On 6/30/06, Aaron Nowack <anowack@tulane.edu> wrote:
Brian Randall wrote:
> As the only C&C I've recieved on this chapter yet, it's quite
welcome. :)
I think it is therefore safe to assume the neither the C&C I sent you
nor my e-mail asking whether you'd received the C&C made it through.
I'm copying it below, and hopefully this one _will_ reach you. :)
Waha! Didn't see this before! But, it also didn't make it to the
FFML archive (as far as I can tell), so....
Bleah. E-mail issues all over. -_-
Still don't know what's up with that Haruhi fic, or if I should repost it.
*begin old message*
A tad later than I hoped to get around to it, but here goes nothing.
Always welcome anyway. :3
Standard C&C Disclaimer: All the below is my only occasionally useful
humble opinion, my only occasionally correct grammatical and spelling
corrections, and/or my only occasionally funny humor.
Avast!
It was all about ki, and the confidence to use it right. He had the
confidence, and the strength; all that remained was to prove it.
I believe that the commas after ki and confidence are unnecessary.
Hmm.... Okay.
Disclaimer: Paints in this story are from Rumiko Takahashi, Viz
(Ranma 1/2), TV Tokyo and Ken Akamatsu (Love Hina), and Tatsuya Egawa
(Goldenboy). The easel is mine. That's all.
Nothing to see here, folks. Move along. Move along.
Who are you and what have you done with the real Aaron Nowack!?
Note: I screwed up and thought that Ranma was introduced to his
mother before the Shishi Houkodan arc. Erm. Assume that it's an alt,
and my thoughts are correct for this story (because they are). -_-
Fair enough!
^_^;;
"Wait," he said, unnatural force in his tone silencing both Akane and
her elder sister. "This is critical." He turned to Akane, and she
felt suddenly intimidated by the glow in his eyes. "You saw your pet
pig. Ranma pulled it from the wreckage of the dojo?"
"Y...yes," Akane said falteringly. "But how is this-"
"If we are lucky," Soun growled, "then Ranma did kill the pig."
I find it hard to believe that none of this ever came up in conversation
in the years that have passed since the incident. Particularly since
you've established that Akane at least has been wondering what really
happened for some time. She never mentioned wishing she'd known what
had happened in Kasumi's presence before? She never worried about
P-chan in either fathers' presence since the accident? Kasumi never
talked about what she'd seen, even to Tofu?
We can assume that Kasumi did discuss it with Tofu. In fact, in the
prologue, it's suggested that Tofu and Kasumi talk about Ranma rather
a lot. But it's something of a taboo around Genma/Soun. And Tofu
isn't on excellent terms with Soun, so wouldn't really have any reason
to bring it up.
It really seems to me that all this should have come out within weeks of
the incident, unless all the Tendos decided to not ever talk at all
about what had occured.
Well, Soun did. And Akane obviously regrets that things have gone the
way they have; I intended to paint a picture more of Akane devoting
herself to the dojo, and Soun trying to find a replacement for Ranma.
Genma, meanwhile, is left somewhat abandoned, unable to return to his
wife, and realizing that while he's still friends with Soun, and a
part of the school, his son's persona-non-gratia to Soun.
Happosai remains curiously silent on this point. Given that Happosai
knows Kintaro (and trained him when he was younger), there could be a
reason for that, though.
The bigger question is what Nodoka's been doing in all this time,
though that's intentionally not addressed.
Beyond that, I don't have any real comments. Didn't notice any other
errors, and everything else was fine plot-wise. Looking forward to the
rest of the story!
Well, since it didn't work for you, but this is still the way I want
it to go ... any suggestions?
--
Aaron Nowack
"Never let reality get in the way of a good hypothesis."
http://www.mimiru.net/