G'day again!

Rantage first. Got some commentary on the previous chapters that Arby's
characterization may have been a bit excessive, and his dialogue's painful to
read and such.  So... I may modify a few of the choppy bits in future chapters
such that it's the translation from his unique brand of Cockney into
dictionary-perfect English.  One reader was actually hoping for a version of
NETTG without any ArbyFish in it.  ^_^

But... NETTG without ArbyFish?  That'd be like having a flambe without lighting
it on fire!  Wouldn't be proper.  Gotta take your silliness with the story. 
Else there'd be no ups and downs and such.  But... if I wrote NETTG in pure
seriousness, with lots of dark, it'd be a radically different creature.  Much
more depressing, and perhaps WAFFy in parts.

Later on, the story does turn sort of dark-ish.  Larry F, who works with me on
the comic and hosts my fanfics, warned me to warn the readers that this story
isn't quite like your typical NETTG.  It's like reaching for a drink and
expecting kool-aid, he mentioned, only to discover that it's been spiked with
Everclear.  The story at the end is quite different than the story when it
starts.  The one codenamed Chesu, who works on the sprite comic, says it's like
it was written by 14 different people.  I fear I may have employed different
personalities in a similar way to how some of my own characters have difficulty
sorting out their thoughts.


Now a bit about the story where it's at.  Terra Incognita started as a ditzy
girl without working access to much of her brain.  That changed radically when
the Star Light Knight came up and whacked her in the forehead with a
gas-powered electric guitar, unsealing the portions of her mind that had been
locked away.  Now, she's become a magical girl of the classic sort.  She even
has a cute animal sidekick to boot!

Unfortunately, this magical girl doesn't get a very helpful assistant.  She
would have absolutely LOVED to have someone like Luna or Artemis to work and
reason with.  She would have done well with someone such as Makona, and would
have done great things with a creature like Ryo-Ohki....  Had she had been
given the opportunity to work with Yuuno from Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha (who
can freeze time, trap enemies, travel through dimensions, use esoteric magic,
and who's really a cute boy, to boot!), Terra would have been eternally
grateful....

However, she's not that lucky.  This is NETTG, so that means she has to work
with Arby the ArbyFish.

Arby(snuggles up to Terra):  Roight!  We'z gonna be CHUMS, we is!
Terra(cries)

I know, I'm mean.  And it only gets worse. ^_^

Having said that, I continue to present...


Nuke 'Em 'Till They Glow!!
Terra in Tokyo

---Chapter 3:  Whack the Negamafoozles!

	As Terra rushed toward the burning jewelry shop, a part of her mind chided her
for not having called the police or fire department.  Another part of her
psyche retorted by saying that if the building was on fire, the automatic
systems would have already tripped alarms, not to mention any passers-by that
might have already called.

	No, as Sailor Chibimoon, she'd have a different task ahead of her, namely that
of eliminating any monsters that might impede the progress of the fire
department when they arrived.  In the words of the ArbyFish that flew closely
behind her, there'd be Negamafoozles, and she'd have to whack them.

	What kind of a name for a group of villains was Negamafoozles, anyway? she
pondered.  Weren't real villains supposed to have some sort of dashing,
frightening name?  The Legions of Darkness, now those would be awesome to fight
against, or even the Xenon Predators.  Something fearsome to honorably fight
against, and become known as a heroine throughout the land.

	Searching her feelings, she discovered that despite half-abandoning her
superstar idol model dreams, she still craved for a bit of fame.  She wanted to
make a difference in the world, and get recognized for it.  Power to change
things, skill to do them well and in an impressive manner, and notoriety gained
by those virtues.  The life of an adventurer was what she craved, and it was a
kind of life she would easily be denied of in this modern, dull society.

	On the other hand, she considered as she glanced down and fingered the material
of her skirt, Sailor Chibimoon wasn't quite the right name for the best and
brightest of heroines.  Even being called Supergirl would have been an
improvement over what amounted to "Mini-Moon."  Plus, where there were great
battles, people got hurt, most especially the key players in them.  And when it
was all over, sometimes all that was left was an empty battlefield and razed
landscapes.  There really was no good point to fighting, in the end.

	On second thought, maybe she really didn't want to be a heroine.

	"No!"  Terra shook her head and fought to regain her determination.  "Naru's in
trouble, and I have to save her."  Besides, even if all that was left in the end
was a blackened landscape, not fighting at all would be much worse.  After all,
that's why the fighters were willing to leave behind razed villages in the
first place:  in giving up, what the enemy could do to you paled in comparison
dying in battle.  It was this line of reasoning that brought forth a certain
battle cry.

