Further nitpicking.

One of his hands was obviously
broken. One of his teeth was obviously gone, the hole bleeding.

Two uses of the word "obviously". I noticed, because I do this a lot
when 
talking to people. It annoys the heck out of them when I keep saying
how 
obvious everything is. Maybe change one of the "obviously" to a
"clearly", 
instead?

'Obviously' is a word you, generally, want to avoid in the narrative use.
I'd skip it entirely when refering to the hands, and maybe substitute
'clearly' when talking about the missing tooth. 'Obviously' is not an
adjective, and adds about as much flavor as an extra-thick pie crust.

Sorry, analogies fail me right now.

Later,
Rick Spiff

__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam?  Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around 
http://mail.yahoo.com 

             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'