Such a thing of wonder, the starry sky. So deep and mysterious, 
and very, very delicious. Yummy, one might say. Alas, something 
so full of beauty and grace is not always so vast. It's somewhat 
cramped, actually. You can hardly stretch your legs without 
breaking a star or two, and that tends to get everyone rather 
upset. Especially those people, always looking through their 
metal tubes and bits of glass --_those_ people become quite 
miffed at losing a star. Oh no, We cannot even describe their 
miffedness when they happen to lose something a tad more 
visible, shall We say, the Moon.
Again.
Which brings Us to Our current dilemma.
It has grown a bit bothersome, to be frank and absolutely 
candid. The Moon should be made sturdier, else We will keep 
smashing it into itty bitty pieces every time Our classy self 
ambles placidly through the neighborhood. We blame our 
diminutive Son, always rolling up these colorful and squeaky yet 
so very breakable clumps.
(Worse, We are saddened to report, he always forgets that 
unique cheese-based quality. Alas, such stumbles have to be 
forgiven. He is only young and precocious, never thinking with 
his Royal head.)
And yet, it is such a thrill. A sinful, exciting mischief 
to revel in Our glorious, Moon-cracking might. Yes, We are so 
naughty. Very naughty and mighty indeed.
But it is not the time to bask in the light of large and 
little Moon bits drifting back down to Earth. This Moon was not 
Ours for breaking! Our Son's performance was not up to par, but 
his inchling stature hides a heart as great as Our own. He 
lovingly and painstakingly made this Moon for Us; he would be 
most, most forlorn with Our shattering it. And he's much too 
young and pint-sized to become a rebel with a cosmic cause.
We must act fast. Quick. With haste! Before anyone 
notices! Yes, it is imperative that We replace the Moon before 
Our Son looks up to find it gone. We will go to Earth Ourselves, 
and remake the Moon. A properly cheesy Moon, of course. Not too 
shabby, yet not too chic --it must, after all, look as though 
Our miniature Son had rolled it. Yes! We can swindle it somehow. 
A switcheroo, a magnificent Royal hoodwink. Oh, so smart. We are 
so utterly clever.
Full-steam ahead, rolling down to Earth! Let Us take the 
Royal Rainbow! The prettiness and collectibility of the Cosmos 
is in Our Royal hands!
(Our fans will be thrilled to see Us, at the very least.)



*****************
***** *****

His & Her
Katamari Pandashii

***** *****
*****************


Katamari Damacy, created by Keita Takahashi, developed and 
distributed by Namco. Namco Ltd., 2004-2006.
Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan. English 
version copyright Viz Communications.

No profit is made from this work of fiction. It is for the 
entertainment of fellow fans only.





Soun Tendo stood absolutely still, legs akimbo and firmly 
planted on the deck, arms crossed haughtily across his chest as 
he surveyed the expanse of his garden and pond. The light of a 
clear summer morning shone brightly on his eyes, but his 
demeanor cast contempt even for the kingly star. Once in a 
while, a carp would leap and break the surface; he would raise 
an eyebrow in appreciation, but otherwise would not budge from 
his position.
That was how Akane found him as she entered the dining 
room, coming to join the family for breakfast. It was not 
unusual for him to stand in contemplation, she thought, but 
there was something noticeable different about him that day. His 
shoulders seemed broader, somehow, his stance much more firm. 
Even his dark gi seemed to fit him more snugly. Dismissing it as 
a trick of her eyes, Akane smiled and greeted him, "Good 
morning, Dad." The man did not reply, though, his figure 
seemingly hewn from stone. Bewildered, she stared at him for an 
instant before heading for the table, where Nabiki gave her a 
half-hearted wave.
Sitting down, Akane asked discreetly, "What's up with Dad 
today?"
"He's just cranky for some reason," Nabiki replied, 
yawning and running her hand through her mess of bed hair. "I 
heard some noise in the yard last night, probably woke him up 
too."
"Oh, that?" Akane nodded, and turned to see that her 
father still had not moved an inch. "Sounded like something huge 
was rolling down the street." She shrugged, dismissing the 
notion with a brief wave of her hand. "I thought it had 
something to do with Ranma."
"What was that?" the pigtailed boy asked, choosing that 
moment to enter the dining room with a towel still draped around 
his neck. "Hey, Mr. Tendo. G'mornin'."
"Geez, Ranma, at least take a shower if you're gonna work 
out before breakfast," Nabiki said, scowling.
"Can't, heater's still broken." He dropped next to Akane, 
who made a face. "I'll go to the bathhouse later," he finished.
"It wouldn't kill you to take a cold shower right now," 
Akane chided him, and added in a whisper, "Dad's upset about 
something, you know. Least you could do is have some manners at 
breakfast."
