And here we go...
Eimii wrote:
Disclaimer: All characters portrayed in this chapter (and, indeed, all
foreseeable chapters to come) are the creations and property of
Kishimoto Masashi. I claim no legal right to use them, and I am making
no money off of this piece of fanfiction... wait, no. I lie; go back to
that first part. There _is_ one character in here that Kishimoto didn't
make up... but he's not all that important, so don't go running away
just yet ^_^;...
It would be pretty hypocritical for me, of all people, to run away
because of that. :)
Standard C&C Disclaimer: All the below is my only occasionally useful
humble opinion, my only occasionally correct grammatical and spelling
corrections, and/or my only occasionally funny humor.
Non-Yaoi Warning: There's one scene in this chapter where two men appear
onscreen at the same time; there's still no Yaoi, but watch for it if
you're the type that likes to insinuate such things. Those that like to
insinuate scandalous Yuri shenanigans might have an easier time with
this chapter, but keep in mind that this fic isn't about romance thus
far, and you'd have to make some pretty big assertions to call what
happens Yuri, so don't get your hopes up -_-;...
Hee.
This chapter was originally chapters 4, 5 and 6 of Suiren (titled
'Shadows' part I, II and III respectively), but since it was all
supposed to be one big chapter to start with, i'm going to make it all
one big chapter now. Make sense? This is the first of several _huge_
chapters that were broken up in the original posting due to chapter
size and the speed at which i write.
Huge chapters, huh? We shall see. :)
Unfortunately, Anko wasn't giving her a lot of options. Sitting still
was probably about as effective as moving, but she wasn't the _only_
thing loose down here, it seemed. *Ugh- it's a good thing they had
eyes,* the pink haired girl mused with a shudder, rubbing the very
real-looking sucker marks on her arm.
...ew.
She would just have to confront the demon, then... but how? She wasn't a
genius ninja; she was barely even mediocre. She didn't have any special
techniques, and she had to assume that Anko controlled the environment
completely, so elaborate traps would be useless. It always came back to
control- Anko had her hooks in Sakura's mind, and Sakura wasn't good
enough to dig them out. *Maybe a counterattack of some sort- but she's a
_jounin_! I wouldn't even know where to start!*
Reminds me of her reaction to Zabuza back at the beginning of the
series. Not sure whether it would fit in properly, but it might be
worth considering having her think that Naruto or Sasuke would be able
to come up with something, just like then.
Just a thought.
*I just kissed a woman who was eating a rat.*
Hee.
Cocking her head to the side, the examiner considered for a good minute
before turning back again with a hard, critical eye. "I had an imaginary
friend, before I met Ino. What was her name?"
"...I don't remember," Sakura admitted unhappily, her expression
falling. "I haven't even thought of her in years." She wasn't about to
start doubting herself, but that little detail bugged Sakura even more
than she was letting on. Her memory was eidetic; she never forgot
anything that she couldn't bring back with a little effort. That was
something even Shikamaru, with his incredible intellect, couldn't hold
over her. "I'm not sure... I don't think she ever had one," she decided
aloud, looking up.
Hmm. I forgot this bit from my last read-through. Interesting...
"...Can't we, though?" Sakura waited for Anko's questioning look before
explaining. "Remember the first time Naruto used the Kagebunshin during
Kakashi-sensei's test? Sensei pulled a kawarimi and all of the Naruto
clones ended up attacking each other. Some advanced bunshin techniques
seem to create pretty convincing duplicates."
That scene causes me no end of troubles when it comes to making up a
workable explanation for how precisely bunshin work, particulalry since
I want to avoid having them be truly separate, sentient beings. Ah well.
Anko-Sakura wasn't to be quelled that easily, however. "Are ya sayin'
that I act like that )(&$in' snake bitch!"
"Well, you do seem a bit... excitable."
"I'm havin' a (%!&in' mental breakdown here!" the brunette snapped
defensively. "_Excuse me_ if I'm a little on edge!"
I have to imagine that the Yamanaka are very carefully prepared for
their first use of Shintenshin. It's _got_ to be weird the first time
you wind up in somebody else's body.
It was only when they came back to the center room, where Sakura had
encountered Anko, that the possessed Jounin noticed that there was some
scuffing around the one of the corners of the ceiling.
I don't think Jounin should be capitalized here, since you haven't been
capitalizing it before. Either way, you should be consistent.
Closer inspection
revealed it to be a hidden trap door, with a tiny slot that was probably
a keyhole.
The comma after door is unnecessary.
