Hello, ladies and gents, and I blame you all for pulling me back in.
<Al Pacino voice> I thought I was out but you kept pulling me back in! </Al
Pacino voice>
Thankfully, I have a rather light job nowadays as a translator/subtitler and
can turn my attention to this again.
Anyway, for those who read my earlier post and sent in an e-mail for C&C,
I'll get back to you ASAP. Thankfully, most of you requested private C&C so
I don't actually have to work to make the commentary funny when I do my
criticism. ^_^
Anyway, as for those who sent in a synopsis for this week's Synopsis, you'll
get a short review as I once did; nothing in-depth, just a few comments and
suggestions for the fic.
Please note that I'll usually make a short comment on spamfics or at the
very least an emoticon.
Also for any future submissions to the weekly synopsis, if you don't want my
comments just make a note of it on your template. Just add something like,
"Don't let Elsa touch this!!" or something similar.
Please also note that I try not to read other people's C&C when I write
this. This is so that I come to a fic without preconceptions but also tends
to make me sound like a broken record when I repeat what's already been
said. Just bear with it. ^_-
Now let us begin, deshou, deshou!!
*****************************
Series: Ranma 1/2 / Star Wars
Title: Balance of Force
Chapter: Prologue
Author: Andrew Norris
Web site: None
Genre: Cross-over, Adventure
Status: Under revision
Synopsis: Jedi comes to Nerima, and finds a potential Padawan, shame it's
Ranma.
Review:
First of all, awkward formatting; I don't know how it shows up on your
computer, but on MS Outlook 2003 it shows up as double-spaced. I've read
enough student's works to be used to it, but it gives me horrid flashbacks
to my days in 'Nam. Please try to fix that the next time you post.
Presentation is part of the package after all.
Anyway, let us continue.
I'm not exactly a big fan of Star Wars. I like _elements_ of the mythos but
the entire thing taken as a whole turns me off. But still, after going
through it I am pleased by the approach you have chosen - a limited
viewpoint through the original character's eyes.
There is a definite "voice" to the character and it helps greatly in making
the character identifiable. It supplies information without making it seem
like exposition, though it stumbles a little - an especially big stumble
with the notes after.
A bit of advice, though I think it's more of a personal peeve: notes with
stats and descriptions are cheats. They enable you to just throw your hands
up and say "I'll just have an afterword" for those difficult scenes/parts -
those simple description sentences could have easily been inserted into the
work with a little bit of finesse and would have definitely added to the
fic's seamlessness. This goes the same for attack descriptions and a
glossary.
Anyway, a good piece but it definitely needs a bit of polish with the way it
gives information to the reader. Like the old maxim goes: show, don't tell
and everything would be fine.
-----
Series: Sailor Moon / Yoroiden Samurai Troopers
Title: Ronin Summer: Convergence
Chapter: 7 (earlier chapters on web site)
Author: Morgan Hudson
Web site: http://members.tripod.com/dataraven_659/convergence.html
Genre: Cross-over
Status: Unknown
Synopsis: "On Jadeite's orders, Oniwabandanna infiltrates the lair of
Radanthus the Unconquered to spy on the scheming Badamon and his deranged
associate Nise Suiko. Meanwhile, Shin Mouri's plans for confronting his evil
twin are interrupted when Ryo Sanada comes home from his night out with Ami
Mizuno, and Ami seeks out some advice from Usagi Tsukino in the hopes of
finding out what to do about the handsome young Samurai Trooper. Finally, in
the Arctic, Petz of the Dark Moon Family and Kaolinite of the Deathbusters
are working together to locate a stable portal to the Dark Kingdom, and find
a very aggressive one instead...."
Review:
First of all the review of this fic could be summarized thus:
OMGBUTFULRITEMOREKKTHX!!!
Anyway, the problem with reviewing multiple chapters of a fic, especially
those midway in a series, is that you have to take in consideration the
previous chapters and also the future chapters.
I am a big fan of Morgan Hudson's work, though I am sadly Yoroiden-lacking -
having only watched a few episodes.
Anyway, though the above summary may read nonsensical and sound really bad
with names like "Oniwabandanna" and "Badamon" it is actually a very fine
piece of work.
Opening with a little character background and development for the
aforementioned Oniwabandanna, it continues in Mr. Hudson's fine
multi-layered style which gives us, in the quieter scenes, a sense of
emotional attachment and, in the great fight scenes with Kaolinite and Petz
in this chapter, a very visceral experience. You will have to actually read
it to understand what I'm talking about.