Blinking in curiosity, Ranma turned halfway around and 
stared at Soun for a moment. The older man looked left, then 
right, and purposefully strode around the room to stand just as 
proudly at the head of the table as he had stood on the veranda. 
Both sisters and Ranma watched him closely. No longer under the 
bright sunshine, Akane noticed that his features had a distinct 
gray pallor, almost sickly-looking, but his stern expression 
belied any illness. More perplexed than before, she was about to 
ask him to sit down when Kasumi and Nodoka emerged from the 
kitchen, laden with food and dishes for the family. Shortly 
afterwards, a very fresh-looking panda also joined them, pausing 
for a moment to stare at his immobile friend before sitting at 
the already crowded table.
"Father? Breakfast's ready," Kasumi said, smiling up at 
him while setting his rice bowl and chopsticks at his place. He 
looked down and cocked his head, apparently finding something 
immensely intriguing about the round and sticky lump being 
offered to him. Finally uncrossing his arms, he began to reach 
down for it with his open hand when he suddenly stopped. Staring 
at something just past Genma's shoulder, he snorted in 
disapproval, then pivoted on his heel and marched out of the 
room.
The Saotomes and the Tendos looked at each other in 
silence and confusion, hearing only the sounds of the patriarch 
rummaging noisily through the kitchen cabinet. After a few 
instants, he returned --and this time they gaped openly at his 
appearance.
He was wearing a cheap cardboard crown Nabiki had brought 
from an American burger joint, which fit tightly on his head. 
There was also an old, burgundy tablecloth draped across his 
shoulders, and he was wearing white gloves for some unfathomable 
reason. But the strangest thing of all was that he had somehow 
affixed two rolls of paper towels to the sides of his head, as 
wide as his own head and so enormous they extended past his 
shoulders.
The paper towels were still in their wrappers, which were 
a deep purple color with a flowers-and-stars print. He seemed 
rather pleased by this.
"Uh... Dad?" Akane ventured.
"Whoa. When you said he was upset, you weren't kiddin'," 
Ranma said, staring wide-eyed at him.
"I think maybe your father should get some sleep," Nodoka 
offered cordially, reaching over the table to pat Akane's hand. 
"He must be very tired from all the noise last night."
"Y-yeah..." Akane grimaced, struggling to find a reason 
behind her father's appearance that didn't involve 
straightjackets, and failing. She stood up, and headed towards 
Soun to take him by the arm. "Come on, Dad, let's head back to 
bed, all right?"
"Buenos dias!" he proclaimed genially at her before she 
could even reach him. His voice boomed, filled with such a 
commanding yet affable tone that it was hard to believe it was 
actually Soun Tendo. "Sleep? No, We are feeling so much better. 
Yes, We feel an improvement. We look more like Ourselves now."
Akane just stared.
"Well, Ranma, seems you finally broke him." Nabiki rolled 
her eyes, turning towards him. "Whatever you were up to last 
night really--"
"Hey, I didn't do nothin'!" Ranma objected, but Nabiki had 
fallen silent. She was staring past, her eyes wide and 
unblinking, straight at Genma. Ranma waved his hand in front of 
her a few times, puzzled, then shrugged and turned to see what 
she was staring at. He saw it, and instantly recoiled with a 
"Gah!" that caught everyone's attention.
Standing on Genma's shoulder was a little green man.
The panda jerked but was otherwise too horrified to move, 
especially once they saw that "man" could not accurately 
describe the tiny figure. Standing almost three inches tall, it 
had an oversized, tube-shaped head that extended widely to the 
sides. This head was set on top of a pair of narrow shoulders, 
but, like a cone, the rest of the body widened out a millimeter 
or two at the waist before ending abruptly. It stood on a pair 
of spaghetti legs as bendy and frail-looking as its arms. Both 
its hands and feet were tiny enough as to be almost impossible 
to discern from its limbs, which was just as well: it wore deep 
purple tights below its waist, and a green suit covered his 
upper body all the way to his head and hands, giving the 
impression that it was wearing mittens and socks. This suit had 
a wide brim at the waist, and was a darker shade at each end of 
the tube-head. It had only one square-shaped opening around the 
face --which was perfectly flat but for the small triangle of 
its nose. With almond eyes and small grin set on a pink and 
innocent face, it looked almost like a very young boy.
"Oh... my," Kasumi said, trying politely not to stare. 
"It's so cute!"
"What the HELL is that?" Ranma stood up quickly, backing 
up protectively towards Nabiki and Akane.
"Dear?" Nodoka prodded Genma's arm, only mildly concerned 
about this turn of events. "There's a tiny Martian standing on 
your shoulder..."
