salia twril <salielle@yahoo.com> wrote:

And Tybalt was really a sentient AI that went rouge and had to be stopped.

TYBALT: I'm a shy, beautiful girl, a Virgo with blood type A.

WHITE WOLF: Quick, somebody, stop her before she finds some cold water.

So, I suppose i'll end with a bit of a spamfic.  There is no point to it aside from a bit of humor value, and I don't particulary expect much comment on it.

NOBODY expects the Spammish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise, blah blah
blah.

Ranma VS the power of Voodoo.

Capitalize "power", as it is a significant word in a title.

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine, not at all. They belong to Rumiko Takashi, and this is intended as a tribute, if anything.

Note: Set post manga or something.  Probably violates cannon somewhere.

canon
(cannon is a big gun)

Ranma and Akane ran towards school, hand in hand.  Maybe, things might turn out allright after all.  They cleared the gate, and standing 

all right
(two words)

Things? Which things? I would either expand on this comment or drop it.

directly in front  of them, clothed in downright weird regailia was...Gosunkugi?

Suggest you describe a few noteworthy details of his regalia. Calling it
"downright weird" doesn't really help me picture it.

Standing somewhat wobbily behind a set of complex markings on the ground, looking as if he had had even less sleep than normal, his 

normal pallor even worse than it had been the entire time they had knonw him, was a shakey Hikaru Gosunkugi. Self styled voodoo 

known

shaky

Self-styled

You've got some major problems with line wrapping throughout this. Wrap at 70-80
characters maximum per line, and don't doublespace. There are formatting tools
listed in the FAQ in case you can't manage to get Open Office configured to do
this.

practicioner.  

"Ranma...your time has come! ..all three of you!" He slurred out,  then began muttering to himself too quietly to be heard, then exploding 

...all
(three dots per set of ellipses)

you!" he
(What is he slurring? It is the words "Ranma..." that he is slurring, so it is
part of the same sentence.)

out with "Your doom is here, and akane will be free!  You cannot kill what's not alive! your defeat is now!'  Unfortunately for him, this effort 

Akane
(capitalize the names of specific people)

Your
(capitalize the beginning of a sentence)

now!"
(use quote marks consistently)

seemed to exhaust him, and he fell over with glazed eyes, muttering about a servant arising.

Ranma just looked at Akane, feeling extremely defensive of her, and not really knowing what on earth to expect from the voodoo boy.  His 

Earth
(capitalize the names of specific planets)

wait was soon ended, as the ground in the center of the markings erupted and an animated skeletal corpse appeared with a belagured 

moan. "Ungaaaa..." It cried as it focused upon the pigtailed martial artist, and thoughts began trickleing through the magicly animated 

it cried
(see above)

trickling

magically

remnants of it's mind.

its
("it's" means "it is" or some similar contraction. Possessive pronouns don't get
an apostrophe: his, hers, its).

The target of this rather pitious moan quickly assumed a stance and waited for his oponent to make a move of some sort.  It was not long 

at all before the zombie, with bits of zombe flaking off, began it's attack.  "Ungggggggg!" it cried, and shuffled forward.  Ranma just stared 

its
(look for this elsewhere; I won't belabor it by pointing out every instance)

   "Uh...Guess not." Came the reply, as ranma put his arms behind his head and began playing with his pigtail, most of the other 

not," came
(see above)

Ranma
(capitalize)

looked left, then right, then back left again.  It was working on looking right again as the spell which had called it up ended, and with what 

passes for a 'what can you do?' shrug, it once again fell to the embrace of the earth.

This bit was funny.

   Ranma and Akane had an uneventfull day, as did Shampoo and company, Ukyo, and the tendos. Tatewaki Kuno however, was 

Tendos.
(capitalize)

turned into a scottsman by a flying saucer crewed by alien cake based lifeforms.  This resulted in a temporary change to shouting scottish 

Scottsman

cake-based

Scottish

instead of shakespear, and wearing a kilt.  Everyone passed it off as an unimportant Kuno development and it was never spoken of again.

Shakespeare
(though I think he only does that in the anime dubs)

Amusing story, though I'd drop the last couple of paragraphs and end it at Mr.
Bones' disintegration -- I don't think the stuff after that really adds much.



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