	"VICTORY OR DEATH!" Sailor Chibimoon shouted as she charged into the burning
Osa-P, a fist raised above her head.

	People were passed out all over the place--customers from earlier, having
fallen prey to their energy-draining jewelry.  Amidst charred debris and
shattered glass, a withered monster grasped Naru by the neck, squeezing and
extracting a fine white mist from her body.

	"Stop right there!" Terra shouted at the monster.

	"What?" the monster said, turning its neck around one hundred eighty degrees. 
"Who are you?!"

	Terra took a deep breath.  She had been waiting for this.  It was time to pick
a new secret superheroine name she could be proud of, one much better than the
one she'd been given.  "I am... the Eternal Warrior, the Defender of the Earth
and Paladin of Justice.  In the name of my ancestors and the honor of the
righteous, I am the Holy Warrior --"

	"Nope!  Don't listen to 'er," Arby interrupted, fluttering in front of her. 
"She's really just th' Li'l Anklebiter, Sailor Chibi-moon."

	"Little Anklebiter Sailor Chibimoon!" Naru choked.  There were just some
things, apparently, that one must balk at, no matter how short of breath one
may be.  "What kind of superheroine name is that?!"

	Chibimoon glared at Arby, who smiled pleasantly in return.

	"Wot?" Arby asked innocently.  "Yew's QUOITE chibby, yew is!  Oye'z seen you,
packin' away all that oyce cream."

	"No you haven't!"

	"Well, Oye MOIGHT 'ave."

	"...Anklebiter?!"

	"A'course!"

	"Then, 'Sailor Chibimoon,'" screeched the monster, "you will die along with
her!"  It released its grip and dove at Terra, but then slowed down and smiled
a fanged grin.  "No, I know your type.  I've got something much better in
mind."  It raised its claws high and, amidst the burning wreckage, the former
customers arose with evil grins and vacant eyes.  "Perish by the hands of your
fellow humans!"

	"Oh my," breathed Terra.  She hadn't counted on demonic possession. 
Energy-draining monsters with claws she could deal with, but innocent people
being forced to attack her?  That... that, well, simply wasn't proper.  It
wasn't very nice, either.

	Sailor Chibimoon turned around and bolted, the possessed victims in hot
pursuit.  Arby grabbed onto her trailing hair as she fled.

	The Negamafoozle turned back to Naru.  "Now, where were we?  Oh, yes.  I was
going to take your energy, and you were going to die."

	"Some rescue that turned out to be," Naru muttered as she backed away, nearly
tripping over burning debris.

	"Stop right there!" another girl's voice shouted from the entranceway.

	"What NOW?!" cried the monster, turning to face the new silhouette in the
doorway.

	"I am... Sailor Moon, Champion of Justice!  I right wrongs and punish evil, and
in the name of the Moon, you're punished!"

	Naru sighed.  "Oh dear, here we go again."

---

	While this "heroine" thing hadn't gone as well as Terra had hoped, she still
wouldn't have felt nearly as bad if her strange new mascot wouldn't keep
taunting her about it.

	"Wot koind a' chicken is yew?" Arby inquired while hopping on the girl's head. 
"Froied chicken?  Baked chicken?  Roast chicken?  Curry chicken--"

	"You're not helping, Arby!" Terra panted.

	"Well, yew's a chicken a' sum koind, isn't'chew?  Ya's runnin' loike one.  Left
a yellow streak trailin' CLEAN back ta Oyereland, yew did!"

	"There was nothing I could do!  And look, they're after me!"  Despite the girl
having sprinted away, the possessed people had kept up with her quite well. 
During the chase, her mind kicked back in again and started thinking, informing
her that she couldn't run forever.  She wasn't overweight or anything, but she
didn't exercise much and wasn't in the best of athletic form.  Plus, she didn't
feel any different than she did before "transforming."  If she got any powers
from it, she certainly couldn't feel them.  What she got amounted to basically
just a costume--and not much of a costume, at that.  It was more like what
young gold-digging Japanese socialites might wear to impress rich, lecherous
old men that might happen to pass their way.  Actually, if that were the case,
then....

	Terra grimaced.  "ARBY!  WHAT HAVE YOU GOTTEN ME INTO!?!?"

	The ArbyFish fluttered in front of her as she ran, smiling the same catlike
grin he always wore.  "Oh, well, ya's gots ta dress up teenage girls in
miniskirts and send 'em out ta foight Negamafoozles.  Wot'd th' ten'acle
monsters do if we didn't?  Can't 'ave cheerful li'l snorts goin' about their
daily loives wi'out a roight noice challenge ta prove their worth.  Then they'd
get awl stuck up n' worry about makeup n' gettin' good grades in school, gettin'
a good job... can't 'ave that!  Wouldn't be proppa' if we did!"