"Martian?" Soun scoffed. "He is no such thing. You must be 
thinking of his cousin." Puffing out his chest and crossing his 
arms with condescension, he looked down at the undersized person 
on the panda's shoulder. "Ah, Prince. We have been found. 
Sniffed out of hiding by Our own kin. We should have known Our 
tiny tot would discover Our whereabouts soon enough."
Ranma looked back and forth between Soun and the tube-
headed Prince. Exasperated, he scratched his brow and let out a 
sigh. "Okay, I'm obviously missing something here. Mr. Tendo, 
you know what that thing is?"
"Of course. This is the Prince, and the Prince is Our 
Son," Soun declared simply and matter-of-factly. The 
infinitesimal intruder leapt down to the table and let out a 
series of chords and warbles that sounded very much like a 
shrill electronic distortion, as if trying to catch Soun's 
attention.
"Oh my, he's so cute!" Kasumi restated, smiling in 
delight.
Nabiki narrowed her eyes and stared accusingly at her 
father. "There might be something that you and Mom forgot to 
tell us, Daddy."
Akane stepped back, suddenly very fearful of both the 
small interloper as well as her own father. Had the real Soun 
been kidnapped by a race of miniature green aliens? Would 
someone pop out from behind a wall and reveal the hidden camera 
so everyone could join in one big laugh?
As anxious as she felt about the man standing beside her 
in the dining room, as much as every nerve in her body wanted 
her to scream out and start beating some answers out of everyone 
involved, she restrained herself. Deep inside her heart, she 
felt this was her father; this was Soun Tendo standing less than 
a foot away from her. There was something very wrong with him, 
and she was not about to abandon him to it, whatever it was.
Gently, she reached out and touched his arm. "Dad? W-
what's going on?"
There was a tingle like an electric current at the touch, 
and Soun turned to her in surprise, looking at her hand with 
burning fascination. With a frown, he looked at her closely from 
head to toe, and repeated the action with every other person in 
the room, examining them all one by one as though measuring them 
up. All the while, the Prince kept leaping up and down slowly, 
almost as if gravity were of little importance to him, chirping 
at Soun in his unique voice.
"Ah, yes." Soun harrumphed and shook off Akane's hand. "We 
suppose We should allow for an appropriate explanation for this 
disturbance. Please stand by, We are very sorry for the 
inconvenience."
He uncrossed only one arm, motioning towards the table 
with an extended hand. Akane and Ranma stared at him for a 
moment, at a loss, before realizing he was directing them to 
sit. In spite of themselves and the oddity of the situation, 
they couldn't help obeying the silent command, and Soun nodded 
in approval as they did.
"Being such that We have intruded upon this most humble 
household," Soun began, once they were all seated at attention, 
"it is Our duty to allay your distress. So let Us introduce 
Ourselves: We are the Great and Fabulous King Of All Cosmos."
If he was expecting a fanfare after his declaration, he 
did not show. However, Akane did catch a brief look of 
disappointment cross his eyes once he realized he had failed to 
impress them.
Genma pulled up a sign, "Oh yeah, he's cuckoo." He pulled 
another, "Pass his side-dish, please."
"You," Nabiki arched an eyebrow at him, "A king. And you," 
she jerked her head towards the green-clad visitor, "A prince." 
The petite Prince chirped and nodded, bowing his entire body to 
do so. "Let me tell you, Daddy, this is not how I planned to 
become royalty."
"Uh, Mr. Tendo? Didja hit your head or something?" Ranma 
asked, rubbing his head nervously.
"Alas. Tough audience." Soun rubbed his chin thoughtfully. 
"We would dare say, Our great fame and reputation has failed to 
precede Us this one occasion." He stopped rubbing for an 
instant, knit his brow, and touched his chin with his fingertip. 
When he pulled his finger away, it was trailed by a small thread 
of rainbow light that magically extended around his chin and 
face. When the light winked out in a multicolored sparkle, Soun 
was left with a pitch-black, perfectly trimmed beard that 
cleaved his chin vertically from his lip and wrapped around his 
jaw. His moustache was slimmer as well, and its pointed ends 
jutted upwards at an angle.
"Better, yes, delightfully better. We are pleased," he 
said, nodding to himself.
"How... how'd you do that?" Ranma asked, amazed.
Soun turned to him, bored. "A little thing for Us. But you 
must confess: does the sight of Our magnificent Chin not inspire 
you? Are you not helplessly enthralled by the wonder and glory 
of Our marvelous, kingly Chin?"
The Prince stopped jumping and buried his face in his 
hands, mortified. The people in the room merely stared.
"This is most peculiar and strange," Soun said. "Our fans 
thrill and swoon at the mere sight of Our Royal Chin. Could it 
be that this is no longer their taste? Is it possible that We... 
are not trendy anymore? That We are not at the vanguard of 
vogues?"
