Subject: [FFML] Re: [FRealms/Original] Sewage
From: John Campbell
Date: 6/30/2006, 2:43 AM
To: "James M. Zema" <zema@zema.info>
CC: DB Sommer <sommert@connecttime.net>, ffml@anifics.com

James M. Zema wrote:

As Throngar walked (and lamented) though the muck, he passed a bloated 
corpse floating on top of the knee-deep water. He stared at it 
impassively, walking past and saying, "Remind me why I'm slogging my way 
through this cesspit."
  
The (and lamented) doesn't quite seem to fit to me with the remainder of 
the sentence-- I'm not sure how one would go about lamenting through the 
muck.  Lament in general seems a bit passive for what Throngar was doing 
as well, so it might be best to just drop it entirely.

Actually the act of lamenting is quite the opposite.  Lamenting is a bit 
too active for the rest of the paragraph.  A lament is actually a type 
of song.  And when someone "laments" a death, it usually involves a lot 
of wailing and weeping.  Lamenting and staring impassively just don't mix.

If you're talking about the word tough, "walk" is an active verb, while 
"lament" is passive...  It would be sort of like saying "he contemplated 
through the corpse strewn swamp"

You would really want something more like "He lamented the loss of life 
as he walked through the muck."  In which case he's sad about the "idea" 
of the deaths, not the deaths themselves...

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