	"You had better be joking!"

	"Well Oye moight be.  If ya really wanted me ta be, y'see."

	Finally, Chibimoon's stamina ran out.  Leaning over against her legs and
gasping for breath, she slowed to a halt.

	Arby perched on Terra's shoulder.  "Loike Oye said, yew's quite chibby, yew is.
 Just a li'l froied chibby sushi."

	Terra wanted to cry.  She was out of breath, being chased by innocent people
controlled by an evil force, and she'd just left a friend to die.  It was
horrible.  Still, she wished Arby would quit rubbing it in.

	"Yew cawls that croyin'?  'Ere, OYE'LL give ya somethin' ta croie about!"  The
ArbyFish in question spit on his flipper and rubbed it onto the girl's neck. 
"Don't wash that," he advised when he had finished.

	"What?!"  Terra's confusion grew.  "AAAH!"  Her neck burned with an
extraordinary pain.  The burn spread to her forehead and her eyes were blinded
for a moment.  She wept from the shock and sank to her knees.  "Wha... what did
you go and do that for?!"

	"Sendin' a distress signal," Arby explained.

	"Causing me pain and making me cry?!"

	"A'course!  Perfectly proppa' procedure.  Can't make a mushroom wi'out breakin'
a few 'eads."

	Terra stared at him.  His statement made very little sense indeed.  She saw the
possessed horde draw near, but that's when something wonderful happened.

	There was a flash and a red, long-stemmed rose embedded itself into the asphalt
between her and the possessed people.  High in the air, atop a lamppost, stood a
masked man in a tuxedo.  The mask didn't hide too much--it covered his eyes but
still left much of his face exposed--but that was enough to conceal his
identity... not that Terra would recognize him anyway, just having come to
town.

	The advancing horde stopped and looked up towards him.

	Something about his appearance made him seem incredibly attractive to Sailor
Chibimoon.  She was a little farsighted--she might even need reading glasses in
a few years--so she had no trouble seeing the concerned expression the man wore.

	"Who are you?" Chibimoon inquired.

	"I am Tuxedo Kamen," the man replied.  "Believe in yourself, Sailor... Moon?"

	Terra nodded.  "Yes.  Chibimoon.  How did you know?"

	"That's not important," Tuxedo Kamen said quickly.  "But what is important is
that you have the power to stop them if you only believe in yourself--"

	One possessed woman chucked her heavy purse at him and hit him squarely on the
chest.

	"OOOF!"

	The masked man fell off the lampost, but reacted quickly to roll into his fall
and landed without any harm.  He got back up and was about to fade into the
all-concealing shadows when the group of mindless drones fell upon him en
masse.

	"Tuxedo Kamen," Chibimoon repeated dreamily to herself.  Her mind once again
lay dormant as she watched him struggle against his attackers.  "Yay, Tuxedo
Kamen!  Go for it!  All right!!!"  Looking at her eyes, one might have imagined
that they were beating hearts, full of love for her rescuer.

	"GAARGH!" the man yelled as he was beaten in sensitive areas and mercilessly
clawed at.  He took out his cane and frantically retaliated.  His jacket got
ripped off and his shirt torn in the violent scuffle.

	Now, Terra liked a good-looking guy in a tuxedo.  If somewhere along the line,
he mystically ended up wearing less than that, so much the better.  She
continued cheering him on.  Part of her mind reactivated and wished that she
had a camera.

	The clicking next to her drew her attention and she saw Arby focusing in on the
battle with a large mushroom with a lens in it and labeled indentations on the
side that he kept pushing.

	"How ingenious.  A 'mush-camera,'" Terra whispered.  "Promise me you'll give me
copies of those pictures."

	"Roight!"  Arby nodded.  "Oye'll 'ave 'em ready at th' gift shop in less n' a
week."

	"Gift shop?"

	"Well ya gotta sell postcards.  Wot'd th' economy do if we didn't?"

	"Ahh, the economy.  Right."  Chibimoon started to think about that, but then
shrugged and decided against it.  Life was considerably less painful around
Arby if she didn't think too hard about anything he said.  Turning back to
Tuxedo Kamen, she saw that despite him missing most of his shirt, he still had
his top hat and mask on.  "Ooooh, beefcake!"

	Despite having knocked out a couple dozen people, there were still a large
number of attackers Tuxedo Kamen still had to deal with.

	"Arby?" Terra asked.  "Is there any way I can help him?"