The look of sheer horror that took hold of Soun's face was 
so terrible that, regardless of the lunacy she was witnessing, 
Akane couldn't help feeling sympathy towards him. Forcing a 
grin, she said, "We, uh, we like your chin just fine, Dad. 
The... the beard's a nice touch...?"
Nabiki prodded her in the ribs. "What are you doing?" she 
whispered.
"We have to go along with it till we find out what's wrong 
with him!" Akane whispered back.
Almost as if reacting to her sentiment, Ranma slammed his 
hands on the table and pointed at the Prince. "You! You're 
behind this, ain't ya? You took over Mr. Tendo's brain or 
scrambled it or something, and you probably want to do the same 
thing to us!" He smirked confidently. "Well, I'll tell you 
something: Ranma Saotome's head is too hard for you to crack!"
Shocked by the hostile display, the Prince fled across the 
table and tripped on a chopstick. He did not shake so much as 
vibrate in abject fright as he rolled onto his back and scooted 
away from Ranma, finally hiding behind Soun's rice bowl.
"Ranma! That was cruel!" Akane said, surprising herself. 
For all she knew, he was right. Soun had attached the rolls of 
paper towels in a reasonable imitation of the Prince's tube-
shaped head, and he recognized --or, at least, responded to-- 
the minuscule minion. On the other hand, he didn't seem to be 
too distraught over the Prince's predicament.
"Oh dear," Soun sighed. "Our Son is still too short and 
unripe to properly grow a Royal spine. It must fall upon Us to 
defend him from these not-fans of Ours."
He then fixed a contemptuous glare on Ranma. The martial 
artist drew back, inexplicably intimidated, but Soun did nothing 
more. Instead, he blinked once, twice, and then cocked his head 
again as if something had just failed to take place. The Prince 
looked up at him, looking equally confused.
"A pity," Soun said with a moan. "This man-like body We 
have borrowed is still unfit to channel Our vast and terrible 
powers."
Akane gasped at those words. "B-borrowed?!" she exclaimed, 
standing up. "So Ranma WAS right! You DID take over my dad's 
body!" She reared back, drawing up her fists. Following her 
lead, Ranma stood and readied himself while the rest of the 
family pulled back from the tableau. The Prince, however, peeked 
out of hiding and anxiously shook his wide head in denial.
"Violence! Aggression! Fisticuffs intended for Our Royal 
person! How very disturbing," Soun said reproachfully. He lifted 
a hand. "Stop!" he commanded, and they did, momentarily. "Had We 
not told you earlier? We are the King of All Cosmos! We, who 
scandalously and delightfully broke the starry sky and gained 
popularity without parallel just last year! We have momentarily 
borrowed your father's body. We're taking it for a spin, for a 
short cavort around the block, as We wished to see how Our 
loving subjects conducted their trivial things and goings-on."
Nabiki narrowed her eyes at this statement. With a soft 
"Hmm" of interest, she rose from the table and hurried to her 
room.
Akane watched her go, stunned, but faced Soun again. "And 
you chose _our_ dad to do this?" she asked, still doubtful about 
the man's true identity but quite convinced that he was not at 
all her father.
"It was a spur of the moment choice," the man said, 
noncommittally. "We do have to admit, your father presented us 
with a manly aspect that comes quite close to matching Our own."
The awkward silence that followed was thankfully broken by 
a polite, but surprisingly loud knock on the outer gate. 
Faltering only for a moment, as though expecting either Akane or 
the man in Soun's body to react, Kasumi stood up and excused 
herself to greet the visitor.
She hadn't been absent for too long before her voice, 
filled with awe, drifted back to the dining room. "Ah, Father? 
Mr. King? There's someone here... to see you."
He frowned. "To see Us? But who could possibly..." He 
spared a quick glance at the Prince, who was once again chirping 
excitedly at him. What little color remained in his face drained 
away. "Oh, dear. This is most unexpected. A tragedy of cosmic 
proportions. Prince!" He glanced at the wee child. "We are very, 
very disappointed! It is Our Son's royal duty to inform Us of 
this mischief!"
The Prince leapt up, waving his arms and squeaking.
"Oh. So you came to warn Us and We failed to listen. An 
oversight most wretched! But it is of no matter, the Prince of 
All Cosmos should have been able to capture Our vast, universal 
attention. We might forgive you in due time. For now, let Us 
slip and let Us hide."
Then he proceeded to sit and curl up behind the large mass 
of Genma's body. The Prince chirped and squeaked excitedly, but 
the so-called King would not leave his impromptu hiding place.
Nodoka frowned at the display. "Well, that's not very 
manly," she admonished. "Ranma, dear, will you go fetch Kasumi 
and welcome our visitor inside?" Nodding, Ranma glanced askance 
at the "King" and stepped towards the hallway.
