Subject: [FFML] Re: [Naruto] Secrets and Lies
From: Xelloss Metallium
Date: 6/17/2006, 7:40 PM
To: Aaron Nowack <anowack@tulane.edu>, Post to FFML <ffml@anifics.com>

Not much to crit here, though commentary isn't such an
issue. By that, I mean it's pretty well beta'ed, so my
copy-editor skills go to waste.

--- Aaron Nowack <anowack@tulane.edu> wrote:


Not really feeling like working on the fifth fight
scene (out of
fourteen) for Chapter 11 of One Hundred Days,

I'll get back to reading it! Really I will!

I
churned this little
almost-a-spamfic out tonight instead.  This idea has
been in my head for
a while now, and I don't think it came out quite as
well as it could
have, but it was written so I figured I might as
well inflict it on you all.

All C&C is welcomed, of course.

Secrets and Lies
A Naruto Fanfic
By: Aaron Nowack


***********************************************************************
Disclaimer:  In the year 2525, it is possible that
through some
improbable series of events Naruto will belong to
me.

When that time comes, I shall be your opponent in
Fanboy Death-Duel. </samurai>

 Until then,
Naruto is Kishimoto Masashi's.  The text of this
fanfic, however, is
mine, and may not be used without permission.

***********************************************************************

        The Hidden Village of the Leaf's Third
Hokage was an old man.

The sentence's subject is vague. Is the Hokage or the
village an old man?

suggest: "The Third Hokage of the Hidden Village of
the Leaf was an old man."

or, if like me, you're somewhat pedantic about
translations:
"The Third Hokage of the Village Hidden in the Falling
Leaves"

He tried to fight it, but more and more of the
little duties he used to
perform as a matter of course had somehow wound up
being taken care of
by the numerous chuunin who seemed to have nothing
better to do than
hang around waiting for him to delegate a task in a
moment of weakness.
When that happened, it was almost impossible to get
them to let him to
the job himself again.

Encroaching bureaucracy isn't pleasant.

        There was one task that the Hokage had made
sure to never let
slip from his fingers.  Technically, it should have
been a simple
application of mathematics.  So far as anyone knew,
the new genin teams
were carefully chosen to make the average scores as
close as possible.
In reality, the Hokage had set things up so that
there was enough of a
fudge factor that he could justify any conceivable
arrangement.

3rd: "...Aaand for Team Seven, the dartboard says..."
*thok!* "Uchiha..." *whok!* "Haruno..."
Chuunin Redshirt: "Saindaime-sama, I have those-"
*thok!*
Chuunin Redshirt: "AIEEE!"
3rd: "Crap, not again. Well, I guess that counts for
Naruto. MEDIC!"

        Grinning to himself, the Hokage put the
finishing touches on the
assignments for this year's graduating class,

If the previous skit is taken into account, that
becomes a little scary. o_o

then
called in a chuunin
to deliver it to the academy.  As soon as he was
alone again, he took
out the crystal ball he used for scrying.  This was
going to be a fun
year...

Must not quote Macbeth. Must not quote Macbeth...

***********************************************************************

The next day...

        Nervous was not a word that many would use
to describe Uzumaki
Naruto.  Bold, yes.  Loud, yes.  Brash, of course. 
Stupid... well,
everyone except for one Umino Iruka. 

Well, when they're in class, Iruka's mouth says
otherwise. Or when Naruto's pulled another prank.

Nervousness,
however, was not a
trait that many had seen the young boy display.  It
was something he had
learned to hide at a far-too-early age, as with all
signs of weakness.
        Hatake Kakashi, despite his deliberately
casual attitude, had
done more than a little research on his soon-to-be
students.  Naruto in
particular he had studied carefully, and he knew
just how odd the blond
kid's open display of nervousness was.  It was one
of  countless tiny
details that meant that his three students might
have well have been
shouting that their little speeches on their likes,
dislikes, and dreams
had been only slightly more revealing than his own
information-free
example.  He was actually sort of impressed.

Honestly, it hadn't occurred to me before that the
whole introduction might actually have been a test of
the genin trio's ability to keep information quiet.
Kudos.

        "All right," he said, giving Naruto a
serious stare wit his

*with

visible eye.  "You look like you want to say
something."
        Naruto shuffled his feet.  "Umm... I'm...
I... I don't know
whether to say it.  Iruka-sensei said I should,
though, so..." he
trailed off, taking a deep breath.
        Kakashi's eye widened.  Was he going to tell
the other two about
the Kyuubi?  Half of his mind quickly began to race
through memory-
altering genjutsu, searching for one that could be
applied without
damaging the Uchiha and the girl.  The other half
futilely searched for
less drastic damage-control strategies.

Y'know, I never understood that. I know the law
applies to all the adults, but does it actually
prevent Naruto from telling his secret to those he
thinks he can trust?

