--- Andrew Petalik <wolf@magma.ca> wrote:

I got a chuckle out of the story...

Thanks! ^_^

but this last piece just doesn't 
work for me

In a throne room about half a kilometer from Sailor Venus's

residence,

Serenity massaged her temples.

Mars sighed.  "Venus again?"

Serenity nodded.

"That's, what, the fourth time this month?  I've heard about being

into

your work so much it kills you, but this is ridiculous."

Considering the build-up on how unkillable they all are, this comment
just seems out of place.

Eh?  I was trying to convey that they can be killed; it's just that
it's temporary.  Venus waking up after her suicides, the reference to
her "knitting" body, et al.  Also that, even if they were temporary,
Venus's suicides upset the others.

Would it have worked if I put in an extra sentence or two about Venus
instinctively trying to calm down Serenity - and failing, what with
Venus being the cause of her upset, then realizing this and getting
even more depressed about it?

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