Sorry for the late C&C...  Here goes..

Sewage

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sewers, Throngar Ironbow decided, were the worst
places in the world.

Orc lairs were dirty and smelly, just like their
owners, but the 

Maybe put 'at least' before 'the'

creatures had some sense of value. Gold, silver, and
other precious 
<snip>

But when it came to sewers, there was nothing but
garbage, all of it 
unwanted and shoved out of sight from the city above.
Tons of waste 

But of course!

without a single item of value to be found. And the
stench! It would 
take weeks to remove the aroma of trash, and other far
more unpleasant 
smells, out of his leather armor. At least Throngar
had possessed 
enough sense to wear his older set. In the worst case
it could be tossed out� 

Suggest comma after 'case'

probably ending up in a sewer.

As Throngar walked (and lamented) though the muck, he
passed a bloated 
corpse floating on top of the knee-deep water. He
stared at it 
impassively, walking past and saying, "Remind me why
I'm slogging my 

Suggest '.., then walked past and said,'

<snip>
provided by Artemis's torch, the young man dressed in
bright yellow 

Suggest '...the young man, who was dressed in bright

yellow robes and

had wrapped a hot, pink headband around his

forehead,'
robes and a hot pink headband wrapped around his
forehead, practically 
glowed in the dark. He looked like a giant banana.

Throngar hated bananas.

Awww...  Did a mutant banana attack him in the past?

:D

<snip>

"Why yes, it is a corpse. A very smelly one, too."

Very perceptive of him!

"He's an apprentice of Yorkon Aurion, one of the more
powerful mages in 
Waterdeep. Welleby is by far the brightest of his
pupils. The only 
problem is he's been ensconced in labs, libraries,
lavatories, you 

Suggest 'is that he's been...'

<snip>

After Welleby examined the corpse for a minute, the
trio moved on, 
slogging through the collective refuse from over a
hundred thousand 
members of the variety of races that resided in
Waterdeep. 

Eeewwwww!

"Booty is a nautical term. On land we call it
treasure," Artemis 
pointed out.

Welleby:  Everyone's a critic!

Throngar examined the dagger in the light. It was more
rust than blade, 
judging by the dark splotches along the length of the
blade. It was 

Suggest removing 'of the blade'.

worse than worthless given the sorts of diseases one
could contract 

Comma after worthless

<snip>
Welleby darted to the headband as though he had
forgotten it was there. 

Welleby's hand darted

<snip>
Artemis shifted uncomfortably. "He tried to have me
work for him when I 
was younger. I chose not to since we travel in�
different circles. Very 
reputable wizard, though."

Bwahahaha!  Can't wait to hear the story to this...

if there is a next chapter!

<snip>
The warriors passed by a 'T' junction. As Welleby, who
had fallen a 
good ten meters behind them, walked past, he stopped
and said, "Wait a 
moment. I think I see several people down there." He
waved his hands in 
the air and shouted, "Excuse me! Perhaps you could
help us!"

Someone please kill him before he hurts himself...

heh.

<snip>
"Human," Welleby said. "I'm certain because I placed a
darkvision spell 

Nitpicking.  'answered' sounds better than plain ol'

'said'.
upon myself. Bright as day down here. I can even see
the ale stain on 
your collar."

<snip>
The trio ran quickly, opting for speed over stealth.
They fled straight 
down the passageway, splashing through the refuse.
Throngar made it a 
point to not look down at what they were stepping on.
There were times 
when ignorance was a reward greater than gold.

It's a miracle that they didn't slip on some of the

more solid....refuse

<snip>
The sounds of the angry neo-otyugh were right on top
of him, but 
Welleby 
was still babbling an apology, and Throngar could
locate him over the 
din. He brought back his axe, hoping the mage was
within blade's reach.

Justifiable homicide!

As he swung backward there was a thud as the axe
became embedded in 

Comma after backward

something thick and meaty. 

<snip>
"That's weird." Artemis rubbed his chin thoughtfully.
"I need to 
shave," he added.

