I don't know jack about Invader Zim, but this is a
pretty good fic you've written.  Great stuff,
descriptive writing, humor.  I commend you!

Thanks.  I'd been writing for a while before I began
this fic, so I guess it proves that experience -can-
make me a better writer.

Unfortunately as far as Invader Zim goes, I'm
something of an anomaly - the average 'life' of a fic
writer in the IZ fandom is a little over a year, so
most of the longer stories are never completed.  I've
been in the fandom for about four years now and while
I definitely recommend the show, especially to people
who are fond of offbeat (and often adult) humour, the
fan base often leaves a lot to be desired.

That said, I found many of your suggestions very
helpful and your comments pretty much all managed to
get a laugh out of me.  I'd forgotten somewhere down
the line how IZ stories might seem to someone who
didn't know the series. :D

The ravaged state of his hands was indication enough
of the lengths he was going through to keep from
being pulled into slumber. 

He afraid of the Boogeyman or Freddy? :D

Heh, knowing this character, probably both and a few
dozen more things, besides.

two were frequently known for. Heads started to turn

Suggest replacing 'frequently known' with 'famous'

Thanks - that made it a lot more concise.

Suggest replacing 'no good' with 'awful'

I went with 'terrible'. :)

was a soft splatter as someone�s lunch slid off
their tilting tray and hit the floor.

How did that happen?  Maybe you should write the
tray falling instead...

How's this: There was a clatter as someone's tray
slipped from their nerveless fingers and hit the
floor.

No, it must simply be some kind of ruse to catch him
off-guard.

They must've really had some bad history together.

Nah, they're only mortal enemies who've been trying to
destroy each other for years.  No problems there.

a blank expression on his face. Zim doubted he even
noticed the cyborg squirrel that was currently
chewing 

Cyborg squirrel?  An escapee from the genetics

lab?

Or from the alien ship maybe - random things like
those crop up all over the place in the show.

Tonight would mean the human�s utter defeat. �Ha!
Chew on that, filthy earth monkey!�

Goku:  You talking about me?

Ok, I admit, I didn't expect that comment.  It made me
laugh though.

And Gaz... I don�t even know where she is. 

His sister?

Yeah, that's her - there'll be more on her later.

instead of the black garments the boy had favored.,

Kill the period, leave the comma

@_@ How did I miss that?  Nice catch.

cares as little for me as she would for a bug to be
crushed underfoot. 

Poor guy.  Then again, if this Gaz is an insect

lover.. he's in luck!

She's not - unless you count the time when Dib grafted
the head of her favorite doll onto the body of a fly.

circuit of the room. The eyes of the robo-parents

Robotparents

It's actually their proper designation.  I checked the
credits :)

truly his ideas were genius - pure GENIUS!

Yes, yes, we all know that already.  Heh.

But for Zim it bears repeating.  ...As many times as
physically possible.


 

Man, Zim, trade that pathetic robot in for a

cell 

phone, or something.

Right now, he's probably wishing he had.

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