The three teenage girls before her all nodded
together.  "We're certain
of it, Miss Isabel." Anna answered.  "We were passing
through the town and
we saw Miss Melissa with her adventure friends and
heard them talking
about it."

try adventurer

Ah, thanks for catching it.

"But Miss Melissa didn't look like she wanted to go,
so we think that
maybe that stupid hero of hers forced her to do it,"
Gannet finished.

Louie force Melissa?  Impossible!!  More like the

other way around! Heh

And it was actually Ila who talked her into going, anyway. ;)

"You'll help her, won't you, Miss Isabel?" they all
asked together.

How about replacing 'all asked' with 'chimed in'?

We can dig it.  Nice suggestion.

'So Melissa, you think you're going to get all of the
glory by going
there without me, huh?' she thought to herself.  'I
can't believe you would
be so selfish as to put yourself into mortal danger
like this just to try to
one-up me and my champion, who's a hundred times
braver, smarter, and
more heroic than yours, I might add!  You've got some
nerve!  You-'

Isn't it supposed to be an evil female who rants? :D

Oh, not necessarily.  Naga the Serpent does a bit of ranting when Lina's 
involved in some way, right?

Smarter, sure?  Braver, probably not.  Heroic... who

was the one who saved Lenard's life? :D

Probably right, but try convincing her of that. ;p

Lenard grinned modestly.  "Well, it's what any real
champion would do,
isn't it?  Of course, I'd hate for you to be put in a
situation-"

(Darksoar rolls his eyes)

Heh, naivety mixed with a pure heart.  What can ya do? *shrug*

'Now, Melissa, I'll show you who has the better
champion.  Just you
wait!  ...Oh, and you'd better stay alive, too.  You
need to be here so I can
rub your face in my success.'

Ya know, one of these days, Isabel is going to go

overboard trying to show up Melissa and probably get
her 'valiant champion' killed.

The same could probably be said for Melissa, though I'd have more faith in 
Louie's survival skills over Lenard's.

"WHAAAAT?"

The trembling young man didn't have a chance to run
before he was
lifted off the ground by a blonde-haired man in full
knight's armor, who proceeded
to shake him violently.

Hide!! It's that gaijin version of Kunou in armor!!

The first time I ever saw and heard this guy, the first thing that came to 
mind was 'Tatewaki related'. ^_^

"We are so dead," Merrill whimpered.

Genie held a little more composure than her smaller
partner.  The harpy

Try 'Genie reacted with more composure...'

Consider it fixed.

demons were headed for Louie and the other two and
didn't seem to have
acknowledged her or Merrill yet.  She had to get
Louie's attention
without attracting the demons, because if they came
after her and Merrill,

Throw a dagger at his feet!

Thought about it, and was even considering using it, but the other way 
seemed to work just as well.  Plus, it gives Merrill an extra dagger to use 
later. :p

Her plight was solved on its own when Melissa spotted
their shadows on
the ground and looked up.  Her terrified shriek caused
Louie to look up as
well, who immediately began to panic.

"Ila, kick it in the ass!" he called up to her.

Now that's definitely Louie.

We kinda thought so, but when we read it again, it makes us think that Louie 
wants her to attack the harpies or something. o_0

The staff grew brighter, and Ila froze in midair.
Louie let out a
grunt of exertion.  "Damn...heavy."

And then Ila's eyes flew open.  "DID YOU JUST CALL

ME FAT, YOU BIG, STUPID LUG?"

Well, there's still next time. ;)

A split second later, Melissa fired off a beam of
light at the harpies,
catching one of them dead-on.  The other three
screeched in anger and
pulled back as the fourth dropped to the ground.

What kind of spell was that?  A stun spell or

something?

Not really specific, I guess.  It was just one that I remember her using 
against the Guardian of the Lake.  I think it was just supposed to hurt him, 
but it didn't have much effect since the thing was so big.

The temporary distraction was enough for Genie and
Merrill, who let fly
close to two dozen daggers towards the remaining
three.  One of harpies
took the majority of the hits and joined its brethren
lifelessly on the
ground.  The other two were stunned, but not enough to
fall like the other.

Try replacing stunned with wounded.

Sounds good.  Will do.

Her eyes widened.  "You performed levitation?  That's
amazing!
Levitation is a pretty high level spell."

"Yeah, but I have to admit it was pretty hard.  You're
a lot heavier
than the rocks and sticks that I've been using it on."

Mouth in foot syndrome strikes!

Mouth...in foot?  o_O  I can't even envision how that works.

Now he had three women looking like they wanted to
knock him out the
window.

Run, Louie, run!

To where?  He's standing in a window many feet off the ground with monsters 
waiting below.

"Well, I'm open to any more suggestions you girls
might have."

Cast my boy, like you've never casted before!

Unfortunately, Louie isn't well known for successfully casting more than 
about three spells in one day.

Well, hope it was worth the wait.  As always and of
course, thanks much
to all of our reviewers, and sorry if we didn't
respond to you personally.
Next part will be out soon, and we hope you continue
to enjoy it. ^_^

Well worth the wait in my opinion!

Glad to hear it!  Thanks for the continued C&C!


Eric 'Dragonboy' Holdt

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