How about 'he added as an afterthought'?

Throngar wielded his axe warily. "What's that doing
down here?"

"Temperature variations frequently produce mists,"
Welleby said. "It's 

Suggest replacing 'said' with 'lectured'

perfectly natural. Nothing to fear." He entered the
mist.

And came running back out again, with a group of

dark, howling

creatures in pursuit.

<snip>
Welleby said, "What if it was a resurrection scroll
and ten thousand 

Suggest replacing 'said' with 'asked'

gold? Would that be worth getting killed over?"

<snip>
Better to draw a weapon on an ally than have it
sheathed against an enemy was his motto. 
His allies didn't tend to care for the saying, though.

Obviously not!

<snip>
"I'll handle this!" Welleby bellowed, brandishing his
dagger like a 
wand. In a deep, sonorous voice that held the weight
of command he 
shouted, "I am the invincible mage, Welleby Wellington
the Second, the 
Doombringer of Zaguth! Tremble in fear before me lest
I turn thee into 
stone for all eternity!"

Tatewaki Kunou:  The Blue Thunder shall NOT be shown

up by this

peasant!

<snip>
Not many warriors used that term, but most hadn't been
architects before 

How about 'but then again, most hadn't..'

taking up the sword.

Throngar's first blow decapitated the lead zombie. It
fell to the 
floor, more lifeless than ever. Out of the corner of
his eye Throngar saw 
Artemis dodge an arm and lop it off at the elbow. That
was probably the 
best he could do with a short sword. Artemis ducked
low and whirled as 
a second undead assaulted him. This time the sword bit
into the back of a 
leg, causing the zombie to fall. Not enough to destroy
it, but he was 
making it difficult for the undead to inflict harm.

How about adding 'to inflict harm by limiting its

mobility'?

<snip>
Instead Welleby thrust forward with the dagger,
sinking up to the hilt 

Comma after instead

<snip>
for magic as it fell to the muck, a charred, unmoving
husk.

'for the magic..'

Welleby admired the blade. "So, it's some sort of
undead bane or 
negative energy drinker. Most interesting and
valuable. No doubt the 
appearance of rust was meant to camouflage its true
abilities. That 
would also explain why it was abandoned, someone not
realizing its true 

'someone didn't realize its...'

nature. It was a good thing I was able to sense the
magic in it."

<snip>
Isebert's acolytes were already clearing the way,
removing the next to 

Suggest replacing 'next' with 'second'

last barrier to the surface. 

<snip>
Isebert gazed over them with a curious eye. "Ah, a
warm up. Oh boys, 
tears these two intruders to shreds before marching on
the city."

How about '.. Ohhhh boyyys, tear these...'

As one two thousand zombies turned toward the men.

Comma after one

<snip>
direction of the robed man. Collectively they appeared
powerful enough 

Comma after Collectively

to wipe out a tribe of ogres and then take on a dragon
for fun. And 
then 
have lunch.

<snip>
"I find that difficult to believe," the magister said.
"An explosion of 
unknown origin backs up nearly every sewer in the city
and the only 

'that backs up'

<snip>
"It smells like everything is clinging to you," the
magister said. 

Suggest replacing 'said' with 'observed'

<snip>
The trio were allowed to recover their belongings and
warned not to 

'and were warned..'

leave the city until the matter of the altar's
existence was settled. 

<snip>
"Remind me again why I'm riding in the middle of empty
fields of grain, 
hung over so badly I'm ready to fertilize the crops
with my breakfast?"

Welleby:  Here we go again!!!

<snip>
"Unless he's a scout for the main force," Throngar
said.

It was at that moment the warrior had an epiphany, one
he would have 
thought impossible a day ago.

Maybe sewers weren't such bad places after all.

Bwahahaha! LOL!  Great ending!

Nicely written, humorous, and well plotted out!  Hope
there's another adventure 
forthcoming!


Dave Wong

a.k.a. DarkWing
"Let's get dangerous"

Website: www.geocities.com/darksoar/start.html

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