I haven't vanished either... I just haven't said much and prefer to stay
out of political debates like the 200+ message one that's come up
recently. That said, the Super Mario Bros. tag on this story caught my
eye, and as I've been remiss in commenting recently, I figured I'd say
something about it.

First off, you're right in that the spelling and grammar need some
cleanup. I can go over it for you privately if you'd like, so as not to
fill the list with "spellcheck please" and "at least spell the NAMES
right!" But as for the story itself and the OOC-ness of the characters,
there's one thing that must be said straight off. The angle of Ranma
having a new fiancee arranged by his parents has been done to death, and
that's just in canon. His mother making the arrangement seems out of
character for her, to me. That's just not something she'd do, and if she
had, then unlike Genma, she'd have made a big deal out of it when she
came to see Ranma. "What do you mean, fiancee? I already arranged a
marriage for Ranma before he was born! And I brought her here with me to
meet him!" Like that. She didn't seem to make a habit of sweeping
anything under the rug, so to speak.

I think that if you really want to set up Princess Peach as a fiancee
for Ranma, you'll need to do it in a more direct fashion. I'm thinking
something along these lines, and this is just an example: One of Peach's
ministers points out that Peach is getting on in years (add slapstick)
and that it's about time she gets married. Naturally, she wants to marry
Mario, but he's still trying to get back to his own world and she
doesn't want to stand in his way. So she appeals to a higher power, like
a mushroom god, asking it to show her who she should marry. Meanwhile, a
prank in Nerima (or in the Mushroom Kingdom) goes wrong and sends Ranma
tumbling into one of those warp pipes that pop up everywhere in the
Mario series. The pipe spits him out right in front of Peach, and in the
tradition of Louie the Rune Soldier, her engagement is decided.

I don't want to write your plot for you, but I really think you need to
do SOMETHING different to make your story stand out from the masses of
"New fiancee enters Tendo house, Akane beats up Ranma, Soun cries, Genma
hides" stories already out there. The eccentricities of the Super Mario
universe give you plenty to work with in that respect.

In short, I think the idea has a lot of potential, but the execution
isn't doing it justice. This may be a rewrite, but what the story really
needs is a replot and a rethink. Give it another go and let's see what
you can come up with.


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