	"Well, a'course!"  Arby handed her the "Moon Prism Power for Dummies" brochure.

	Sailor Chibimoon took it and flipped through it.  "Hey, it says here I pull out
my wand and say, 'Pink Sugar Heart Attack.'"

	"In-deed!"

	"But Arby, you didn't give me a wand!"

	"Is yew loicensed for one?"

	"I... don't think so."

	"Well, then, we can't very well be givin' yew a wand if ya's not loicensed for
it.  A wand's a deadly weapon, it is.  Ya could get foined for carryin'
somethin' loike that."  He handed Terra a large mushroom.  "'Ere, troie this
instead."

	"This?"  The sailor-suited attempted heroine took the giant 'shroom and pointed
it at the possessees.  "This isn't going to hurt them is it?  Pink Sugar Heart
Attack?"

	Nothing happened.

	"Nope," said Arby.  "Just a portobello."

	Terra gave the ArbyFish a meaningful, unflattering look as she beaned him on
the head with the mushroom, which squelched in response, leapt out of her
hands, and ran off into the bushes.

	"An 'orribly mutated portobello," Arby explained proudly.  "It'll burrow unda'
th' ground now n' start subterranean colonies."

	"Wha... but... no!  No, that's not... right?"  Terra gave up and stopped
thinking for the moment.  She turned and saw her rescuer knock out the last of
their attackers.  "Way to go, Tuxedo Kamen!  You won!  I knew you could!"

	Tuxedo Kamen looked at her strangely.  He had a few cuts on his bare chest, his
mask was hanging at an angle, and he looked about ready to fall over.  Terra ran
over to support him.  She took his arm and put it behind her neck, effectively
helping him support his weight.

	"Thank you so much for rescuing me!" the girl beamed at him.  He smelled nice,
too, she noted to herself.  He was good-looking, heroic, and liked formal wear.
 All in all, this fit well into her definition of a "cute boy."  She wondered if
she should call home and get her mother to fill out that permission slip before
she could bring him over to visit.

	Tuxedo Kamen regained his breath and stood up tall under his own strength. 
"Thank you, Sailor Moon--"

	"Chibimoon," Terra corrected.

	"--Sailor Chibimoon.  This is obviously your first time at this.  But what I
said was true.  If you believe in yourself--and perhaps train a bit--you can
beat any enemy.  These people here will be all right when they wake up."  The
man looked a little chagrined.  "But next time, please do some of the fighting
yourself."

	The redhead quickly nodded.  "Yes, yes, of course!"

	"Now I must go," Tuxedo Kamen said as he walked out of the radius of the
lamplight, and disappeared into the night.

	"What a nice guy," Terra whispered to herself.  Her mind kicked back in and
informed her that maybe, perhaps, she should go back to the Osa-P to see if
there was still a chance to save Naru.  Of course, after all the time she just
took, the place would have burned down without help.  "Naru...."

---

	Tuxedo Kamen's head hurt, and not just because of all the heavy briefcases and
purses he had been hit with.  On his quest to find himself, he had suddenly
felt the incredible urge to protect someone--someone very important to him and
key to unlocking his memories.

	Her name, he somehow knew, would be Sailor Moon.  The perky redhead he'd
encountered hadn't been at all what he expected.  He thought he'd find some
sort of typical damsel in distress, not an incompetent, cowardly Sailor Senshi.
 Still, if protecting her would help him uncover his past, he would do it
without hesitation.

	The pillar of light that came from her--a beacon of sorts--had been
unmistakable, though.  She had the sort of power that could help him.  At least
now, he knew who to look for.  As he thought about this, his own mind seemed to
waver and fade, and he woke up as Chiba Mamoru, in bed in his apartment.

	"Weird dream," he moaned.  "VERY weird dream."

	Then he saw the gashes on his body from the fight.  "GAH!"

---

	"Wow, Sailor Moon," Naru gushed, stars in her eyes.  "Not only did you manage
to destroy the youma and rescue me, but you also dashed into the fire, broke
into the safe, and rescued my mother who was being held there!"

	Sailor Moon brushed back one of her ankle-length blonde ponytails and blushed. 
"Aww, it was nothing."

	Naru turned towards the Knight in green Shining Armor, adding, "And when that
monster called for its master, who opened a gate and summoned dozens of evil
creatures into our dimension... Star Light Knight, it was really incredible
when you pulled out that huge gun and blasted them all to kingdom come.  And
taking on their master like that?  I thought you'd have been a goner, but no,
you sent him running back to his home dimension with his tail between his
legs!"

