James M. Zema wrote:
As Throngar walked (and lamented) though the muck, he passed a bloated
corpse floating on top of the knee-deep water. He stared at it
impassively, walking past and saying, "Remind me why I'm slogging my way
through this cesspit."
The (and lamented) doesn't quite seem to fit to me with the remainder of
the sentence-- I'm not sure how one would go about lamenting through the
muck. Lament in general seems a bit passive for what Throngar was doing
as well, so it might be best to just drop it entirely.
Actually the act of lamenting is quite the opposite. Lamenting is a bit
too active for the rest of the paragraph. A lament is actually a type
of song. And when someone "laments" a death, it usually involves a lot
of wailing and weeping. Lamenting and staring impassively just don't mix.
If you're talking about the word tough, "walk" is an active verb, while
"lament" is passive... It would be sort of like saying "he contemplated
through the corpse strewn swamp"
You would really want something more like "He lamented the loss of life
as he walked through the muck." In which case he's sad about the "idea"
of the deaths, not the deaths themselves...
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