"She didn't leave me _anything_ when I woke up, much less a key," Sakura
dismissed hotly, as she locked serious gazes with her companion.
"Dammit, where the hell could she have put it?"
"Hmm..."
"..."
"..."
*snicker*
"I don't need a play by play!" Sakura shouted back, just in case her
counterpart had anything else to say along those lines. "Did you find
the key?" she pressed.
Possibly should be "play-by-play."
*Wait, no- she ain't 'Kurenai-sensei!' $&%(, what would Anko call her?!*
Blazing through her vast store of local and tactical knowledge, Sakura
instantly determined that there were so few female Jounin in Konoha that
they probably all knew each other at least in passing. She also realized
that it was getting close to noon, Kurenai was most likely looking for
her, and Anko wasn't one to stand by formalities. Taking all these
things into account, she reached deep into whatever store of acting
talent she had hidden in her and blurted out the first thing that came
to mind.
Inner Sakura certainly is a quick thinker.
"Yuuhiii! Feed me!" the wild-haired brunette cried, a manic grin
breaking across her beaming face.
Kurenai's lips dipped down into a frown for a moment, before one corner
of her mouth turned up in a smirk. "Ah-ah; not this time, Anko. You
still owe me, and I intend to collect."
*Gotcha!* Sakura put on her best 'perfect little angel' expression,
complete with huge, shiny doe-eyes, and turned it full force on the
instructor. It actually _did_ make her look innocent when she was in her
own body, but served to do exactly the opposite on Anko's naturally
mischievous face. "I have no idea what you're talking about,
Yuuhi-chan."
Yuuhi, of course, is Kurenai's family name, and it seems odd that Anko
is using it like that. (I recall you mentioned originally thinking it
was the other way around.) You had the names in the right order just
before this, but you should probably rework how 'Anko' addresses her.
He brought a clipboard over to her a moment later, and the pink-haired
kunoichi found herself scanning through a pile of non-disclosure and
release of liability agreements that she was apparently supposed to
sign, in triplicate. *I suppose mistakenly torturing your own village's
citizens isn't something they take lightly in ANBU. Hmm... I wonder if I
could sue...*
Haruno Sakura, lawyer-nin!
The Nara Clan heir simply shrugged, quickly getting over the absurdity
of Haruno Sakura coming out of an ANBU haunt wearing a hunter nin mask.
Or, more accurately, it was just to troublesome to worry about.
Ino bristled. "What- you let her leave?! Why didn't you tell her to
wait?" His customary 'it was too much trouble' shrug predictably caused
the blonde to shift into High Annoyance Mode. "That crazy forehead girl
_will_ apologize to my face for ruining my morning!" she ranted, looking
a bit more irritated and less worried than she had earlier. "Which way
did she go?"
"..."
And the ominous music begins to play...
"And here I thought you were trying to skip out on the bill..."
"Huh?" Blinking, the short-haired brunette straightened and turned
around to see Yuuhi Kurenai standing in the restaurant's back door. Her
friend of several years was only partially successful in hiding the
shocked look on her face, covering it half-heartedly with a mysterious
smile.
"...Bill?" Anko wondered aloud, still trying to figure out what had just
happened.
"Here, Miss," came another voice, as a young, red-faced waiter shoved a
small plastic tray into her hands before quickly ducking back inside.
Eyes automatically drifting down to the object in her hands, Anko stared
at it uncomprehendingly for a few seconds, then realization dawned.
"AAAAAH? YUUUHIII! I can't afford this!" she screeched, holding the
tablet at arm's length, like the numbers might get smaller if they were
farther away.
"...fine, If that's the way you're going to be, then I won't ask,"
Kurenai muttered with a disappointed sniff. Instantly, the iron of
command stiffened her back and hardened her voice. "But you _will_ pay
for lunch!"
"But Yuuhiii, I'll starve!" Anko protested, hurrying after the other
woman as she disappeared back inside.
"Hmph, a bit less dango and sweets every day would be good for you..."
"That's not fair!"
Anko really ought to probably be much more concerned about the whole
"missing time" thing.
"A- aaaah... thanks for your help." She managed a jerky nod at his
retreating back, but Ino was already falling back into her own thoughts.
*Dammit, I knew we should have gotten closer- at least then we could
have heard what they said! What the heck is going on here!*
Frowning, Ino bit her lower lip and began walking, not really caring
where her legs took her. "What's going on with you, Sakura...?"
*evil grin* Poor Sakura...
And that's a wrap, until next time, anyway. Hopefully I said something
useful.