You might want to consider shortening the size of
paragraphs for better readability's sake...

Excellently written, and a amusing tale of how an
alien military camp is run to extremes :D  Keep 'em
coming!

*The Little Things*
(A TTBU Companion Story)

Author's Note: This is set slightly before the events
of "The Things Between Us" and overlaps TTBU in later
chapters.


*Prologue: Advisor*

-A week after Operation Impending Doom I-

<snip>
'A weapon of mass destruction - that description
describes their so called "Invader Zim" perfectly',

perfectly,'

the soldier thought, not without some anger.

"Well?" He'd clearly spent too much time thinking
about the matter, the annoyed note in the ruby-eyed
Tallest's voice had grown more pronounced.

Suggest doing this:
"Well?"
He'd clearly spent too...
Improves readability... I think :D

<snip>
"Since when have you cared what anyone else thought?"
The violet-eyed Tallest seemed utterly shocked by the
notion, "I mean after that incident on Devastis..."

Period instead of comma

<snip>
"Pur... You. Are. A. Genius!" Red breathed, his
antennae perked and his eyes glittering with scarcely
concealed enthusiasm. "That's perfect!" He turned back
to the Irken still waiting below the dais patiently,
although now wearing the expression of one who is
facing the gallows. "You, what's your name? Stork!"

Try splitting up the above paragraph in half.  Maybe
at 'He turned back..'

<snip>
"Good boy." Crow patted it on the head and watched it
relax marginally, thinking itself safe. Then, without
any further warning, he plunged the ragged tip of one
of his spider legs clean through it, impaling it on
the bent and twisted metal. It squealed like a dying
rat as the leg bit deeper - hit the thinner metal of
the pak and sheared through.

How... How mean!!

<snip>
Truth be told, Grob had little faith in the ability of
the average science drone to adapt to the harsher
lifestyle of a soldier unit. They simply didn't have
the necessary reflexes and - as most of them had been
working their fields almost as long as he'd been in
his - they were not likely to change easily. 'Damn it
all... the best use for most of this lot is cannon
fodder'. He marched slowly up and down the line,
wondering if he'd get any use out of them at all.
Weapons designers, spaceship engineers, bio-mechanics
- even a sanitation drone or two that had been left
jobless when the research facilities were shut down.
Great... Just great. Of the actually new trainees -
there were about eight out of the sixty-something that
had arrived - only one looked particularly promising.

This paragraph seems to be a bit too long..  Cut it 
into pieces!

<snip>
The real advantage was that it allowed him to divide
his 
troops up by their
abilities , as well as using the squadrons as a
testing ground for leadership potential trainees. For

'leadership potential trainees.'  Try rewording that

that purpose, the division worked well.

<snip>
 C Squadron probably would too, but
the odds there were a little better there, so of

Erase one of the 'there'

course they got all of the remaining "good"
candidates.


Dave Wong

a.k.a. DarkWing
"Let's get dangerous"

Website: www.geocities.com/darksoar/start.html

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