        "It would probably be best to just show you
guys," Naruto
muttered as he stood, his hands forming a single,
strange seal.  Kakashi
didn't waste time cursing, his mind shifting gears
instantly as he began
to search for a non-lethal way of stopping the kid. 
He was too late
though, as with a sudden shout of "Release!" he
vanished in a puff of
smoke.  A moment later, the smoke faded and Kakashi
blinked.
        The changes weren't obvious, but there was
something slightly
different in Naruto's face.  Particularly given the
baggy clothing his
student wore, it took Kakashi a moment to figure it
out, but he hadn't
been the student of the Hidden Leaf's third-biggest
pervert, the student
of the village's second-biggest pervert, for
nothing. 

That sentence is a little clunky. It's readable, and
parses well enough, but it could use a bit of cleaning
up.

And also, I'm glad that the Fourth is given some
partial characterization from Kakashi's mind. It's a
minor detail, but it deepens the setting.

"Huh."  Well,
that explained more than a few oddities from twelve
years ago. 

Thus, how the much-evidenced-circumstantailly
relationship between Naruto and Yondaime was hidden
from the record - officially, Yondy had a daughter.
^_^

It also
neatly explained how a twelve-year-old boy had
learned enough of female
anatomy to create the Sexy Technique.
        "You're a girl."  Haruno Sakura, until a
moment ago the sole
female member of the newly birthed Team Seven,
twitched.

Inner Sakura: "So, not only is the brat a stalker, but
she's one of those creepy lesbian stalkers!"
Kaorin: "Don't knock it 'til you've tried it."

Cameo no Jutsu!

        Naruto backed away nervously.  "Please don't
hit me, Sakura-
chan," she whined plaintively.  When Sakura didn't
say anything, or in
fact do anything but twitch several more times, he
took a step forward.
"Sakura-chan?" he asked, worry plain in his voice.
        "I'm sorry," the... other girl said flatly. 
"I'm trying to
figure out how I could have missed the fact that you
don't have an
Adam's apple, given how many times I've throttled
you."

*snrk*

        "It was a transformation technique, sort
of," Naruto explained.
"The Hokage used in on me when I was young.  He said
that it was because
I'd be safer being on my own as a boy."  She
grimaced.  The third genin
on the team began to laugh, and Naruto turned to
him, snarling.  "What
are you laughing at, bastard?" she demanded.
        Uchiha Sasuke shook his head slowly as he
stood.  "This is too
rich, dead last.  I wasn't planning on telling you
all this, but I
suppose I should.  It'll end some annoyances, at
least."  He gave Sakura
a hostile glare before pointing at Kakashi.  "You,"
she stated.  "Turn
around, old man."

OHGOD bad mental image! Blast you, Fanfiction.net!
Curse you and your obsessive gay!Sasuke slash writers!

        Kakashi complied, realizing what was about
to happen. 

-AND your gay!Kakashi slash-writers, too! >_<

A moment
later both Naruto and Sakura gasped.
        "Sasuke-kun..." Sakura breathed.
        "You," Naruto muttered, disbelieving

Was that sentence unfinished, or is the period
missing?

        "I hate taking these things off," Sasuke
muttered.  A few
moments later, he told Kakashi that he could turn
around. 

(...I give up.)

Over so soon, Wonderboy?

(may I be forgiven for that one...)

The jounin
was not surprised to see the pile of bandages by
Sasuke's feet, nor the
now-unbound breasts - rather large for a child her
age - now visible on
her chest.  "So you see why I find your
attentions... displeasing," she
snarled at Sakura, who was blinking rapidly.
        "Are you okay, Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked.
        Sasuke crossed her arms under her breasts. 
"I suppose I should
also say that my name is Uchiha Sayuri."  She
grimaced.  "It was decided
that a lone, female heir to the Uchiha Clan would be
too vulnerable to
threats from inside and outside the village."

Kinda makes sense. 

As an aside, I remember a discussion on the genetic
inheritance of Bloodline Limits once sprung up on a
web-forum. They figured that since only a few of the
Uchiha clan were able to manifest the Sharingan, and
we'd only seen male Sharingan users, the necessary
traits would mostly likely be on the Y chromosome -
i.e. a patrilineal inheritance. 

However, a matrilineal inheritance makes for much more
comedic effect, at the expense of Sasuke and/or
Itachi. ^_^

        Kakashi's eye turned to Sakura.  "Your turn,
I suppose," he
stated.
        Sakura paled.  "You know?" she asked,
horrified.
        Kakashi blinked.  He'd been joking.  "You're
a boy?"
        "Not at the moment," Sakura muttered,

Paging Saotome. Saotome to the poolside courtesy
phone, please.

standing as well.  "I
suppose there's no point in hiding it now."  She
glared in turn at her
teacher and her teammates.  "Never breath a word of
this," she said.
"I'm not suppose to be telling you about my
bloodline limit, since it's
not as useful if people know about it."
        Kakashi's eye widened.  Even he had never
heard that the tiny
Haruno Clan had a bloodline limit.  Sakura formed a
rapid sequence of
seals, and then she... shifted.  A moment after
that, looking ludicrous
in the ill-fitting red dress, he grinned at the
Uchiha heiress.

Okay, so maybe Maze is more apropos.