"No! You mustn't," said King protested, giving Ranma 
pause. "The Queen must never know We are here!"
"What? 'Queen'?" Akane stepped back, her mind still 
reeling from the quick succession of revelations in this most 
unusual morning. She turned to Ranma, who nodded in agreement, 
and the two teens rushed for the front door. Neither knew what 
they would find, but if it could somehow confirm or disprove 
what the "King" had claimed, they needed to know.
Meanwhile, Nodoka watched as the Prince walked, much like 
a marionette, towards Soun's forgotten rice bowl, and began to 
munch the rice one grain at a time. "My, my, how disgraceful," 
Nodoka said with a hint of disapproval in her voice. "What kind 
of husband would hide from his wife like that?"
The panda sitting beside her wisely declined to comment.
Ranma and Akane found Kasumi standing halfway between the 
front door and the outer gate, fiddling with her apron and 
gazing upwards occasionally. It was unusually bright outside, a 
white hue covered the entire front yard as well as the sky above 
and beyond the wall. Akane paid no attention as she reached her 
sister and put a hand on her shoulder. "Kasumi? What is it, 
where's the visitor?"
Kasumi turned slowly, deliberately, to face her younger 
sister. Gently, as if coming out of a dream, she said, "Oh, 
she's right outside, Akane. Look."
Ranma and Akane stared at her oddly before looking out the 
large wooden gate. There was nothing there, though, just their 
front neighbor's wall. But before either of them could say 
anything, Kasumi silently rolled her eyes upwards, as if afraid 
that pointing would be altogether too rude. They looked up.
Akane gasped and fell on her rump, and Ranma shrank back 
in stupefaction. Neither of them would forget the sight for as 
long as they lived.
It was a... gigantic would be too modest a word. Colossal 
and gargantuan also failed to do it justice. But what other 
quality would apply to the tube-headed woman who currently 
loomed over Tokyo, looking down on the Tendo Dojo like a man 
would look upon a flea?
Akane instantly realized that the white glow all around 
was, in fact, the morning light being reflected by the woman's 
impossibly vast skirt. Just like the Prince, her head had the 
shape of a cylinder and it was wide, very, very wide. In lieu of 
an antenna, though, she wore a modest crown, and her head was 
not green but white, with pink bands at each end as well as pink 
trim around her face. Her dress, or as much of it as Akane could 
see, was composed of a very elegant if antiquated pink blouse 
with long sleeves, puffed shoulders and a wide frill around her 
neck. Her skirt, as white and pristine as her head, extended far 
beyond the neighborhood, and Akane vaguely suspected its trim 
lay somewhere beyond Nerima.
At least her face was wide and innocent, almost identical 
to the Prince's, a part of Akane's fractured mind thought. 
Together with the warm blonde locks that framed the top of her 
face, her expression gave the woman a friendly and cordial 
demeanor. Which was a good thing, seeing how she could try to 
wear Tokyo Tower as a cute little hat and get away with it.
It was all too much. For what was possibly the first time 
ever, Akane felt a faint coming up.
Ranma was having none of that, though. "HOLY SHIT!" he 
exclaimed, standing over Akane and pointing at the Queen. "D'you 
see THAT? She's HUGE! She, she... She's GODDAMN HUGE!"
The faint came and went, and Akane stood and slapped Ranma 
over the head. "It's rude to point at people, you dummy!" 
"She says she saw her husband and son somewhere near 
here," Kasumi said, then looked up with an affable smile, "Would 
you like to come in for tea, Mrs. Cosmos?"
Akane stared at Kasumi as if to check that her sister's 
head wasn't tube-shaped already. What was she thinking, inviting 
her to come _in_ for tea? She could barely fit in the city, let 
alone their house!
Much to her surprise, the Queen smiled happily and nodded, 
in a gesture very reminiscent of the Prince's own. Before she 
could react, though, the Queen stood upright and shone, a 
rainbow light so brilliant it made her dizzy for a moment. When 
her senses settled down, Akane saw that the Queen stood in the 
middle of the yard, a woman no taller than Nodoka, with her 
hands clasped demurely before her. Oddly enough, she looked 
completely human but for her tube head --her hands and feet were 
as rosy and five-fingered as any other person's. She was also, 
Akane noticed grimly, as well-endowed as a Saotome.
"How'd she... but she was... small... freaking big... 
what..." Ranma looked at her and up at the sky, back and forth 
and back again, until he turned to Akane and demanded an 
explanation. She just slowly opened and closed her mouth, like a 
gasping fish.
Giggling shyly, the Queen said something about moods and 
atmospheric pressure. There was very little response they could 
give to that.
"Would you come in?" Kasumi offered. The Queen giggled 
again, covering her mouth with her hand, and followed the eldest 
Tendo sister while Ranma orbited defensively around Akane. 
