Huzzah! Some short comments on some short fics! :)

Hello, all. People have been saying non-Ranma stuff should be posted, so

One of the many reasons I swore off writing the stuff - I was tired of being 
in constant competition with every third fic on the list. That, and my old 
Ranma fics sucked with the force of a hundred vaccuum cleaners. I hunt down 
and destroy any copies I can find in my spare time. :)

I thought I'd whip out... ahem... post a collection of drabbles I'd
written for a LJ community called 100 Bullets.

I'm not sure, but I could *swear* you posted that Hellsing gag here before. 
Hope you don't mind if I skip that one in my review (and if anybody doesn't 
know what I mean, then go and read it! It's funny as heck, and if you 
haven't read it, it's new to you!). :)

Thought I'd dig some of them up and post them in a little collection,
just to generate some traffic that's NOT part of the big discussion.
(Though I wish DB weren't banned, one of the few C&Cs I could count on
was his.)

I miss DB already. Seems like he was just here yesterday... :)

Jokes aside, I hope he's not banned for long. Nine times out of ten, he's a 
stand-up guy and a real good fic author, besides. IMO, at least.

- Motivation -

Knives really has nothing against humanity, per se. Sure, a lot of them
are assholes, but then, there's the old adage that ninety percent of
everything is shit. They'd have been tolerable.

This is a cool look at Knives, but the present tense was really jarring to 
me. I know some people like doing it, but in a longer story I would probably 
get a headache reading this. It's good in small doses, though.

Because Knives can't stand to be copied. Because he must be unique.

That is a very interesting take on the character, actually. I like it. :)

- Bounty Claimed -

Vash just knew that someday that sixty billion double
dollars would erode somebody�s common sense and willpower to that point.
So he looks up at her. Up at her smiling face, those sweet blue eyes,
that short blonde hair.
�Sorry, dad. Life�s expensive, and being poor�s a real pain.�
He knew, but this sucks pretty hard anyway.

A very common fate for wanted men, actually. Billy the Kid and Pat Garret 
were the best of friends, once - Pat was even in Billy's gang. Jesse James 
also got done in by one of his friends (the guy was even staying at his 
house). It's always the one you least expect.

Heck, this might make a really good start to a longer fic. Although that 
makes me wonder who the mom was....

- Changes [1] -

"It's creepy," Meryl muttered darkly.
"Lots of Earth species do it," Vash replied, rocking his chair back and
forth a little. All the same, he sounded a bit unsure of himself.
"'Lots'?"
"Well. Some. Frogs. Things like that."
"Creepy."
"We're the only two Plants for hundreds of miles. It was bound to
happen," Vash whined, eyes pleading for understanding.

And *that* answers my earlier question in a number of new and disturbing 
ways. Thanks. :P

- Wolfwood's Return [2] -

"Wolfwood?!" Vash yelped, jaw agape.
"You're... alive!" Meryl added, in a squeak.
"Um... yeah, guess so." Wolfwood patted himself down a little, glancing
back and forth. "Not sure exactly how I got here, but... here I am."

This sounds like almost every Trigun fic I have ever read. Good way to poke 
fun at a recurring trend. :)

"Hi!" The woman clad in a frilly yellow dress waved at them. "It's not a
curse! I brought them back!"
"You?! Who are you?!"
"I'm the lemon fairy!" She waved her wand.
Suddenly, Vash and Meryl didn't care about 'why' anymore.

That sounds like every *other* Trigun fic I've ever read. Again, good way to 
poke fun at a trend. ;)

Meryl's cheeks flushed as a sudden remembrance of her father's automatic
rifle came to mind... the butt had been rubber-padded, the ammo clip
full, and after feeling it shake in her hands, she'd gotten the idea to-
"Y'know, Milly, let's talk about something else."