	The Star Light Knight blew the smoke off the barrel of his large gatling
weapon, hefting it on his shoulder.  "We really went ahead and kicked some
righteous donkey, didn't we, Sailor Moon!?"  He high-fived the blonde Sailor
Senshi by whom he stood.

	"Thank you for helping me, Star Light Knight!" Sailor Moon squealed with
gratitude.

	"Anyway, it's been fun," S.L.K. said, patting his companion on her back.  He
gave her a kiss on the forehead and began to walk off.  "See you some other
night, okay, kid?"

	Sailor Moon giggled and hopped up and down for joy.  "All right!  It's a
promise!"  She calmed down when the tall man vanished into the darkness.  "What
a great guy...."

	"Don't worry about the mess," Naru added, indicating the burned-down ruins of
the Osa-P.  "We're fully insured.  Mom and I are safe, and that's what
matters."

	The cat standing next to Sailor Moon tugged on the rim of her blue boot. 
"A-hem!"

	"Oh, right!" Sailor Moon whispered back.  She saluted Naru.  "Anyway, we have
to be going now, but... wherever there's evil youma to fight, we'll be there. 
Wherever there's people in trouble, we'll be there!"  She started to back off. 
"I am Sailor Moon, and... aaah!"  She tripped over backwards into the bushes at
the edge of the sidewalk, tumbled down the hill, and fell out of sight.

	"Now THAT's a superheroine," Naru commented.  She turned towards her mother. 
"Hey Mom, think we should find a hotel, or go visit my uncle Al?"

	Mrs. Osaka was just recovering from the shock of it all.  "Hmm.  Your uncle
Al's still in New Mexico working on some top secret project again, so let's
find a hotel instead."

---

	In the distance, Sailor Chibimoon saw Naru and her mother get in their car and
calmly drive off.  The pink-sailor-suited girl sighed in relief.  "Good. 
They're all right."

	Arby fluttered up next to her and grinned.  "Yup!  No thanks ta yew.  Left 'em
'oigh n' droie, yew did!"

	"Let it go already!"

	The ArbyFish fluttered barely out of reach.  "Nope!  Gotta remoind ya 'bout
this for th' rest a 'your loife.  Otha'woise, ya'll neva' learn."

	"Learn what?"

	Arby shrugged.  "Oye dunno.  'Spose yew could learn somethin' from it.  Yew's
th' one with th' opposable thumbs."

	"What do opposable thumbs have to do with it?"

	"Mushrooms, a'course!  Mushrooms!"  He took out a plain dinner mushroom and
demonstrated it to her.

	"What do... no!  You're changing the subject again."

	"Oye iz not.  It's a roight noice mushroom, it is!"

	Terra ran her hand through her hair in exasperation.  Her fingers collided with
one of the jeweled barettes.  "You know, you make it so hard to think--"

	Down the small hill, out of the bushes, tumbled Sailor Moon, whose forehead
collided with Chibimoon's.

	Terra staggered from the blow.  The other girl fell onto her back.  Both held
their heads and cried in unison, "WAAAAAAAAAH!!!"

	"Oh, yew's good at that," Arby commented, and fluttered off.

	Chibimoon tried to focus on the other girl.  "Who are you?"

	Sailor Moon blinked, dazed as she tried to sit up.  "That's a good question. 
Who am I?"

	A cat jumped out behind her and said, "Sailor Moon!"

	The blonde nodded in sudden remembrance.  "Ooooh, right!  I'm Sailor Moon."

	Terra frowned.  A cat had just talked in her presence.  One part of her mind
slapped the other part and retorted that she shouldn't be shocked at all about
a cat talking.  After all, she'd just met her first talking, flying,
mushroom-obsessed ArbyFish.  Anything after that really ought not to faze her. 
Besides, when she was young, she'd been ill now and again and sometimes had to
take strong medicine--seen talking Frisbees--so surprise really was out of the
question.

	"But," Terra whispered.  No buts this time, she had to keep her wits about
herself.  "You're Sailor Moon?"  The other girl nodded, but Chibimoon stared at
her face for a few seconds.  She looked awfully familiar, but there was
something extra shrouding proper examination and recollection of her face.  She
could see the expression without a problem, but identifying details kept getting
dismissed.  It was as if key impressions kept getting pulled straight out of her
mind.

	All right, Terra told herself, it was time to put her brains to good use.  She
traced the path of Sailor Moon's face from the hair, where it was easy to view
what was real, to the eyes and nose, where it was like the whole view was
encrypted somehow.  Thinking of it that way seemed very odd to the Irish
redhead, since encryption just sounded like a very fancy way of putting someone
in the ground, like inhumation, but it was the term her mind provided for her.