Polite to a fault, the Queen picked up her skirt to remove her 
shoes at the entrance, and then trailed after Kasumi towards the 
dining room. Akane and Ranma followed warily, their senses still 
blasted by the Queen's original, humongous appearance.
When they entered the dining room, they saw only Genma 
sitting very still at the table. The Prince was no longer eating 
Soun's rice; rather, he had pulled the white and sticky lump 
onto the table and wadded it up into a perfect ball, which he 
was busily rolling all over the table. Nabiki was still nowhere 
to be found, but Nodoka entered shortly afterwards carrying a 
tray of tea and rice crackers.
"Oh, welcome!" The Saotome matriarch smiled politely at 
the Queen. "Kasumi didn't say you were a foreigner. How do you 
do? I'm Nodoka Saotome." She bowed. The new visitor presented 
herself as the Queen of All Cosmos, mimicking her host's bow 
with perfect precision. "Would you like some tea?" Nodoka 
offered.
The Queen made a cooing noise of delight and reached out 
for a cup with both hands. But before she could take it, she 
noticed movement behind the large furry body at the other end of 
the room. Putting her hands on her hips, she gave a small whine 
of disapproval and stomped her foot on the tatami.
The panda shuddered. The Prince stopped rolling his rice 
ball --which by now had a pair of chopsticks, some fish-cake, 
and a dried sardine attached-- and flew straight like an arrow 
to the Queen's side.
"Dear..." Nodoka said, her voice sharp and threatening. At 
once, Genma scampered away from the scene, leaving a rather put-
off Soun glaring in his direction.
"What a stunning and disturbing reversal. This leaves Us 
no choice: We will save the pandas no more," he declared 
severely. Impatient, the Queen stomped her foot again and 
cleared her throat. "Ah, yes," he said, quickly drawing himself 
up to his full stature  and composing himself. "Our lovely 
Queen, what a delightful chance that you should find Us here. A 
truly amazing coincidence."
The Queen pouted, visibly annoyed. She said she knew what 
the King had done, and that he was setting a most dreadful 
example for his son. Finally, she was very adamant about wanting 
him to go back with her before he could have a chance to break 
something else.
"Hold on," Ranma interrupted. "So it's all true, then? 
He... really is this King person? And he took over Mr. Tendo's 
body?"
"Apparently so." Nabiki reappeared, reading over the 
printouts in her hands. "Daddy... er, he said he 'broke' the stars 
last year? It reminded me of an old news report I read back then." 
She flipped the printout around and held it up for the others to 
see. "And I _know_ Dad doesn't keep up with this sort of thing, 
so there's no way he could be making it up."
_ALL STARS VANISH FROM THE NIGHT SKY_, the headline read, 
followed by _MOON ALSO SUSPECTED MISSING_.
"But... the stars are still there," Akane said. "I saw 
them just last night! The Moon, too!" She blinked oddly at the 
King. "And how could anyone break a star, anyway?"
"Ah, both were Our doing," the King said proudly. "Stars 
shatter like so many sugar cubes under our awesome touch. Yet, 
We rebuilt the sky with brand new stars of Our own. Much more 
stylish, lively ones, flashier than ever." The Queen fixed him 
with a gaze, and he corrected, "Yes, We had some minor help from 
the Prince, who rolled them up for Us. But it was Our endless 
sense of fashion that remade those piddly katamari into the 
shiny shards that sailors like so much."
"Kata... mari?" Akane asked.
"It is but one of Our numerous powers and thingamajigs," 
the King explained. "Alas, this is a first for Us! We find 
Ourselves extremely sorry to say that We are unable to comply 
with Our lovely Queen's request, well and truly sorry. Technical 
difficulties, you see."
"What do you mean, 'technical difficulties'?" Akane 
demanded, distressed but also aghast at the trivial term that 
the King had used to excuse himself with. "Why can't you leave 
our dad alone?"
The King shrugged disdainfully. "We are bored with these 
questions, Our Royal skin is made all dry and goosebumpy with so 
many of them. Come, Prince, We have many more chores for Our 
Son to roll up."
He spun away from Akane's gaze, but quickly noticed that 
the Prince had not budged an inch. Shocked, he struck a mighty 
pose of raw command and turned towards him and the Queen. "Come, 
We said!"
The Prince almost obeyed, but the Queen shook her head and 
motioned towards Akane, directing him, in turn, to answer her.
"Here's the way I see it," Ranma said, cracking his 
knuckles. "If you don't leave now, I'm gonna beat you right 
outta Mr. Tendo's body. I'll just hafta apologize to him later."
