste lemons if he licked the table.

Hmm.... an odd man, I'd say.

<snip>

"Don't be ridiculous Motoki,"
he said. "Sailor  

Try 'admonished'

Moon is nothing like Tsukino. She's brash, loud,
insane, and obsessed  
with making me look like an ass. Do you know what

Hey man, you make yourself look like an ass without
her help as it is.  Heh.

<snip> 

* * * *

"All right . . ." Flash said, shifting the text book

Try 'began'

on her lap.  
"Question Five."

"Twelve over two times one equals six" Ami replied
absently and then  
blinked at them. "Sorry, what?"

Oh my god, it's contagious! Run for the hills! :D

 
<snip> 

"It's not the hockey game," Ami said.

Try 'replied'
 

Ami shook her head. "It's the date tomorrow. I'm not
sure . . . it's  

.. if it's 

for the best."

<snip>

You duck  
out saying you gotta help a friend, then got to the
cemetery and do  
whatever is you do. Then you just tell your aunt you

whatever it is you do.  Then, you just

<snip> 
 

"I'll be his mistress," Usagi said. "Flash, wanna

Try 'suggested'

share? I bet  
there's enough for both of us."

"Exceptions to every rule, Kino," Usagi said.

Try 'stated'

"Exceptions to every  
rule."

The young man paused,  looked at the fountain and

extra space after paused

<snip>

"Call me Flash or lose a kneecap," Flash said.

Try 'warned'

"Monkeys steal my underwear at night," Usagi said.

Try 'greeted'

Nice reply, I think.

<snip> 

"Well you were bragging about it the other day,"

Well,

Flash said as  
offhandedly as she could.

<snip>

"He died on this day several months ago," Usagi said

Try 'explained'

<snip>

Never mind that grief doesn't work like
that," there was a  

that."  There was a

cold anger with an underlying note of rage in her
voice. "Just  
replace you with Gendo, and instant normalcy."

Suggest: "..and poof!  Instant normalcy."

<snip>

"Actually," Usagi said, taking his arm, "I have a

Try 'told him'

<snip>

"Until fairly recently," he said, leaning on a

Try 'began'

<snip>

like Western Cinema, Animation, the internet,

the Internet

<snip> 

Spring came to an end and turned into summer. Usagi,
Flash, and Ami  
passed out of junior High school and High School

Junior
<snip> 

"What the shit hell?" Flash asked.

I assume this is purposely written like that :D

"That bitch," Flash said at last. "That clever

Try 'spat' or 'cursed'

Some  
message boards are also talking about aim and hydra,

AIM and Hydra
 

So Beryl is building something," Flash said, "but

Try 'guessed'

"That or teaching a greek myth to sharp-shoot,"

Greek

"I don't know," Ami said, making a face. "A weapon?"

Try admitted

"This is the location, time and date of every Youma
attack or unusual  
instance in the past six months," she said.

Try explained
 

"This was the waning days of the Cold War," Betty
said. "There was a  

Try 'clarified' or 'pointed out'

<snip>

"All right, Nicholas," Strange said, "the floor is

Try announced

yours."

<snip> 

"It's metal with surprising conductivity, especially
with sound and  
rare enough to make Gold look like copper," Fury
said. "At the time,  

Try explained

<snip> 

"Define 'Bad', Banner," Fury said. "The word bad
makes me twitchy."

Try ordered, or demanded.
 

"We must evacuate the city," Strange said.

Try announced

<snip>  

"You're going to hell, you realize that," Flash said

Try declared.

to Usagi as they  
walked down the walk and out the gate.

"I'll be in good company," Usagi said, making a

Try replied
 
 

"No, I told you its not what you think, I'm just

it's

cautioning you three  
to be careful."

<snip> 

"If I could go with you, I would," he said, breaking

Try 'told her'
<snip> 

"Monthly appointments at the best hair salon in
Tokyo," Usagi said.  

Try 'informed her'

<snip>

even Strange could garauntee that she would strike.

guarantee

"I hate waiting," Sailor Moon said. "It takes too

Try 'admitted' or 'complained'

<snip>

why its called shore leave. Idiot."

it's

<snip> 

"The Sorcerer Supreme of the Earth Dimension, Master
of Mystic Arts,  
and Gatekeeper of the Vishanti Realms, among
others," Strange said  

Try answered

<snip> 

"We take the train," Sailor Moon said and darted for

Try decided

"Sailor Moon, maybe you should let Spiderwoman or
Banner drive,"  
Jupiter said. "You don't even know how to drive."

Try suggested.


Dave Wong

a.k.a. DarkWing
"Let's get dangerous"

Website: www.geocities.com/darksoar/start.html

__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam?  Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around 
http://mail.yahoo.com 

             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'