	"Uh, hey," Sailor Moon said, nervously backing off, "why are you looking at me
like that?"

	"Don't I know you from somewhere?"  Chibimoon focused in more intensely.  Then,
her eyes broke the disguise code and saw right through it.  To her, it was
surprising who Sailor Moon ended up being.  "Usagi?!"

	Usagi gasped.  "Umm, no, no, you must be mistaking me for... aww, nuts."  At
Terra's focused, smiling expression, she gave up.  "How did you guess?  Who are
you?"

	"It was more a lucky guess than anything else," Terra said in order to not
complicate matters further.  She could explain later, if it came down to it. 
"I'm Terra, Sailor Chibimoon."

	"Sailor Chibimoon?!" the cat asked.  "Where did you come from?"

	"Ireland?" Terra replied, but then wished she hadn't.  Saying it like that was
more of a smart-alec response she'd expect from Arby.  She hadn't been brought
up to act like that, even around talking cats.  Especially around talking cats,
because, well, you never know.

	"Terra?" Usagi asked.  "But the only Terra I know is some strange foreign
exchange student...."

	"I fainted yesterday and you had to bring me home," Terra said.  "Yeah, that's
me."

	"Terra-chan!" Usagi greeted in a cheerful, high-pitched voice.  She held up her
cat.  "This is Luna.  She gave me a brooch, and I got to help fight evil things,
and I met this neat guy!"

	"Hi, Luna!" Terra greeted enthusiastically.  "I'm Terra."

	"Ermh," Luna said akwardly, "hello."

	"Wow," whispered Sailor Moon, looking Terra over, "so you're a Sailor Scout,
too?"

	"Sailor Scouts?  Is that what we're called?"  Eeww, thought Terra.  That was
such a dorky organizational name.  The Counsel of Justice she could take, or
even the Defenders of Peace and Love, but Sailor Scouts?  She knew a boy once
that was a member of the Boy Scouts of Ireland, but all he could do was try to
impress her with all the amazing knots he could tie.  They were nice knots and
all, but hardly the stuff true heroism was made of.  "How about we go by
something more dramatic, like... Ultra Knight Sabers?"

	Sailor Moon wrinkled her nose at that.  She obviously didn't like that.  "Yuck!
 At least keep 'Sailor' in."

	Terra sighed.  She knew Usagi was right.  It wouldn't be proper to run around
in a skimpy sailor suit without being called Sailor one thing or another. 
"Sailor Knight Sabers?"

	"Naaah...."

	"Sailor Commandos?" Chibimoon tried to bargain again.

	"Sailor Soldiers?" Usagi conceded.

	Terra smiled.  "Deal."

	The cat raised a paw.  "Err, before you two go on and change everything we
stand for, I'd really like to know how this happened."

	"Ummm."  The redhead tried to condense her experiences starting with the Star
Light Knight through Arby, Tuxedo Kamen, and finally to where she stood now. 
Words simply could not cram that much information into a couple small
sentences.  "Despite all evidence to the contrary standing in front of me right
now, I don't think you'd believe me if I told you."

	"Try me," Luna pressed.

	"Well, you see," Terra began, "it all started with this guy, who hit me with a
gas-powered electric guitar, and then later I met this thing, that gave me this
brooch, and made me read brochures and fill out forms.  Then I went to try to
help Naru, only I... had to retreat, and then I met this nice man, who saved me
from all the people who were possessed by this one monster.  Did you get all
that?"

	"You lost me," Usagi choked, "at the gas-powered electric guitar."

	"Brochures?" wondered Luna.

	Sailor Chibimoon yawned.  Fatigue was finally setting in.  A combination of
jetlag and physical exhaustion had started to take its toll and demanded to be
repaid with interest.  "It really is a long story, so can I meet up with you
tomorrow sometime, like after school?  I'm kind of tired."

	Luna and Usagi looked at each other, then back at Terra.

	"Fine with me," said Usagi.

	"Tomorrow, then," added Terra.  "I need to get some sleep.  Good night, you
two."

	When the Irish girl had finally departed, Luna and Usagi headed home as well.

	"What luck!" Luna said.  "Our first night and we've already found another
Sailor Scout--"

	"Soldier."

	"Ah, yes, whatever.  Of course, we shall have to verify her identity and find
out who awakened her or by what means she discovered her powers.  We're going
to need a lot of allies in our fight against the Dark Kingdom."

	"What about the Star Light Knight?"

	"He's something of an enigma.  We'll need to keep our eyes open, but I for one
am glad he was there to help tonight."

