On 6/19/06, Morgan Hudson <dataraven_659@hotmail.com> wrote:

Shouldn't she be strangling puppies or something, as opposed to being

humbly
thankful for what blessings she has?

She doesn't feel comfortable enough to start expressing her own desires
just
yet. There are too many large and scary people around who could eat her if
they didn't like what she had to say. I'm sure she'll get nastier once she
settles in. :)

I hadn't really thought about it that way, but now that you mention it it
makes a lot of sense. And looking back you did the build up for it too. So
huzzah.



One of the things Jadeite liked most about her was that she was nervous

enough to be careful. Youma with a lust for power might do something
stupid
like try to read the book out loud. I can promise you that if there are
this
many ancient toms of forbidden lore scattered around, at least *one* of
them
is going to lead to the King in Yellow. And the King in Yellow does not
like
unexpected visitors.

He'd just ruin EVERYBODY's day. Except mine. It's my favorite book.

trap aimed

at getting somebody or other to think wierd things. but I don't know any

of

the youma to be that into psychological warfare.

Youma are not usually into psychological warfare, no. They prefer the kind
of warfare that involves yelling and hitting.

I've been getting that vibe. I think that's why Jadeite is so dangerous. He
does things which involve a lot of bleeding and dying, but all very quietly.

Ami's emotions come through pretty well through the conversation, and we
never really want to know too much about what these fools are thinking
anyway.

Yeah, I still recall the last time I went near the mind of Shuu Rei Fuan:
Super-cool total badass. I've been a little scared to go back ever since,
although I do love him for being so straightforward to write. Not to
mention
fun! ^_^

See, that's what's so fun about it. Going deep into the mind of one of these
people should be like candy, a rare and well savored treat.

Shuu: "I am Shuu Rei Fuan! Men, you may now begin trembling in fear. Women

shall also be allowed to tremble, but only with anticipation...."

A pretty decent chunk, but real slow going.

It was a pretty slow chapter. Mostly I was just setting up for things that
are going to be happening later. Also, I really wanted somebody to fight a
dinosaur.

I stand by that decision. :)

Yeah, I got nothing. That was fun.

Ultimately, nothing happened

except to a couple of characters I'm only mildly interested in.

Uh-oh. I don't suppose you would be kind enough to let me know which
characters those were, would you? So far, I'm pretty much shooting in the
dark as far as guessing what people are and are not interested with. I've
gotten some requests to cut back on all the Makoto and Touma stuff, so
they
will be out of the scene for a while, but if you have a preference, please
feel free to let me know. I'll try to touch base on everyone important.

The characters with dialogue. So far it seems to be the Senshi, the
troopers, and a couple of major baddies. You've got a big cast, and its
easier to develop strong affection for a few. The old bad guys don't really
do it for me, except the one's that are still bad. You've instilled some
faith in Usagi within me, so I'll assume if she didn't off someone, he's
fine.

To get REAL specific, Ami and Ryo, Makoto, who's his butt who's rescuing
her, and the monk. Mainly the monk. I like that guy. The other Senshi,
Jadeite, and the troopers are pretty equal.

I like the focus on them, but if you don't want to do that for stylistic
reasons, <or you just really like other people> go with that.


Y'know, the scary thing is that I still have to work the Outer Senshi and

the Masho into this. I've barely got half of my main cast so far. :)

Yeah. You may be pushing it. once you get a cast that big, you're going to
have to move real quickly to avoid bogging. I'd recomend trying some stuff
smaller and faster now so you can iron the kinks out of it.

You may find it necessary to have more events occur to the guys and girls

you're writing dialogue for. That way there's a bit more of an emotional
investment in whether or not they die.

Fair enough. I guess I'm guilty of assuming that people are already
invested
in those characters. I really should focus on the core group more
fiercely.
I keep forgetting that a lot of my readers do not know Shin Mouri or Ryo
Sanada from a hole in the ground.

Well, that's true. And you're doing a good job.  But personnaly, I care more
about _your_ Ryo Saneda than the real one.,

That being said, the rest of your audience already cares about these

people, so I'll go blow it out my ear. I dunno. more dialogue and less
exposition.

I'll do my best. :)

-Morgan



Mia



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