against non-cannon pairings, but personally, I like to think that it's 
much

Canon.  'Cannon' has an entirely different meaning, one that has more to do 
with large amounts of gunpowder and large metal balls.  Of course, that 
could be what you're going for here. :-P

Hyuuga Hinata stared at the chessboard before her, completely aghast.
"You...you beat me...in only six turns," she whispered in awe.

Somehow, these two lines don't seem to match.  Perhaps have Hinata's aghast 
look turn to a subtle smile or something like that?

But then a week ago, after Shino and that Temari girl had gotten together,

Wait, wait.  Are you implying that Shino actually has *emotions*? ;-)

'troublesome'.  Unlike so many of the other girls he knew, she wasn't 
loud,
boastful, obnoxious, violent, or any other quality that he had assumed 
were
common traits in all females.

Wait until he's dealt with her when she's having her, ah, monthly 
difficulties.  It's the quiet ones ya gotta watch.

(ObCarlin: Of course, while you're watching the quiet ones, the noisy ones 
will f***in' kill you!)

"Um...Shikamaru-kun?"

Hm.  I'm not sure even at her most comfortable that Hinata would refer to 
Shikamaru as 'kun'.  She's the type for formality, and she doesn't know him 
that well.

his focus back to the board, but for some reason couldn't bring himself to
ruin her mood by capturing the knight with his rook like he'd intended, 
and

You're doomed, Nara-kun. ;)

"Well, sort of.  It's not as though they used it to plan battles, per say.

It's 'per se'.  That's one of those words that's much easier to use in 
speech rather than writing.

She then noted that she was now in position to capture his rook on
the next turn so long as he didn't move it.

'Perhaps I should do some practice on my kunoichi training.  A sexy pout or 
something,' she thought to herself.  Not that anything would come of it, of 
course, but a girl's gotta use all the tools she's got!

(grinning, ducking, running away very fast)

Hinata paused in her move to think.  "Um...a bishop, maybe?"

Smart girl, our Hinata.

"You've heard mine, Hinata-chan, so tell me what piece you find yourself
most comparable with."

That's a dangerous question to ask, Shikamaru.

Hinata was silent for a moment before bowing her head and whispering, "A
pawn."

See?

all of Konoha, yet my little sister has always managed to excel everything

excel in everything

much I think I improve, I just end up getting in the way of the other's 
when

No apostrophe, I think.

Neji-neesan who carries on the bloodline of the Main Branch, not me."

Heh.  Neji's a girl, Neji's a girl, nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah! ;-P

Shikamaru could almost sense tears about to fall from the pearl-white eyes

At which point, the similarities between Shikamaru and *every other boy* 
would appear, since noone could bear to see Hinata-chan cry.


I liked it, though chess has never been my game.  I used to play it when I 
was *much* younger, but I don't think I have in decades.


Joel 

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