Elsa Bibat wrote:
A long in-hiatus fic slumbers back awake - actually this has been posted to
my LJ but wasn't released on the FFML.
Hmm. I thought I had seen this here before...
Lesson 0 can be found in the link below.
Or maybe it was this. *checks* Yeah, that was it.
Disclaimer: As always, Sailormoon is owned by Naoko Takeuchi. Use without
permission.
********************
Standard C&C Disclaimer: All the below is my only occasionally useful
humble opinion, my only occasionally correct grammatical and spelling
corrections, and/or my only occasionally funny humor.
Also, should be "Used without permission." in your disclaimer I believe.
:)
The Education of Usagi Tsukino
A tale set in the Dances Set to the Music of Time sequence
By Elsa Bibat
Lesson 1
Learning
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1996:
Usagi Tsukino, future Queen of the world, was pissed.
"SETSUNA!!! I know you're in there! Open up!"
That was Haruka Ten'ou impression as she shared a glance with her long-time
lover.
Ten'ou's
"Think it would be surprise her that Setsuna just left for New York a few
minutes ago?"
"would be a surprise to her" or just "would surprise her"
Also, "left for New York just a few minutes ago?" or simply "just left
for New York?" sounds more natural to me than what you have now.
Michiru just rolled her eyes and smirked in the most unladylike manner.
"I have dinner to cook. See you later." With that, the teal-haired woman
flounced away. Must still be mad about the anniversary thing, the blonde
grimaced.
"the blonde thought with a grimace", perhaps? I don't really like the
use of grimace as a verb in that sentence, but I'm not certain whether
it is really incorrect.
Usagi scowled as she watched Rei waving goodbye, while the dark-haired girl
herded the other Inners away. Yesterday, after leaving her weirdo sensei's
home she went to visit the Outer's apartment. They weren't of much help.
Just a letter from the Guardian of Time on how everything was fine and that
she should go with the flow.
Hmph
Missing period.
Today, she had somehow managed to convince everyone to take a look at her
new sensei, hoping that someone would back up her suspicions. Luna and
Artemis were no help; Setsuna's seal of approval was good as gold for them.
Eventually, she had managed to wear them down and get them to come with her.
Rei had met them on the way from Juuban High, also interested in what sort
of person 'could stomach teaching you anything', so she said.
The "so she said" seems unnecessary to me, unless you mean "or so she
said" to imply she has some other reason.
They had arrived at the estate's gates to be greeted by the two ravens
again. One look at the pair and Rei just smiled, shook her head and
pronounced everthing was fine.
everthing should be everything.
Also, change to "pronounced that everything was fine", maybe?
The young blonde trudged alongside her teacher, managing to keep pace with
the longer-legged woman's stride. Weyland-sensei must have stood a little
over six feet, taller than Haruka or Mamoru. They were taking quite a while
in their walk, which disturbed Usagi to no end. It wasn't possible that such
a large estate could be found in metropolitan Tokyo.
Bah, this is anime. Or sort of anime, anyway. There's plenty of large
estates in anime-Tokyo.
Why? Usagi wondered. Looking back at her life for the past few years where
she went from normal schoolgirl to savior of the planet, she decided on an
answer. "Because... it makes things so complicated. Sometimes... it's better
not to know. I just want everything to be simple...easy. I don't want to be
special. I just want to be me. I know it's selfish but can't someone else do
it?"
I think you need a comma after selfish.
"It was... strange." Usagi smiled, though it made half her face hurt. "It
was beautiful."
Weyland-sensei smiled and reached out with a hand to the younger girl's
burning cheek. The pain disappeared.
"And that, my dear, is the first lesson."
Very nice. If any more of these have been hidden in your Livejournal,
feel free to post them... :)
*************************************************
DANCES SET TO THE MUSIC OF TIME
An Epic History of Humanity
From The Age of Silver
To The Age of Crystal
And Beyond
Incidentally, the links below are no longer accurate. I believe they
should be:
http://rakhal.com/florestica/elsa-bibat/index.html
http://www.florestica.com/ebibat/dance/index.htm
Other fanfiction by the same author:
http://rakhal.com/florestica/elsa-bibat/index.html
http://www.florestica.com/ebibat/index.htm
Kindly archived by Larry F and
The Lost Library of Florestica:
http://rakhal.com/florestica/
http://www.florestica.com/