And now some belated C&C...
Standard C&C Disclaimer: All the below is my only occasionally useful
humble opinion, my only occasionally correct grammatical and spelling
corrections, and/or my only occasionally funny humor.
Brian Randall wrote:
The port was quiet, even in the afternoon, only the sounds of the sea
lapping against the pier and the occasional gull's cry reached across
the docks.
Should be "afternoon; only" I believe.
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Diamonds in the Rough -- Chapter Fifteen -- Trouble in Paradise
Disclaimer: Paints in this story are from Rumiko Takahashi, Viz
(Ranma 1/2), TV Tokyo and Ken Akamatsu (Love Hina), and Tatsuya Egawa
(Goldenboy). The easel is mine. That's all.
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Metaphor off the starboard bow! Fire all mocking torpedoes!
"Calm down," Ranma said, shaking his head. "Look, Keitaro's not a
complete idiot; he probably just panicked. That means he's going to
call home at some point and tell us where he is -- I think you should
be there to make sure he's got someone to talk to when he does."
Not a complete idiot? Sometimes I wonder...
"Don't tell me what to do, Ranma, this is Keitaro we're worried
about! He'll get himself killed inside of ten minutes. I'm sure
he'll barely clear the harbor before he manages to fall overboard!"
Indeed.
Keitaro gazed into the sea sorrowfully, searching the depths of its
mystery for answers. How could he choke up like that at the end of
the test? He was so close! And then to be caught in a daydream and
just ... miss it?
Not a complete idiot? Ha. Yeah, right.
"Wait, what was I thinking?" Keitaro berated himself, leaping after
the articles with martial skill and deftly snatching them from the
air. "Hah!" Then he looked down. "WHY ME?"
Because you're a complete idiot, Keitaro.
Keitaro felt sluggish and fevered, as though a great, warm weight was
being pressed onto him. "Ugh," he groaned. "What's going on?"
"Keitaro," a giggling, effeminate voice called. "Keitaro!"
"Who ... Naru? Is that you?" he asked, struggling to see what was
about him. From the formless black that filled his vision, he saw
her, a speck of white light drawing closer from a long distance away.
"What ... what's going on?"
"Keitaro! Listen to me, you need to do me a favor, okay?" Naru said,
as she drew closer and wrapped her arms around Keitaro's body.
"W...what?" he asked, bewildered.
"Do you want to become one with me, in body and soul?"
Wait, Evangelion isn't listed up there in the subject line. Ah well.
"I won't lie to you, Keitaro," Seta said, flicking his cigarette into
the fire, and turning very solemn. "They were smuggling bananas. And
nature has yet to invent a creature that fights as fiercely as a
cornered banana smuggler."
...
"Dig, mostly," Seta said, shrugging. "The vast majority of the
banana-bandits have turned themselves in because desert life is hard.
I don't think we'll run into any of them, but it'll be good to have
backup, just in case we do. You've been training under Ranma, right?
You can practice with me, too."
Hee. "Banana-bandits."
"Huh," Ranma mused, rubbing his chin as he studied the camp. "This
is getting ... weird."
_Getting_ weird? At what point was it not weird? :)
Nodding to himself, he perused the board further, pausing when he
found a mirror. Why would someone put a mirror on a bulletin board?
And then scribble, "Missing person. Contact Narusegawa Naru at
'Pararakelse North Hotel' with information if found," on it?
*glances at length of chapter remaining* Somehow, I doubt it will be
that easy.
"He said, 'I'm outside of the inn, so it's okay to smack me around
for being an idiot'," Naru replied.
Ranma cocked her head to one side, and considered this. "I'm
guessing he spelled it differently?" she asked.
Heh.
"Uh, Suu, writing Keitaro's name on a piece of tape and sticking it
over someone else's name doesn't get him into the school," Mitsune
said, ruffling the girl's hair.
"And it's somewhat rude to whomever has their name behind the tape,"
Motoko said, frowning at Suu as she peeled it off. "Really, you
should apologize to this," she turned to look at the name beneath the
tape, "'Urashima Keitaro' person."
Motoko froze, halfway turned back to look at the other girls, and
blinked. "That name ... seems ... very familiar," she said slowly.
"No way!" Mitsune exclaimed. "There's another guy in town with the
same name! What are the odds?"
"No, no," Shinobu protested. "That's him! That's the ticket number
Oe-san gave us!"
...okay, so I'm not sure I'm grasping the logistics of this scene.
Correct me if I'm wrong:
They're looking for everybody's names and numbers, find everyone's
except Keitaro's, which _are_, however, on there. Suu then writes
Keitaro's info on a piece of tape and adds it to the list, taping over
Keitaro's actual place on the list without noticing it.
It's funny, I suppose, but it really just seems to be... stretching to me.
"Yeah, we just need him to- Say, didn't Ranma say he found Keitaro's
ticket?" Mitsune asked.
"And yet, they have not found Keitaro himself," Motoko said slowly.
"This bodes ill."
Indeed.
Ranma shook his head, and grimaced at her. "I ... feel something I
haven't sensed in years," he mumbled, his eyes seeming unfocused.
"...Obi-Wan Kenobi."
He cut off suddenly, his eyes widening. Shinobu looked around, but
couldn't see anything out of the ordinary. She could distantly hear
the sound of something ... a keen whistle, like something flying
through the air quickly. She blinked, wondering if it was all a
mirage, as a large red bamboo umbrella spun into view from behind a
sand dune, handle pointing down, edges flaring outward, straight
across the sand in a line towards the bandits.
Aha.
The desert hero grunted, and shook his head. "You should atone for
what you have done," he said. "Some of us ... do not have that
option. Now go."
Ooh, ominous.
"I can ... his ... ugh." Ranma shook his head. "Martial artists can
often sense the ki of other martial artists they know well. He's been
on this island for a while -- I can sense him all over it! But ...
it's so fleeting ... so vague. Where the hell is he?"
Ryouga: Arizona?
A:) I've always wanted to do this. Remember way back in the day,
when it was 'cool' to make fun of the fact that there was a flashback
coming? Me neither. But I remember that people did it anyway, and
now I get to, as well: Next chapter is a few pounds of raw flashback,
seasoned with a bit of rehash, and then simmered in a fine stew of new
bits. Very little humor, however! So be warned.
Yay! Flashback time!
II:) This chapter was originally two parts, but they were both very
short, so I decided that you're just going to have to accept this
chapter as the spring special. Sorry!
Well, it was certainly appropriately epic.
pi:) This is pretty much leading into the final arc of the story,
which should end by chapter 18 at the most, I think. Flashback,
resolution. Maybe a handful of epilogues.
Yeah, it definitely feels like we're moving into endgame territory here.
Eh, pretty few comments for such an eventful chapter, but my C&C muse is
a wily thing that's never around when I need it.
It's another good chapter, and I'm looking forward to the next one.