On 5/11/06, Stevenav@comcast.net <Stevenav@comcast.net> wrote:

 -------------- Original message ----------------------
From: JusenkyoGuide <jusenkyoguide@gmail.com>

Jusenkyo Productions Proudly Presents
An Ah! My Goddess FanFiction
I Want You to Be With Me Forever!
Part 1, Ah! Making a Wish for Happiness

I'll do more feedback when I get home, but for now just a couple of nits.

First, a disclaimer is needed, as is credit to the creator of the series.

AMS! is my second favorite anime and manga of all time (With #1 being El Hazard) and I definately feel that Fujishima Kosuke-san deserves credit be given him for his series.

Skuld's hammer you're right! Dang, this is the first time I have EVER
fogotten the disclaimer. ^_^;;;

SO...

Jusenkyo Productions Proudly Presents
An Ah! My Goddess FanFiction
I Want You to Be With Me Forever!

Disclaimer: Aa Megumisama is owned by Fujishima-sensei, KC Publishing,
AIC, and TBS (Japan), Dark Horse Comics, AnimEigo, Media Blasters, and
Geneon (US). I own nothing of the above, except for a whole lot of AMG
manga. I ask for forgiveness from the goddesses for the use.

Part 1, Ah! Making a Wish for Happiness

Better? *Really, I can't believe I forgot that!*

Tone:Overall I think you captured the Goddesses pretty well. Skuld was particularly in character. Too many authors paint her as the shrill little overprotective sister, when in reality she has been growing up and becoming more mature. Kudos for your portrayal of her and Urd. (Urd was very well done as well, showing both her puckish nature as well as her softer.. more goddessy side.

Thank you, I was worried about Skuld as she's my personal fav so I
have a tendancy to be too nice to her.

Megumi felt nearly spot on... particularly in the scene with him asking for her help and her reaction to the ring. Something about her feels ever so slightly off, but it could just be the coffee I'm drinking. I'm sure it'll occure to me later if it's actually there.

I have to agree. Megumi caused me trouble, namely because she only
appears in the series as small asides and rarely as the focus. If you
see anything, please let me know.

Keiichi and Bell were near perfect. I could almost hear the voices of Inoue Kikuko and  Masami Kikuchi throughout. Though, I think the "million times, yes" thing was a little over done. I think she'd more likely have been crying too hard to say more than "Yes"  a couple times by that point. Sometimes it's what isn't said that makes all the difference. But that's just me.

Probably, but I couldn't resist the line, it was just too perfect. ;-)
That and I felt sorry for Keiichi to make him wait for Belldandy to
stop crying before he got his answer.

Thank you,
JG
--
Guide of the Training Grounds of Accursed Springs

To those who feel, life is a tragedy, to those who think, it's a comedy.

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