Krista Fisk wrote:
An attempt at writing a fic in 500 words or less.
*sigh* Maybe next time....
Well, I'm not going to count them, I'll just take your word for it that
it's over 500.
Incarnation
a Gumdam Wing fanfic
by Krista Fisk
(1,074 words)
~*~
Duo dressed in red for the mission. Everything he wore was
dark, deep red, from his velvet vest and tailed coat, to his trim
slacks, to his silk shirt with the fall of lace at his throat and
cuffs, right down to the ribbon that tied off the end of his
braid.
Everything red... except the stark bone-white ivory mask
that covered the upper part of his face.
"Heero! Come, and together let us sing my music of the night!"
Wait, sorry, wrong classic. :)
When he first showed me his getup, I frowned. "That's a
disguise?"
He rolled his eyes at me. "*Costume,* Heero. The party is a
masquerade."
And just like that, we-the-readers get a decent mission briefing
wrapped up in one line of dialogue. *Man,* I love it when an author
pulls that kind of thing off.
Hardly comforting. "I can see your braid, your eyes....
Anyone familiar with your wanted posters -- which includes most
of the guest list -- will recognize you in a second."
I *think* that, in this usage, the hyphenation should be more like
"...posters --which...list-- will..." But I'm not certain that's a
hard-and-fast rule.
"Maybe," he said, "but anyone who might recognize me also
knows that I'm just a poor L2 street rat -- one who's only known
starvation and disease and war. I'm the last person they'd expect
to be able to infiltrate high society." He flashed his signature
lopsided grin, but his eyes were hard, and glinting like chips of
ice behind the bone mask. "Trust me, Heero. There are times to
skulk in shadows, and times when the best hiding place is right
in plain sight. This fancy OZ shindig definitely qualifies as the
latter."
Besides, even the people who *wouldn't* have that kind of preconception
about him are probably still vulnerable to the "carry a clipboard and
act like you belong" effect.
For myself, the only WingBoy I'd expect to be *better* at that than Duo
would be Quatre.
I snorted. "Where did you learn *that* little nugget of
espionage wisdom?"
<blink> Oddly colloquial, for Heero. But maybe you're working from a
slightly different characterization of Heero than my mental image.
"Edgar Allen Poe," he said with a wink, as he began to
practice palming his knives.
Oh ho! Duo's read the classics.
I watched his hands like a hawk, but he was so quick, the
knives seemed to just appear and disappear into thin air. Best
pickpocket in all of L2, he had once boasted. Watching sharp
steel seemingly vanish between his fingers, I believed him.
Won't that cause trouble if the party security force uses metal detection?
Of course, if Duo's using steel, he certainly (thinks he) has a way of
beating any potential magnetic sensors.
"Edgar who?" I asked.
He laughed. "I *knew* you hacked your American Lit grade.
Edgar Allen Poe wrote The Purloined Letter... among other things.
Look it up, genius."
That is *so* Duo.
So I did.
And that's the Heero we all know and love (or loathe, depending).
If nothing else, reading Poe gave me insight into Duo's
unique flair for the dramatic; not to mention his biting, dark
sense of humor.
Terror *is* part of their mission. A flair for the darkly dramatic
would definitely be an asset to the psych-warfare front of their war.
Especially now, as I holstered my .45 and stepped over the
fallen bodies of the seven soldiers unfortunate enough to get
stuck with security room detail, while the rest of the
aristocratic military-bent-on-world-domination indulged in music
Again, seems a bit colloquial for Heero.
and dance and drink in the Romerfeller Estate Ballroom, two
floors below. The 60 vid screens, one for each discreetly
positioned security camera recording the event, spread out in the
room before me, showing the party in all its colorful decadence.
I spotted the target first. True to our sources, he was
dressed (unsurprisingly) as a king; draped in richly embroidered
royal purple, wearing a jewel-encrusted gold crown. He was
surrounded by a motley crew, each sporting strange and outlandish
"Motley." Heh. You're going all classical on us, Lady Fisk.
costumes and masks, some bordering on the grotesque, all seeking
his attention. The target, however, was absorbed in conversing
with a masked woman who was decked out in flowing green and
silver, with sparkling gossamer fairy wings sprouting from her
back.
Classical enough that the use of "fairy" rather than "faery" actually
jolted me a bit. Then again, it *is* Heero doing the narration, so...
Then, scanning the rest of the masquerading aristocracy, I
saw Duo.
Clothed in the color of fresh spilled blood, he moved among
Not sure of the actual grammatical rule here, but personally I think
that might work better as either "fresh-spilled" or "freshly spilled."
them like he belonged, chatting with strangers as if they were
old friends, pretending to sip at his champaign, and rubbing
elbows with the best of them. If anyone spared him a second
glance, it was never with suspicion or animosity.
There was something to hiding in plain sight after all, it
seemed.
Heh. Going by the manga of Heero's backstory, he *has* done that kind
of thing before -- he just sucked at it. He just didn't act the part of
the 5-yo boy very well, despite *being* one at the time...