	Usagi sighed dreamily.  "Yeah, me too."

---

	The Star Light Knight, in invisibility mode, surveyed the wreckage of the Osa-P
jewelry store.

	Sailor Moon!  He couldn't believe that Arby had saddled Terra with full-on
Sailor Moon powers.  Those abilities always did weird things to peoples' hair. 
He knew Terra supposedly liked ponytails, so she probably wouldn't care about
that, but still, the whole thing could make the road to unification that much
more difficult.

	At least, he thought wryly, she had a decent attack.

	"Moon Tiara Magic?!" he shouted back at himself.  "What kind of attack is
that?"

	"A fashion move," he replied.  "They're fairly rare.  I haven't seen one of
those in such a long time."

	"Not since L--"

	"Don't bring her up again.  She's gone, and I'm alive.  Let's look forward to
the future, shall we?"

	"Very well.  For the immediate future... it'll be no good bugging Terra at home
or school.  She hates me when I interfere like that.  Let's just work with her
during battles.  She doesn't seem to mind quite as much."

	"Yeah, she likes me when we're fighting together."

	"We'll have to do it more often."

	"Yeah..."

	"Maybe we should stir up the ol' hornet's nest some more to make sure we can
fight alongside her more often."

	"But not too often.  She needs rest to recover her strength after a battle."

	"Well, yes, frequently, but not so much that she can't stand back up, right?"

	"Right."

	S.L.K. looked around.  "But in the meantime, where do I go?"  He sighed.  "I
miss my old base.  Takes too much energy to teleport all the way over there
now.  Oh well."

---

	Sailor Chibimoon finally made it home, waved to her mother as she walked in,
and headed upstairs to her room.  In front of her mirror, she attempted to
remove her fuku, but discovered that her outfit changed back to normal if she
just pulled the brooch off her bow.  She nodded to herself, satisfied by her
discovery, then turned and flopped down on her bed, exhausted.

	"I should exercise more," Terra told herself, but it was her mind speaking; her
words didn't really come from the heart.  She sighed.  "That was a rough night,
and school's early tomorrow.  I'm just glad I got my homework done!"

	A slimy munching noise on the floor drew the girl's attention.  She peeked over
the edge of her bed and saw her bookbag crawling with oozing, squelching
mushrooms.  "AAAH!"  Most notably being consumed were her books and her
homework.

	Terra frantically kicked the mutated fungoids off and threw them out the
window.  "No!  It's ruined!  And these were worksheets!  There's no way I can
redo these now."  It wasn't like she could redraw everything.  Despite recent
improvements, her memory wasn't quite THAT good.

	Thoroughly depressed, Terra headed over to the bathroom to wash off her hands. 
She ran the water and looked into the mirror.  She stopped when she saw a green
mushroom-shaped mark on her neck where Arby had rubbed in a bit of spit during
the fight.  She took some water and rubbed at it, but it stung pretty badly as
she did, so she decided to stop for the moment.  Vaguely, she recalled Arby's
warning not to wash it.

	"Aye yai yai, what next?" she wondered.  Shrugging, Terra took the soap and did
the best to clean off her hands.

	"'Ello, madam," the soap said.

	The girl glanced down at it.

	It was Arby.

	"GAH!"

	"'Ello, sez Oye ta Yew ta Me n' Yew back in return!"

	"Arby, your mushrooms destroyed my homework!  And ate my bag!"

	"Ey, they wos 'ungry!  Besoides, can't 'ave 'em raid yer refrigera'or.  That'd
be rude!  Gotta eat yer 'omework, wot koinda pets'd they be if they didn't?"

	"Mutated mushrooms?  They're not pets.  They're pests!"

	The ArbyFish fluttered onto her shoulder and replied, "A'course!  Quoite
proppa' pests, they is.  We'z gonna 'ave a roight noice infestation in th'
basement in a couple a' weeks!"

	"Arby, that's horrible!"

	"No, no, no, it's perfectly proppa'.  It's Survival of th' Fittest!"  He said
the last phrase proudly, as if it were some sort of marketing buzzword. 
"Natural evolution at it's foinest."

	"There's nothing natural about it!"

	"Well, there moight be."

	"Argh!  You're very troublesome, you know that?"

	"In-deed!"  His work apparently done for now, he fluttered out the window,
leaving Terra a sack full of confusion in his wake.

	"Oh, it's a Sack o' Confusion," Arby called back.  "Koinda loike a Bag a'
'Olding."

	The girl walked over and picked up the container.  It was about the right size
to replace her destroyed bookbag, but would it contain any more unpleasant
surprises?