Ewwww.... I can't believe I laughed at this. I especially can't believe I 
was drinking Coke when I did it. Now my nose burns, and I am holding you 
partially responsible. :)

- Mother -

They could never know just how the two young Plants had come to be on
the ship. Why she had fought so hard for them. Even Vash could never
know just why she turned a blind eye to the way Knives was obviously
disturbed. A human mother couldn't kill a child for being disturbed...
neither could she. She hoped someday all of them... the crew, their
descendants, and perhaps most heartbreakingly, Vash himself, could
forgive her for leaving them the legacy that was Knives.
Sighing, Rem turned back to the mirror, carefully applying the hair dye
to her blonde roots.

That is just... really neat. It helps explain Rem Sayblam's motivations a 
little more clearly, at least. Again, not a bad premise for a longer story, 
but it works just as well for a shockfic.

- Sinful -

Vash stared longingly over at where Meryl was sitting with legs folded,
Wolfwood�s miniature confessional shoved on her head, the priest
kneeling in front of her. Milly blinked at Vash, then inquired, �What�s
wrong?�
�Well, Meryl has a sin to confess! I wish I had a sin to confess!�

I'm bothered by how easily I can hear Vash the Stampede saying this in my 
head. And the face I can picture him making while saying it. :)

He could have been famous at what he did. The best that this pathetic
dustball had ever seen. They would have screamed for him, instead of at
his approach. He could still hear the words of his mentor...
"Honestly, Legato, you throw that damn baseball so hard, one of these
days your arm's gonna fall off!"

I don't know why, but I thought this was perhaps the best ending to all of 
these little shorts that you did. Some of the other ones fell a little flat, 
but this one just struck me for some reason that I cannot define.

Funny, though. ^_^

"It's over. I don't love you anymore."
Sighing heavily, Milly sadly threw the pudding cup in the trash.

Okay, this one was the second best. You have a real knack for these short 
fics - the dramatic buildup, the surprise ending, the way that it all makes 
sense if you think about it for a few seconds.... I am impressed.

- Switched Sets -

Vash smiled into the dark as he felt the trim little body slide into bed
with him. He ran his hands up her back, and heard her sigh. He slipped
his hands through the soft, short hair, and started to untie her headband.
... Wait, headband?
She, too, had stopped, upon finding the grating on his chest rather than
simply scars.
Vash clicked on the light, and stared into Yuffie's face.
"... You're not Meryl."
"And you're not Squall."

Now I'm just starting to repeat myself with how cool these things are, but 
once again, I think this is one of the stronger ones. A good shortfic needs 
a little bit of a twist to it, something that surprises the reader. Comedy 
is part expectation and part surprise. You have to make the audience expect 
something, then, at the last second, give them something else. I think the 
better ones of these stories are the ones that build up our ideas of what is 
happening, and then shatters those opinions.
You have a lot of talent for building up a scene one way, and than switching 
it around on us. Kudos! ^_^

Vash panted heavily, tasting blood every time he exhaled. The ammo in
his arm was exhausted. His coat and shirt were shredded. The metal
grating on his chest had been ripped off and shoved in his shoulder.
Perhaps worst of all, his glasses were bent at a ninety degree angle,
ruined.
Riddick was sitting across from him, slumped against a wall the same
way. One side of his goggles was busted.

That last sentence seems clunky. I think it would sound better if you just 
said "His goggles were busted".

Also, I don't think you should use the term "ammo" in narration. Narrators 
should avoid slang whenever possible. Some people don't even like it when 
writers use contractions. "ammunition" is the same number of words, plus it 
has the advantage of actually being a word.

And should Riddick be wearing his goggles? I thought they were fighting in 
the dark. He usually takes those off when he fights in the dark.

Yeah, yeah I know it's a bunch of small things - they're the first things 
I've found that I could nitpick on, okay? By gosh, I'm nitpicking them! >_<

One of his hands was obviously
broken. One of his teeth was obviously gone, the hole bleeding.

Two uses of the word "obviously". I noticed, because I do this a lot when 
talking to people. It annoys the heck out of them when I keep saying how 
obvious everything is. Maybe change one of the "obviously" to a "clearly", 
instead?

Anyway, sorry I couldn't do a more in-depth commentary, and I know I'm no 
DB, but hopefully these paltry few comments did a bit of good for you. 
Thanks for posting, and good luck!

-Morgan Hudson



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