He took a step forward. The King instantly replied by 
striking another, more dynamic pose, but it had no effect. The 
pigtailed boy still seemed ready to tussle with him, and the 
three sisters seemed rather put off by the whole deal --the 
middle one had a very sharp and scary look in her eyes, 
particularly, while the oldest one was clinging to the Queen's 
arm (a peculiar and quizzical action, in his Royal Opinion) in 
expectation.
The youngest one, though, had an interesting clash of both 
fury and fear that went well with her eyes. Almighty sovereign 
of the Cosmos that he was, with power over life and death and 
rainbows and roses, the King had a soft spot for the little 
people. He never could resist a request, especially from his 
Queen --this young woman had a feisty attitude that was 
completely unlike the Queen's, but it was endearing all the 
same.
Plus, the young man threatened with hand to hand combat. 
That was a no-no: the King still remembered the boxing days of 
his childhood. 
With a fabulous and lightning-quick flourish, the King 
fell back to his more usual pose with his arms crossed over his 
chest. "A confession!" he called out, "A Royal confession of 
crime and felony! Prince!" He pointed at his son, who 
immediately flew to him. "We did it again. Oops, yes, We did it. 
The Moon is gone. Kaput, kablooie, burst like so much phooey." 
The Prince stared at him in betrayal, no longer able to float up 
to the King's level and drifting all the way down in utmost 
dismay. The King, oblivious, continued, "Yes, the bunny in the 
red suit might deliver no eggs to Us this Christmas, for We were 
naughty beyond compare. We did try to make it better, you 
know. With speed unmatched We raced down to Earth, a katamari of 
Our own in Our grasp, intending to roll a replacement Moon.
"Tragedy struck Us! And indeed, the previous Moon did. In 
Our rush, We were blindsided. Cut off in traffic by a chunk of 
Moon. Our sacrifice was helpful and lucky, lucky for all, 
because that chunk could have smashed Earth and dropped real- 
estate values for too many of Our fans. Unlucky for Us, because
it knocked Us cold. We had speed, We had haste... We had 
unstoppable momentum. We had forgotten Our shin pads. Now Earth 
is full of many things, King-bits included. The King of All 
Cosmos is not above curry nor karma, so the Moon broke Us just 
like We had broken it.
"But don't be alarmed, Our Queen! We are safe and sound. 
We found four-star lodging in this temporary figure, and We can 
leave once it's ready. It's a bit of a fix-'er-upper, but it can 
grow into Us in a few days, give or take a month."
Akane's left eye twitched. None of this could be true, 
could it? There was no cosmic royalty in her house, nobody could 
really break stars or Moons, right? Yes, that was it. Ahaha. 
Wake up, Akane. You're still dreaming. Don't mind the flamboyant 
guy with the crown and the paper rolls on his head. Wake up.
"Wait, so you're saying that you don't have a body of your 
own, so you'll completely take over Dad's body in a month?" 
Nabiki asked coldly.
"That's... that's very rude!" Kasumi said.
"Why don't you just go and take over Kuno or something?" 
Ranma said. "Why we gotta pay for something you did?"
Akane had had enough. Shaking her head free of all the 
surprises, bombshells and revelations, she grabbed the King by 
her father's gi and said, "Look, I don't care who you are, where 
you came from or even if you really can make or break stars. All 
I wanna know is what do we have to do to get rid of you and get 
our father back. Got it?"
That was, the Queen said, a very simple question, and she 
asked the King to demonstrate. Obligingly, the King waited for 
Akane to release him before extending an open palm. A shining 
ball of rainbow colors appeared magically in his hand, then took 
a solid, stable form.
It was mostly spherical, colored bright green and the size 
of a baseball. But its surface was also covered with about a 
dozen large bumps, each adorned by multicolored concentric 
rings, and placed so closely together it hardly seemed like a 
sphere anymore.
"Presenting..." the King said, "A katamari!"
The Queen clapped and cheered politely. The Prince, still 
on the floor, leapt up and down in glee.
"That's a... 'clump,'" Ranma said, sarcastically.
"Not just any clump," the King allowed the katamari to 
roll off his hand and onto the floor. The Prince was drawn 
instinctively to it, and quickly began to roll it all around the 
room. In less than a minute, a multitude of minuscule objects had 
gotten stuck to the katamari's surface --coins, buttons, cookies  
that nobody had ever seen before, a couple of pencils, and a  
quail's egg. Kasumi blinked at that one.
"Delightful, such a wondrous katamari!" the King said, 
"But you could do better. Let Us take it for now."
The katamari rose from the floor on its own accord, coming 
to rest on the King's outstretched hand. He looked upon the 
clump of random junk, insignificant and discarded items no one 
would have missed or wanted otherwise, and to Akane's eyes it  
seemed as though he saw the entire Universe within it. "This..."  
he finally said, in a much more sober voice that betrayed a hint 
of sincere gladness, "is how We make stars."