	Terra could only shake her head and sigh sadly.  Intelligence, it seemed, came
with a very high price.  For her, that price was an ArbyFish.  "Was it really
worth it?" she wondered, looking out at the stars.

---

	The next day, at school, Terra still had drag her new, potentially dangerous
bookbag to school and explain her distinct lack of homework to her teacher.

	Haruna-sensei tapped her feet impatiently.  "Well?  What happened to your
homework, if you finished it?"

	Terra fidgeted uncomfortably.  "Umm... my ArbyFish grew mold on it and fed it
to his pet mushrooms?"

	The woman stared at Terra for a while.  "You know," she finally said, "that's
the strangest excuse I've heard all week.  Well, second to what Usagi just told
me."

	"But it's true!" Usagi interjected.  "Aliens DID abduct my homework!  It's
probably out in the middle of a cornfield by now, naked, beaten, and lonely! 
Don't you have any sympathy?!"

	Haruna-sensei chuckled maniacally.  "Oh, yes, I have sympathy."  She pointed at
the door.  "Both of you, take these buckets, wear these signs, and stand out in
the hall."

	Both girls sighed and decided not to debate it.  They complied with their
teacher's unreasonable demands and went out into the hallway for their
mandatory embarrassment session.

	"So," Usagi eventually whispered, keeping her voice down so that the corridor's
echo wouldn't carry it far, "how did you become a Sailor S...soldier?"

	Terra shook her head.  Besides it being a very strange tale, it was quickly
becoming to her a very unpleasant one.  It wasn't so much that she couldn't
figure out how to say, it was more that she preferred not to relive the
experience in her mind any more than necessary.  "It's a long story."

	"You promised you'd tell me."  Usagi looked at the clock.  "And we've got
time."

	The Irish girl looked at her feet, thought it over, and finally nodded.  "All
right.  First of all, do you know what an ArbyFish is?"

	"Um, no.  What?"

	"You don't want to know.  You don't ever want to meet one.  If you do, it'll
curse you, make your life a living torture chamber, and there's no way to stop
it.  Ever.  Second, have you ever become smarter by getting your head bashed in
by a musical instrument?"

	"Er--?"

	"Didn't think so.  Well, now that we've established that, I can tell you what
my life's been like for the past couple of days."

	The two girls chatted softly.  Terra told her story, about how she'd come from
Ireland not knowing what to expect, and how things had become progressively
more confusing... but then she finally got a hold of herself and discussed how
great it was to have met new friends like Naru and Usagi.

	"Terra-chan," Usagi said.

	"Just Terra," the other corrected.

	"Oh, right.  Terra, I'm glad you and I can be friends."

	Terra Incognita looked at her companion.  Just staring into those sweet,
innocent eyes of her, she could feel the warm welcome, and smiled back.  "Yeah,
me too."

	Suddenly, despite the rotten things that had happened, even outside in a form
of undeserved detention, the world didn't seem so bad after all.

---End of Chapter 3

And now it's time for... MIND YOUR MANNERS!!! with Sailor Nuke:

(Scene of Terra running toward the burning Osa-P with the determination to
become a heroine.)

Sailor Nuke:  Some people just act too brainy for their own good.

Sailor Kawaii:  Terra's been so sharp lately, she might cut herself.

(Terra bolts from the oncoming possessed horde.)

Sailor Nuke:  And nobody likes a smart-donkey!

(Tuxedo Kamen comes in and beats down all the attackers.)

Sailor Kawaii:  But she did get one thing right today.  She acted cute and made
that nice man do all the work for her.

(Arby smiles and stuffs a sack of mutated mushrooms down the back of Terra's
pajamas)

Sailor Kawaii:  And, we have to remember, cute takes all kinds of forms.  See? 
That was really 'cute.'  And he got away with it!

(The Star Light Knight blasts away at dozens of youma)

Sailor Nuke:  But take this guy, for example.  He doesn't have any of those
problems.  You know why?

Sailor Kawaii:  He's... cute in an aggressive masculine sort of way.

Sailor Nuke:  He goes ahead and blows stuff up!  THAT's how you're supposed to
deal with problems!  Sailor Nuke sez.  BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAA!!

Sailor Kawaii:  But if you can't do that, then focus on looking pretty and make
someone else do the work.  Sailor Kawaii says!  Tee-hee!

--
Benjamin A Oliver
boliver@email.arizona.edu

Second-Year Management Information Systems Graduate Student
Eller College of Management
University of Arizona

Writings: Fan Fiction
http://boliver.florestica.com/

Webcomic: Nuke 'Em 'Till They Glow!! The Early Years
http://nettg.com


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