On Fri, Jun 30, 2006 at 3:25pm Aaron Nowack <anowack@tulane.edu> wrote:

And here we go... 
Eimii wrote:

Disclaimer: All characters portrayed in this chapter (and, indeed, all
foreseeable chapters to come) are the creations and property of
Kishimoto Masashi. I claim no legal right to use them, and I am making
no money off of this piece of fanfiction... wait, no. I lie; go back to
that first part. There _is_ one character in here that Kishimoto didn't
make up... but he's not all that important, so don't go running away
just yet ^_^;...

It would be pretty hypocritical for me, of all people, to run away because
of that.  :) 

Heh... i usually _hate_ original characters in fanfiction, since they often have the tendency of stealing the limelight from the existing characters (thus excising part of the reason that a lot of people read fanfiction: because they like the characters). 

This chapter was originally chapters 4, 5 and 6 of Suiren (titled
'Shadows' part I, II and III respectively), but since it was all
supposed to be one big chapter to start with, i'm going to make it all
one big chapter now. Make sense? This is the first of several _huge_
chapters that were broken up in the original posting due to  chapter
size and the speed at which i write.

Huge chapters, huh?  We shall see.  :) 

Well, it seemed huge at the time :P. I still don't think any single chapter of 100 days comes anywhere close to the longest chapter i ever wrote of SHotR, but i've tried to steel clear of epics since i started writing Naruto stuff...

She would just have to confront the demon, then... but how? She wasn't a
genius ninja; she was barely even mediocre. She didn't have any special
techniques, and she had to assume that Anko controlled the environment
completely, so elaborate traps would be useless. It always came back to
control- Anko had her hooks in Sakura's mind, and Sakura wasn't good
enough to dig them out. *Maybe a counterattack of some sort- but she's
a _jounin_! I wouldn't even know where to start!*

Reminds me of her reaction to Zabuza back at the beginning of the series. 
Not sure whether it would fit in properly, but it might be worth
considering having her think that Naruto or Sasuke would be able to come
up with something, just like then. 
Just a thought. 

Maybe; maybe not. I've been trying not to clutter scenes with tension or action with _too_ much internal monologu, and since it's Sakura's POV, i have to try to limit what is displayed to what Sakura would actually 'think,' unless i'm doing some necessary exposition.

Cocking her head to the side, the examiner considered for a good minute
before turning back again with a hard, critical eye. "I had an
imaginary friend, before I met Ino. What was her name?" 
"...I don't remember," Sakura admitted unhappily, her expression
falling. "I haven't even thought of her in years." She wasn't about to
start doubting herself, but that little detail bugged Sakura even more
than she was letting on. Her memory was eidetic; she never forgot
anything that she couldn't bring back with a little effort. That was
something even Shikamaru, with his incredible intellect, couldn't hold
over her. "I'm not sure... I don't think she ever had one," she decided
aloud, looking up.

Hmm.  I forgot this bit from my last read-through.  Interesting... 

I try to leave mysterious foreshadowing details as often as i can, when i an do it unobtrusively ^_^;...

"...Can't we, though?" Sakura waited for Anko's questioning look before
explaining. "Remember the first time Naruto used the Kagebunshin during
Kakashi-sensei's test? Sensei pulled a kawarimi and all of the Naruto
clones ended up attacking each other. Some advanced bunshin techniques
seem to create pretty convincing duplicates."

That scene causes me no end of troubles when it comes to making up a
workable explanation for how precisely bunshin work, particulalry since I
want to avoid having them be truly separate, sentient beings.  Ah well. 

For the Kagebunshin, i generally reason it out like this: The Kagebunshin divides the user's total chakra pool and 'mirrors' the user's _complete_ body chakra system. Because genjutsu uses chakra to affect thoughts and perceptions, it seems to make sense that a complete copy of the body's chakra patterns would be able to mirror at least _some_ of the user's mind and skills.  

That said, kagebunshin doesn't last very long. It consumes itself as it uses chakra to execute technques, and can be disipated by disrupting the physical shell that is created around the chakra pattern. If the has a plan in mind when the kagebunshin are created, then i would say that all the kagebunshin would at least have enough 'consciousness' to execute that plan. All bunshin seem to share this level of programming.

The scene with Naruto raises the question of whether or not bunshin can operate independently, or if they are remote controlled (or even if it depends on the specific technique used). The recent manga story arc seems to indicate that at least _some_ bunshin can function as an extension of the creator's own consciousness, though in the case of the manga moku-bunshin might be 'special.'

Naruto's kagebunshin make a counter-case for the idea that Kagebunshin specifically might _not_ be an extension of the user's consciousness, and instead might be at least semi-autonomous.

