Dragonboy:  First off, we'd like to appologize for the lack of C&C for your 
100 Days fic.  The size of our attention spans makes for some difficult 
reviewing for 100+ kb works.  It's going great, though. ^_^

Stiel:  This one, however, looks just our size!


Dragon-Stiel Inc. Presents:  A C&C/MST review for-


Secrets and Lies
A Naruto one-shot
by Aaron Nowack

***********************************************************************
Disclaimer:  In the year 2525, it is possible that through some
improbable series of events Naruto will belong to me.

Dragonboy:  That, and Chobits, DearS, and every other 
boy-meets-hot-robotic-chick series in existance will belong to me!  Dream 
big!

When that happened, it was almost impossible to get them to let him to

do

Nervousness, however, was not a
trait that many had seen the young boy display.  It was something he had
learned to hide at a far-too-early age, as with all signs of weakness.

Stiel:  Weakness to ramen doesn't count, however.

        Hatake Kakashi, despite his deliberately casual attitude, had
done more than a little research on his soon-to-be students.  Naruto in
particular he had studied carefully, and he knew just how odd the blond
kid's open display of nervousness was.  It was one of  countless tiny
details that meant that his three students might have well have been

Dragonboy:  I think that first 'have' should either be removed or possibly 
changed to 'as'.  Hard to tell, but the sentence reads funny the way it is.

shouting that their little speeches on their likes, dislikes, and dreams
had been only slightly more revealing than his own information-free
example.  He was actually sort of impressed.
        "All right," he said, giving Naruto a serious stare wit his

with

visible eye.  "You look like you want to say something."
        Naruto shuffled his feet.  "Umm... I'm... I... I don't know
whether to say it.  Iruka-sensei said I should, though, so..." he

Dragonboy:  Remove the comma after should, I think.

Stiel:  Or mabye make the second comma a period.   "...though.  So..."  That 
seems better.

        Kakashi's eye widened.  Was he going to tell the other two about
the Kyuubi?  Half of his mind quickly began to race through memory-
altering genjutsu, searching for one that could be applied without
damaging the Uchiha and the girl.  The other half futilely searched for
less drastic damage-control strategies.

Kakashi:  Look!  A three-headed monkey!  *Grab Naruto and run when others 
aren't looking*

        Naruto backed away nervously.  "Please don't hit me, Sakura-
chan," she whined plaintively.  When Sakura didn't say anything, or in
fact do anything but twitch several more times, he took a step forward.
"Sakura-chan?" he asked, worry plain in his voice.

Dragonboy:  You're switching back and forth between referring to Naruto as a 
guy and a girl since the transformation.  First you said "she whined" but 
are now saying "he asked...his voice".  Try to keep a constant with the 
gender referal.

        "I'm sorry," the... other girl said flatly.  "I'm trying to
figure out how I could have missed the fact that you don't have an
Adam's apple, given how many times I've throttled you."
        "It was a transformation technique, sort of," Naruto explained.
"The Hokage used in on me when I was young.

in --> it

        Uchiha Sasuke shook his head slowly as he stood.  "This is too
rich, dead last.  I wasn't planning on telling you all this, but I
suppose I should.  It'll end some annoyances, at least."  He gave Sakura
a hostile glare before pointing at Kakashi.  "You," she stated.  "Turn
around, old man."

Dragonboy:  You referred to Sasuke as a female (she) before revealing the 
'secret', even if it was obvious at this point.

        Kakashi complied, realizing what was about to happen.  A moment
later both Naruto and Sakura gasped.
        "Sasuke-kun..." Sakura breathed.
        "You," Naruto muttered, disbelieving

Stiel:  Missed period.

        Kakashi's eye widened.  Even he had never heard that the tiny
Haruno Clan had a bloodline limit.  Sakura formed a rapid sequence of
seals, and then she... shifted.  A moment after that, looking ludicrous
in the ill-fitting red dress, he grinned at the Uchiha heiress.  "So,
how about a date, Sayuri-chan?" Sakura asked.  The newly revealed girl
backed away, eyes widening in dawning horror as she clearly realized
that her revelation was not going to have the desired effect.

Stiel:  I suppose the lesbian card is a little too late in coming.

        "Damn it," Naruto muttered quietly.  "She... he still wants the
bastard."
        "That's because you're still an idiot," Sakura snapped at her.

Stiel:  Yes but, now s/he's sexy!  All the time!

"Anyway," she said, turning to Kakashi.  "I was born male, but it's the
tradition in the Haruno Clan for all children to be raised as girls,
since it's easier to train a girl to act like a boy then the other away
around."

Dragonboy:  Tell that to Naruto and Sasuke.

        Kakashi rubbed at his forehead.  "What a coincidence," he
muttered.  "I wonder how the three of you, of all people, wound up in a
team together."
        The three new genin traded a look, then Sakura shifted back to
female form.  "Hokage-sama, you pervert," the three girls growled in
unison.

Dragonboy:  Darn, no secrets for Kakashi?  Maybe he's actually reading 
Parade magazine inside those books of his?


<snip Team 9 scene>

Dragonboy:  Heh.

Stiel:  Concurred.

        Yuuhi Kurenai was presently vomiting, grateful she'd made it to
a toilet.  Despite what her friend Mitarashi Anko loudly declared,
Kurenai was not a prude.  Thank you very much, she was a well-adjusted

Stiel:  I think you should include "Thank you very much" with the previous 
sentence, then start a new sentence at "She was..."

        She'd decided to spy on her new students after letting them go

>from their first meeting, wanting to see how they acted with each other

in the absence of an authority figure.  The pile of naked, sweaty,
intertwining twelve-year-old bodies she had discovered was disturbing
enough.  Then she had seen the dog, which had been enough to give her
nightmares for weeks.  Then, the bugs...

Dragonboy:  And we'd just had that discussion about underaged lemons three 
days ago, too. @_@

Author's Random Ramblings

Well, that's a wrap.  Hopefully it was at least chuckle-worthy.

Stiel:  In a twisted, disturbing sort of way, yes.  It certainly was.

Dragonboy:  Nice work, and I'll be waiting for the next installment of 100 
Days, too. ^_^


Dragon-Stiel Inc.

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