Hi!

How's it going?

I wrote this some years ago, and figure I'd post it here, seeing how
it's kinda appropriate with all this talk of the lists impending death.

Yeah, well, some people thought the world was going to end on New Year's Eve 
in 2000. Personally, I will believe that the FFML is dead if and when I see 
a body. I've watched enough anime and read enough comic books not to accept 
any less evidence.

Not that a little concern is not called for, but I don't think it's 
full-fledged panic time.

I've done my part now - let me know if it was first aid or the deathblow
:).

Your part is all anyone can be expected to do. And speaking of doing it, 
let's have a little C&C! :)

***

Slayers Afterlife


Dark Lord Gaav stared down at sorceress Lina. The two held combat poses,
raw power radiating from their forms. The huge man in the orange
overcoat and the small human girl both knew that this was it, and one of
them would surely fall this time.

This is a very strong opening. Normally, I'd suggest a little more 
description, but spamfics work a little differently than normal fics. With 
less space to work in, it's more important to grab the attention and 
establish the story as fast as possible. You've done a good job of pulling 
that off, here.

Wind came from nowhere and made the long, red, spiky hair both had swing
around. Nothing else moved. Then, the sorceress suddenly surged onward
and struck out with her hand. Gaav raised his own to defend, and the
battle was on.

Sadly, I must admit that this is where the joke was ruined for me. Sorry, 
but after watched the World Rock-Paper-Scissors Championship last night (I 
wish I was kidding), my mind just lept to the obvious conclusion. However, 
you've done a good job of concealing the true nature of their combat - I was 
just unlucky enough to have recently watched a few hours of it, so I was 
thinking this way already. :(

"Paper!" "Scissors!" Linas scissors cut through Gaavs paper, dealing an

You need to break this up a little. Each time someone speaks, it should be a 
new line. Like this:

"Paper!"

"Scissors!"

Lina's scissors cut through Gaav's paper, dealing....

It just looks prettier. And yeah, I know that this is just a spamfic, but 
that is a common mistake, and a really easy one to fix. :P

Their gazes locked in a staring match. Then Gaav turned away, saying
"Hmmph! Even dragons like me will avoid you." At that moment, all hope
of avoiding a battle was lost.

For a second there, I thought that the staring match was going to be their 
second event, kind of like a decathalon of stupid challenges. Maybe followed 
by who could hold their breath longer? :)

Of course, when you can neither die or even get
tired, it's hard to establish who's a better fighter, so alternatives
had to be thought out - a year-long running battle made that abundantly
clear to everyone. But of course, when one would lose, they immediately
declared that the game hadn't been "their style", or just picked a real
fight.

I thought this part was especially awesome. It just seems so IC for both 
Lina and Gaav to be this bullheaded and stubborn - without any way to kill 
each other, they have to settle for small and petty victories, like who can 
spit the furthest. And they're both so small-minded and competitive, it 
seems probable that they might get reduced to this sort of thing eventually.

A particularly strong explosion hit Saygram, throwing Gaav's servant to
a nearby building (or what was left of it anyway). Hmm... Maybe this
wouldn't be such a bad day after all.

I've got to be honest, this ending kind of falls flat for me. The whole 
point of the joke is Lina and Gaav being stubborn - Saygram and Zelgadis are 
not really part of it. It doesn't really have anything to do with the main 
thrust of the gag: that Gaav and Lina have been reduced to really stupid, 
petty challenges because they are out of better ideas. Zel works great for 
explaining the gag, but you might want to end on something related to how 
you started: maybe by having Lina and Gaav stop fighting and choose some 
new, even stupider competition?

Anyway, it was a good spamfic all in all, and I really did enjoy it. Keep 
writing, and keep posting!

Good luck!

-Morgan Hudson



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