In the case of Suiren, i will state simply that simple or elemental bunshin (Mizubinsin, etc.) can either be 'programmed' at creation to execute some simple actions or actively manipulated by the creator. Kagebunshin, i will say, can probably be used similarly, except that they possess a much larger amount of 'personality' and 'memory' than a simple bunshin or an elemental bunshin, allowing them a degree of autonomous action. The way Naruto learned the Kagebunshin limits him to the 'fire and forget' type of Kagebunshin, while Kakashi can probably control his actively. 

Sakura's technique, on the other hand... well, we shall just have to wait and see...

Anko-Sakura wasn't to be quelled that easily, however. "Are ya sayin'
that I act like that )(&$in' snake bitch!" 
"Well, you do seem a bit... excitable." 
"I'm havin' a (%!&in' mental breakdown here!" the brunette snapped
defensively. "_Excuse me_ if I'm a little on edge!"

I have to imagine that the Yamanaka are very carefully prepared for their
first use of Shintenshin.  It's _got_ to be weird the first time you wind
up in somebody else's body. 

Indeed, though in the case of the Yamanaka, they can't 'reside' in two bodies at once, as far as we've seen.

It was only when they came back to the center room, where Sakura had
encountered Anko, that the possessed Jounin noticed that there was some
scuffing around the one of the corners of the ceiling.

I don't think Jounin should be capitalized here, since you haven't been
capitalizing it before.  Either way, you should be consistent. 

I've been trying to lower-case all of them; i guess i missed some >_<;...

*Wait, no- she ain't 'Kurenai-sensei!' $&%(, what would Anko call her?!*
Blazing through her vast store of local and tactical knowledge, Sakura
instantly determined that there were so few female Jounin in Konoha
that they probably all knew each other at least in passing. She also
realized that it was getting close to noon, Kurenai was most likely
looking for her, and Anko wasn't one to stand by formalities. Taking
all these things into account, she reached deep into whatever store of
acting talent she had hidden in her and blurted out the first thing
that came to mind.

Inner Sakura certainly is a quick thinker. 

Indeed she is; Sakura is in general a quick thinker, i would say, when she's not faced with challenges that she's largely inadequate to (such as most physical challenges)...

"Yuuhiii! Feed me!" the wild-haired brunette cried, a manic grin
breaking across her beaming face. 
Kurenai's lips dipped down into a frown for a moment, before one corner
of her mouth turned up in a smirk. "Ah-ah; not this time, Anko. You
still owe me, and I intend to collect." 
*Gotcha!* Sakura put on her best 'perfect little angel' expression,
complete with huge, shiny doe-eyes, and turned it full force on the
instructor. It actually _did_ make her look innocent when she was in
her own body, but served to do exactly the opposite on Anko's naturally
mischievous face. "I have no idea what you're talking about,
Yuuhi-chan."

Yuuhi, of course, is Kurenai's family name, and it seems odd that Anko is
using it like that.  (I recall you mentioned originally thinking it was
the other way around.)  You had the names in the right order just before
this, but you should probably rework how 'Anko' addresses her. 

Well, Anko _could_ be using in a familiar fashion; for instance, it rolls off the tongue easier than 'Kurenai.' Or, there might be another reason ^_^;...

He brought a clipboard over to her a moment later, and the pink-haired
kunoichi found herself scanning through a pile of non-disclosure and
release of liability agreements that she was apparently supposed to
sign, in triplicate. *I suppose mistakenly torturing your own village's
citizens isn't something they take lightly in ANBU. Hmm... I wonder if
I could sue...*

Haruno Sakura, lawyer-nin! 

I wonder if this will become a theme -_-;

"But Yuuhiii, I'll starve!" Anko protested, hurrying after the other
woman as she disappeared back inside. 
"Hmph, a bit less dango and sweets every day would be good for you..." 
"That's not fair!"

Anko really ought to probably be much more concerned about the whole
"missing time" thing. 

That issue specifically is addressed in a couple chapters ^_^...

"A- aaaah... thanks for your help." She managed a jerky nod at his
retreating back, but Ino was already falling back into her own
thoughts. *Dammit, I knew we should have gotten closer- at least then
we could have heard what they said! What the heck is going on here!* 
Frowning, Ino bit her lower lip and began walking, not really caring
where her legs took her. "What's going on with you, Sakura...?"

*evil grin* Poor Sakura... 
And that's a wrap, until next time, anyway.  Hopefully I said something
useful. 

There were lots of useful points raised, plus i always like to talk about how things work in the Naruto universe. You should read some of my tirades on the strengths and weakness of genjutsu in the author's notes of the chapters on FF.net ^_^;. 

I _have_ noticed that a lot of little details that stuff that people point out to me are actually _not_ mistakes, but rather meant to seem out of place, so that they can be explained later. Just one of the perils of foreshadowing, i guess...

~Eimii

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