Hmm. Not familiar with this seris, though there was a comic series a 
while back with that name. Image title that didn't last long.

David Johnston wrote:

I went out looking for fanfic based on the Black and White computer 
game.  What I found was, needless to say, disappointing.  A collection 
of journals of other people's games for the most part.  I think there's 
more potential for exploration than that.
 

Especially since there's a Pong fanfic category out there. With more 
than one entry.

Let's see your take on things.

Sharks


"Would have been better if they'd just let the sharks eat you," the old
man grumbles as he glares at me.
 

Present tense. Usually don't care for that.

I'm stunned.  The whole town has been showering me with attention.
The god had descended from the sky to save _me_ after all.
Prophet calls me "the instrument of destiny". 

Perhaps it should be capatlized then?

Everyone wanted to hear what it felt like to be lifted safely out of the
water by the god's invisible hand, to touch me like the
god's...goddiness rubbed off on me.

Instead of 'divinity'. Nice touch.

 The matris all offer me food.
Matri Kelan actually asked me to bless her baby!  It's funny, I went
swimming because I was mad everyone was ignoring me.  Now nobody'll
leave me alone.  It was fun at first, but now it's starting to suck.
 

It's like wanting to ride a roller coaster, and being forced to ride it 
for an hour.

But that's not the worst of it.  Trading with other islands, I've seen
foreign matris and paters lay their own children on altars so the god
can suck the life out of them.  It'll happen by the time you're a man.
Mark my words."
 

I see. Not an isolated 'god' then. He's probably right.

I go to find my pater and matri.  I want to ask them about what he said, 
but when I get there, the god's eye is there shining with the yellow 
light that they can't see but I can't.  He's watching us.  Listening. 
Now that makes me a lot more nervous.
 

Nah. It's just the Watcher. That's what he does. watches and records.

Interesting opening. Look forward to seeing more.

DB Sommer

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