As for problems? Just the usual forgivable fanfic faults of continuities and
having a different flavor from the original on it was based - nothing major.
Personally, Morgan should also be writing original fiction if anything. I'd
buy it on his name alone.
-----
Series: Chrono Crusade
Title: With the blessing of God
Chapter: One shot
Author: Andrew M. Petalik
Web site: None
Genre: Lime
Status: Under revision
Synopsis: After the defeat of Aion, Rosette and Chrono have disappeared.
This story expands mostly upon their time in the run-down house. An attempt
to give them a happier ending than the anime.
Review:
Well, a nice little one-shot. Formatting's shot but the "under revision"
means it will probably be fixed. Too many ellipses, by the way, fix that
when you revise it. Try not to hear it so much as write it - in my
experience writing down internal scripts leads to very awkward prose
dialogue.
It's sweet - though that is not exactly a ringing endorsement from me since
sweet can easily mean "trite" for some, but a bit of revision should do
wonders for it: take note on your word choices and your pacing.
I'm still up in the air about the last quarter of the fic. It just seems
extraneous and I think you should have ended with a tombstone scene.
Anyway, your fic, your choices. Hope to see it when it's revised.
Also, I definitely agree that Chrono Crusade is right up there with some of
the anime greats with sucky endings: Trigun, Samurai Deeper Kyo, et al.
-----
Series: Animal Crossing (video game)
Title: A Typical Day
Chapter: One shot
Author: Rob Atendido
Web site: http://www.rob.snookles.com
Genre: spamfic, parody
Status: complete, although anyone can continue it if they'd like
Synopsis: Animal Crossing... gone horribly, horribly wrong.
Review:
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
To quote the fic:
Tortimer addressed him in a no-nonsense tone. "We need to see the...special
merchandise."
Surprised, Nook looked at Tortimer as if to say, "Are you sure?"
However, noting Tortimer's determined expression, Nook nodded smartly and
waved us all in. Once we were all inside, Nook shut the door, went behind
the register, and pushed a switch. The Nook point machine next to the door
shuddered, and slid to one side, revealing a hidden staircase.
We all went down and marveled at what we saw. Racks of weapons, from swords
to shotguns. Camouflage shirts for everyone. Apparently, this was where
all the extra mortgage money was going. It also explained why the Hedgehog
sisters were always busy sewing...
*******
Editorial:
War -- no -- Writing Fanfic is Hell!!!
As a new addition to the weekly synopsis list review, I'll throw in a weekly
editorial like this, just to go over the week or shoot the breeze or answer
the mail, like Stan Lee. ^_-
Anyway, this week started what will probably be called the FFML's call to
arms: it's dying, how do we save it?, open up, etcetera, etcetera.
Personally, in all that morass, the esteemed Mike Loader posted what was
probably the most succinct explanation:
7) That's not really going to fix anything, though. The main problem is that
the list has been stuck in the Ranma Fanfic rut for over a decade.
This was a good spot to be in back in 1996. It's 2006. There is no new blood
for Ranma. Most of the ideas have been done. Most of the ideas have been
done 30 times. A list focusing on Ranma fanfic will dwindle and die, as
indeed the FFML is in the process of doing.
Ayep, the FFML was Ranma fanfic haven number one when Takahashi's opus (no,
Inu-yasha is not going to match it in my opinion or as Scott Ramsoomair puts
it: "Dragon Ball Z for girls"). The problem is Ranma is not top dog anymore
and that leads to this as Mike Loader says once again:
It's dying because the thing it was founded on has gone stagnant, and the
old writers and commentators aren't being replaced with new ones when they
leave or stop writing.
That's pretty much it. A continuous supply of new blood is essential to any
online community and the FFML is not much different. It would be nice to see
a few more new names - who also have thick skins because we'll be
eviscerating them before they become official writers on the ML. ^_^
I like commenting and writing and since I've restarted this I might as well
go with it till the end when they drag the FFML to the back of the shack and
put it out of its misery.
So, to everyone out there, just write and post. Original fics have been
posted to the FFML: Kumiko the Demon Girl is probably the finest piece of
original fiction I've seen come on the list, and though Stefan Gagne's
Sailor Nothing wasn't directly posted here I got to it through here. Just
post and see if it sticks or not - remember, it's always easier to get
forgiveness than it is to get permission.
But always remember this: the FFML will not baby you - at the very least,
Lurker won't. ^_-
Anyway, hope to see you next week!
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