The Prince leapt up and down, vying for his father's 
attention. The King returned from his reverie and spoke once 
again in his haughty tone. "Yes, yes. The most you collected 
with this katamari was... coins. Yes, We will now dub this the 
'Family Riches' Star."
He lifted his hand, and the katamari slowly floated 
upwards to the middle of the room. It hovered near the lamp for 
a second and then, in a flash of the purest and brightest light 
they had ever seen, it became a tiny, shining star.
"Th-that's... amazing!" Ranma gasped.
The King raised an eyebrow, and snapped his fingers.
With a sound like the ringing of a hundred bells of glass, 
the miniature star broke apart into a million tiny little motes 
of stardust. The room grew dim for a moment, the better to allow 
the stardust to hang in the air around the entire room, and fill 
it with a soft radiance that made the sunlight outside feel like 
a cheap imitation. The entire family let out a breath of 
childlike wonder at the extraordinary sight, bright and wispy 
dots of light drifting all around them like ethereal snow.
"How beautiful..." Kasumi sighed.
"Yeah, it's so pretty..." Nabiki breathed, then caught 
herself and slapped her cheeks. "What am I saying? I can make 
millions with this!"
Akane merely let herself drift along with the stardust, 
finding herself crying both in wonder as well as the ultimate 
realization that it was all real, and it was all happening. It 
was at once both miraculous and terrible, bringing joy and  
anxiety. These were the King and Queen and Prince of All Cosmos, 
and her father's fate was now inexorably linked to theirs.
All of a sudden, she fell back on the Queen's arms. Her 
Majesty caught the smaller girl gently, with a motherly touch, 
and Akane couldn't help smiling at the bright and honest face on 
the front of that wide tube-shaped head. "Thank you," she said. 
Stepping forward, she hurriedly wiped her eyes with the heel of 
her hand and said, "Okay, okay. I get it now. So, how do we do 
this? Do we have to help you make new stars?"
It wasn't exactly that, the Queen said. There were plenty 
of stars in the sky already, and the Prince was busy making more 
and more as needed. But if they wanted to help the King, so they 
could get their father back, they would have to use the katamari 
to roll up...
"A fabulous, magnificent and Royal self that is Us through 
and through," the King said. "A body as fit and strong and as 
incalculably large as We used to be. And, of course, seeing how 
We have had the fortune of appropriating _your_ father's 
body..." He set his hands firmly on Akane's shoulders.
Akane blinked, then her eyes widened as the meaning behind 
the gesture hit her. "What-- me?!" She gulped. "Y-you want _me_ 
to do it?"
"It is only natural. We have always had Our Son roll up 
new stars and planets for Us and our loving fans," the King said 
easily, then allowed himself a brief smile. "It follows that Our 
temporary, honorary and illustrious Daughter will follow in his 
lead."
Besides, the Queen reminded her, she did ask what they 
could do. In a way, she volunteered for the task.
Akane tried to speak, but all grasp of language had left 
her. She could only make brief and strangled sounds of surprise. 
A body, for the King? A body that, judging by the size of the 
Queen, would probably end up larger than Tokyo? How on Earth 
could she do that? How could she roll up enough stuff onto a tiny
little sticky ball to fulfill their request and save her father? 
"I'll do it," Ranma stepped up, noticing her distress. "I 
mean, how hard can it be, right? Just roll a ball, pick up junk, 
bring it back. You do that magic thing and turn it into whatever 
you want?"
The King's smile vanished instantly. He transfixed Ranma 
with a severe glare, sizing him up. To his credit, Ranma stood 
his ground and returned the glare, challenging the King in equal 
intensity. But, surprisingly, His Majesty arched an eyebrow and 
snorted in disapproval, but without a hint of malice in his 
demeanor.
"You cannot roll a katamari with a spirit like that. We 
are so very disappointed, We almost thought you had it." Ranma 
tensed at the words, incensed by the attitude. "This task is for 
Our new short-term Daughter alone. She has a long way to go 
before catching up to the Prince, but We are confident in the 
purpose and goal behind her katamari."
Without another word, he began to lead Akane away, towards 
the dojo. She looked back at him, concern etched in her eyes, 
but she found the King's pull irresistible. All she could do was 
offer a strained grin of apology, but that only infuriated Ranma 
even further.
"H-hey, Akane! Wait a damn minute!" he yelled. "You can't 
just... Hey, I'm talking to you! You..." He reared up, and let out 
a shout that would shake windows all over the house, "YOU STUPID 
SO-CALLED HIGHNESS!"

--His & Her 
--Katamari Pandashii
--End Intro and Part 01
Jorge A. Pratt
jorgepratt@prodigy.net.mx
terbril@rocketmail.com


             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'