Eric Holdt wrote:
Just taking a quick breather from our Rune Soldier fic to write this little
sudden burst of inspiration. This is the second of our Naruto
Crack-Pairings one-shot fics (for those who missed the first and would like
to read it, let me know and I'll resend it).
Ah, I remember that one. The Shino/Temari, right?
A lot of people seem to be
against non-cannon pairings, but personally, I like to think that it's much
more of a challenge to write an acceptable fic with non-cannon couples than
it is to write an acceptable fic with people who are 'supposed' to be
together. That's just me, of course.
Canon, not cannon.
If only more of the people writing non-canon pairings _realized_ that it
was tougher and actually did the work to make it plausible.
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Standard Disclaimer: All characters and settings in this fic are the
property of Masashi Kishimoto and whoever else he's ever sold the rights
too. No permission, no profit, all in fun. Please enjoy!
-----
Standard C&C Disclaimer: All the below is my only occasionally useful
humble opinion, my only occasionally correct grammatical and spelling
corrections, and/or my only occasionally funny humor.
Special Disclaimer: There seems to have been rather a lot of discussion
about this fic. I didn't follow that, so forgive any duplication of
issues that have been dealt with to death.
She nodded as they began rearranging their chess pieces. Even if it was
something that she wasn't very good at, Hinata was happy for the distraction
the game brought to her. It had been several months now since Naruto had
gone off on his special training trip, and Hinata had steadily grown more
depressed at his absence; not to mention the fact that she hadn't even been
able to tell him goodbye.
Should be a comma after absence, not a semi-colon.
But then a week ago, after Shino and that Temari girl had gotten together,
they'd been spending quite a bit of time with each other.
*gasp* Continuity!
And while Hinata
didn't have anything against the kunoichi of the Sand, the constant
arguments between the two and the...activities that often followed were a
little too uncomfortable for the overly shy girl to handle.
"the kunoichi of the Sand" (to me at least) makes it sound like Temari
is is the only kunoichi in that village. Suggest "from the Sand" instead.
She also listened patiently as he
explained the rules of the game, and quite frankly, he happened to find her
shy, reclusive behavior to be rather relaxing; not to mention kind of
attractive, if he were to be so bold as to think so.
Semi-colon should be a comma again. Also, this sentence is very long
and over-complicated; suggest splitting it up some.
Shikamaru frowned and slid another piece forward. "Everyone has their own
special talent, Hinata-chan. Just because you haven't found yours yet
doesn't mean it's not there."
Just a note: in Naruto, for whatever reason, the genin don't really seem
to use "-chan" with their female classmates (with the exception of
Naruto to Sakura), instead just using the name with no suffix.
I know that at least according to the explanations of suffixes I've read
this should be overly familiar, but that's the way it is (unless I'm
recalling incorrectly, of course).
"Well, sort of. It's not as though they used it to plan battles, per say.
per se, I think.
Hinata sighed and slowly pushed her remaining rook up. "I...I'm not good at
anything when it comes to fighting. I'm from the most prominent family in
all of Konoha, yet my little sister has always managed to excel everything
that I fail at. I train as hard as I can, but it seems like no matter how
much I think I improve, I just end up getting in the way of the other's when
we're on a mission.
"others", not "other's"
Even in my own family, everyone knows that it should be
Neji-neesan who carries on the bloodline of the Main Branch, not me."
-neesan is for sisters, you want "-niisan"
Well, it was my first attempt at writing anything truely WAFFy, so I pray
that it goes over well.
Worked for me. The metaphor was pretty easy to see coming, but that's
not really a flaw I don't think.
So, what's the next one going to be? :)