"I'm in position," I said.
Duo's mouth didn't move as his subvocalized response came
through my earpiece. "Just in time," he said, and I heard the
first strains of violins playing something that sounded like
Mozart.
So, Heero *didn't* hack his Classical Music grade?
As the music started, everyone watched as the king led his
fairy princess to the ballroom floor and began a Viennese Waltz.
Ah, but is it *Endless*? :)
Everyone else quickly followed suite, pairing up and joining in
I think that should be "suit" in this case.
the dance. Soon the room was a maddening whirl of color and
sound.
"Maddening" doesn't seem like a Heeroism in this context. "Chaotic,"
maybe, but I just have a hard time hearing Heero say "Maddening."
I watched Duo, as he watched the king. Then he turned to a
young woman dressed in a gown adorned with brightly colored
peacock feathers, and invited her out on to the dance floor. She
went willingly, her smile shining from beneath her glittering
mask. Poor thing. She probably had no clue she was dancing with
the God of Death tonight.
"Poor thing" seems... unusually empathetic for Heero. While he's never
struck me as the 'casual mass slaughter' type, I still see Heero (even
your more-emotive Heero here) maintaining a slightly greater emotional
distance from someone who is essentially an uninvolved bystander.
It occurred to me that I didn't know that Duo could dance;
Mmm... maybe "hadn't known"?
but he could, and quite well. With each quick step and turn, he
whirled his partner through the masked throng of dancers. Soon,
he was approaching the king. He spun faster and faster; his
partner laughed in exhilaration, her cheeks flushing beneath her
mask.
Poe again, IIRC. Well, if you're going to crib, crib from the best. :)
Duo moved ever closer to the king... and then in one
spinning rush, he passed the king and the fairy consort, and was
lost in the crowd once again.
Just that fast...
For several long moments, the king kept dancing. And then he
staggered. Came to a stop. Looked down at himself, and only then
noticed the wash of blood spreading darkly through his purple
robes. With a stupefied expression, he collapsed to the floor as
his dancing partner let out a piercing scream.
The knife so sharp, you never feel it go in. Had something similar
happen to me once -- it really *does* take several seconds to realize
you've been punctured.
Brrr.
I waited until the scream became contagious, spreading like
a plague through the crowd as the masqueraders caught sight of
the king lying in a growing pool of scarlet on the marble floor.
I used the spare moments to quickly delete the security
recordings. Then I reached into my jacket pocket and hit the
detonator.
Now, if *I* was designing that security system, the recordings would
have realtime offsite backups that can't be deleted from that location.
OTOH, this is a really cracking good yarn, I should really just relax
and enjoy it.
The building rocked with the explosion, and the ballroom
plunged into darkness, and utter chaos.
I'd drop the last comma.
I ran like hell, the sound of terrified screams echoing
after me.
"Ran like hell" just doesn't sound Heero-ish to my ear. But again, I
suspect your Heero isn't quite the same person as my Heero.
Relena: "I need a Heero... I'm holding out for Heero in the dead of
the niiiiiiiight.....":)
Duo was already at the rendezvous point when I got there.
His silent presence might have taken me by surprise, but in the
dim light of the crescent moon, I could see his pale bone mask
hovering like a wraith in the black of night.
"Duo?" My voice was shaking, and I didn't know why.
Well, that clinches it, you're working from a different take on Heero.
Which is fine, that's one of the reasons I read fanfic. I think it's
just that this shortfic has insufficient depth to break the reader in
gently. But there's not much to be done about that.
He reached up and pulled off the mask. His face seemed
starkly young and all too human in contrast, but his dark eyes
were old. Old, and very, very tired.
You ever wonder just how seriously Duo takes his "Shinigami" title?
Must be wearing, however literally or figuratively he thinks of it.
"Mission accomplished," I said.
<grin>
He nodded once. "Yeah," he said. His voice was hoarse, and
for a fleeting moment, I wondered if he had been screaming.
Now this is less un-Herro-ish to my ear, but I guess it's easier for me
to envision Heero warming to his fellow pilots than to other people.
Besides, Duo worked so *hard* to get past Heero's unflappable
exterior.... :)
But then he grinned that lopsided grin that never quite
reached the spark in his eyes. "'And Darkness and Decay and the
Red Death held illimitable dominion over all.'"
Yes, our Duo definitely studies the classics.
Not much more to say. The story definitely captures the original Poe
(never been a Poe fan, but MotrD is one of the few I did read. Made an
impression, it did), and manages to parallel it very well w/o being
slavish -- Duo's doing a performance art pastiche, basically, with Heero
providing the necessarily ignorant narrational viewpoint. Duo is
*definitely* in character, and Heero is close enough that I can shift my
viewpoint to accomodate.
Up next: Duo does Lovecraft!
"Duo. You're looking very... chtonic... tonight."
"Heero? Where did you learn that term?"
"I've been ghosting your recent choices in reading material. I've
found that it gives me an insight into your choice of tactics for
upcoming missions."
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