Anyway, considering the typical fit of female
undergarments, I hope his/her male form isn't much
bigger than the female. Pinch like the dickens.

 "So,
how about a date, Sayuri-chan?" Sakura asked.  The
newly revealed girl
backed away, eyes widening in dawning horror as she
clearly realized
that her revelation was not going to have the
desired effect.

Ayup. Massive backfire.

        "Damn it," Naruto muttered quietly.  "She...
he still wants the
bastard."
        "That's because you're still an idiot,"
Sakura snapped at her.

Heh.

"Anyway," she said, turning to Kakashi.  "I was born
male, but it's the
tradition in the Haruno Clan for all children to be
raised as girls,
since it's easier to train a girl to act like a boy
then the other away
around."

I still hold that women know no more about men than
men do about women. They're just better at making it
look that way.

        Kakashi rubbed at his forehead.  "What a
coincidence," he
muttered.  "I wonder how the three of you, of all
people, wound up in a
team together."
        The three new genin traded a look, then
Sakura shifted back to
female form.  "Hokage-sama, you pervert," the three
girls growled in
unison.

3rd: "Blame the dartboard, not me."

***********************************************************************

        "I thought about not telling you this," Nara
Shikamaru stated,
"but I decided it would be troublesome if I hid it
and then you all
found out."
        "What?" Sarutobi Asuma, his new jounin
teacher, asked.
        "I'm gay," Shikamaru answered.

#$^&ing ff.net!

        "What, you too?" Ino asked suddenly.  Asuma
blinked.

Didn't really see that one coming.

In hindsight, it's almost canon... although I
personally think she's bi.

        "Wait a minute," Shikamaru asked.  "What
about Uchiha?"
        "Oh, that."  Yamanaka Ino waved her hand
negligently.  "Sakura-
chan had a crush on him, but she'd never have worked
up the courage to
do anything about it if I didn't goad her like that,
and I wanted her to
be happy, so..."

Does sound plausible.

        Shikamaru blinked.  "You're in love with
Haruno!"
        "Oh, thank you for just shouting it out!"
Ino snarled at him.

I can hardly picture Shikamaru shouting that. Probably
grunting in a somewhat surprised manner.

Ino, on the other hand, would probably react like that
even if he whispered it. Mostly because I see her as
slightly warped in the head.

"You didn't see me telling everyone that you
obviously have the hots for
Sasuke-kun yourself!"

o_o

Really didn't see that one coming.

        Shikamaru was too engrossed in the ensuing
argument with Ino to
notice the sudden look of crushed hope in Chouji's
eyes, but Asuma
wasn't.  "Damn old pervert," he muttered.

Poor Chouji. Chubby gets no love.

***********************************************************************

        Yuuhi Kurenai was presently vomiting,
grateful she'd made it to
a toilet. 

Nasty, but good hook.

Despite what her friend Mitarashi Anko
loudly declared,
Kurenai was not a prude.  Thank you very much, she

That reads a little weird. Should probably move the
"thank you very much" interjection to just after
"healthy sex drive".

was a well-adjusted
young woman with a healthy sex drive, even if she
didn't flaunt it like
certain snake-obsessed kunoichi who were infamous
for sleeping with more
people, both male and female, than anyone else in
the village. 

Anko: "Hey, there. Wanna pet my snake?"
RandomNin: "OHGOD she's a he! Run away!" *dustcloud*
Anko: "...was it something I said?"

(and oddly, she's probably one of the few genuine
females in this piece. Moral of the story: Never trust
gender perception in a village where gender forgery is
an in-demand job skill.)

Still, this had been too much.
        She'd decided to spy on her new students
after letting them go
from their first meeting, wanting to see how they
acted with each other
in the absence of an authority figure.  The pile of
naked, sweaty,
intertwining twelve-year-old bodies she had
discovered was disturbing
enough.  Then she had seen the dog, which had been
enough to give her
nightmares for weeks.  Then, the bugs...

...Kiba, I can see, maybe, a little. But Shino?! Ewww.
And Akamaru- geh.

Meanwhile, the thoughts of Hinata have me torn. On one
hand, there's my "but she's the cute little shy mouse!
And she's nuts over Naruto!" side; on the other,
there's the near-certainly that having eyes capable of
seeing through solid objects automatically confers no
small measure of voyeurism.

...Dear God, I just realized something. Since Byakugan
basically makes clothing futile outside of protection
from the elements, either one of two things must
happen:
A) A strictly-enforced "No Byakugan on the premises,
outside of the training hall" rule, or
B) Hyuuga compound = Nudist colony. "In the sun"
indeed.

        Retching up a fresh wave of vomit, Kurenai
swore to herself that
she was going to get revenge on Anko.  Somehow, this
had to be her
fault.  It just to had to be.

Nerima is ---> thataway!


***********************************************************************

Author's Random Ramblings

Well, that's a wrap.  Hopefully it was at least
chuckle-worthy.

Oh yes. Yes it was.

-- ~XM~ Proud member of the FFML! __________________________________________________ Do You Yahoo!? Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around http://mail.yahoo.com .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----. | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com | | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com | | Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject | `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'