This could have been fun.

Could have.

Problem is, it was written without thought, without contemplation of 
the choices possible.  You practically pushed Ranma and Ryouga into the 
romp together, without contemplating past obligations, without looking 
at what makes these characters tick.

You claim that you're tired of people complaining about your work.  
Fine.  Put thought into your work; put effort into your work.  You want 
Ranma and Ryouga together as Michiru and Haruka?  Okay; what needs to 
happen to make that final result occur?  How do they need to be 
affected by events in order to get there?

Hate to say it, but going off and saying, "You know, Ranma could 
suggest it to Ryouga, and then..." just isn't going to cut the mustard. 
  It is plausible that Ranma would like the feel of sex as a woman, and 
would want to keep her curse.  However, that's something that would 
happen from experience.  The whole 'picking up lesbians' thing?  Ranma 
has sexual relationship problems with women already; sorry, that's 
going to need a much different explanation, one that will affect future 
situations in this story.  Ryouga, if given a choice between not being 
cursed and being cursed as a woman, wouldn't go for the Nyannichuan 
curse unless he had some dysphoria issues that aren't indicated in the 
manga or anime - issues that WOULD show up rather painfully in his 
thought processes.  So it may be best to have the Nannichuan closed for 
the day or something similar, so that the Nyannichuan is his only 
choice.

See, all of that needs to be considered when writing JUST THAT FIRST 
PART, if you're going to write something that makes sense.  That 
doesn't include the process for Ryouga from boy to girl to raging 
lesbian, or Ranma to a similar state.  Finally, it doesn't include 
Ranma and Ryouga running away to do the Sailor Moon thing.  ALL of 
these, in a decent work, need to be thought out and planned, and that 
didn't happen here.

Then... after THAT... you have to think about how you want to present 
it; you don't necessarily have to go a pure chronological route.  
Perhaps at morning coffee at Haruka and Michiru's home, as they talk 
about the past?  How about as the pair spar together - Ranma's fluid 
style accentuated by added grace and Ryouga's power undiminished by her 
own change?  Even if you do go for the chronological route, there's 
still the matter of what scenes you show - and how.  When Ryouga faces 
the springs, what is he thinking and why?  How would Ryouga feel once 
she got her new body?  How does Ryouga get introduced to lesbian sex; 
does Ranma introduce her to the joys of a female body?  Here, it's 
just, "Let's get Ranma-chan and Ryouga-chan as Haruka and Michiru as 
fast as possible, without thinking about how they get there."  As with 
character logic, there's no thought presented here - at all.

To be honest, giving either of these - thought about character logic, 
and thought about presentation - would make the story forgivable.  Back 
in the day, Jeff Rutsch skewered the Ranma characters into something 
mind-boggling - but he did it with panache, and he did it with serious 
thought in regards to style and technique.  Problem is, neither gets 
done with this story.  You don't think about logic or presentation; you 
just take an idea and barf it onto a computer, regardless of style or 
sense.  Either one would get my thanks, especially because "out-there" 
Ranma works aren't that common.  Because it clearly has neither, this 
story only earns my contempt.

-- Nick


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