DB Sommer wrote:

Through the wood Nabiki could hear water running. Perfect. If the girl 
was next to a faucet, it meant her guard was down. Though what sort of 
intruder used a bathroom before stealing things?

  	In *this* crossover?  Well, there's the Whizzer....

"Get out!" Ranma shouted, covering himself with the empty bucket.

	"I'm sorry, did you say *out* or *oof*?"

"Out? Yes, I suppose I should." With her view of Ranma blocked, she 
possessed enough of her faculties to turn and leave. Her eyes were still 
widened in disbelief as she headed to her room. Ranma was a hunk of beef 
in every sense of the word. Every derogatory term about endowed men went 
through her mind. She decided none of them really did Ranma justice.

	"Derogatory"?  Sug "vulgar metaphor"

When Nabiki eventually drifted off to sleep, she had very pleasant 
dreams indeed.

	Heh.

Ranma sounded morose. "But Mom hates me. She even hates my other 
superhero identity. It's like she hates me two times over. Do you know 
what it's like when your mom goes on nationwide television, telling 
everyone she hates you and founds an organization that wants to bring 
you down?"

	....

"No, I'd say that's something fairly unique that's happened only to 
you," Genma admitted.

	Hang on, this is a Marvel crossover!  There has to be at least *one* 
other person this has happened to....

Morning arrived, and with it so did Nabiki. Yawning, she headed directly 

	<snerk>  I note you used 'arrived' rather than 'came.'

  > Akane nodded. "There more to a guy than the size of his�" She trailed

off as Nabiki grabbed a zucchini and held it up. She went through the 
courtesy of pretending to examine it, but the gesture was not lost on 
either girl.

"You've got to be kidding," Akane said.

"It was probably bigger. That was him at 'half-mast'," Nabiki clarified, 
placing the zucchini to her lips and began playing with it.

	<plotz>

"Oh my," Kasumi said in awe.

It was at that moment Soun entered the room. He was more than a bit 
disturbed to see Nabiki, behaving in a highly improper manner with a 
vegetable. "What's going on?"

Kasumi answered. "Good news, Father. Nabiki is showing an interest in 
Ranma."

	BWAHAHHAAAA!

Nabiki nearly choked on the zucchini

Soun looked upon Nabiki in a new light. "You don't say."

Nabiki was still gagging as Akane added her opinion. "Yep. She peeked on 
him in the bath."

	ROTFL.  Oh, this is *priceless*!  The same thing that always happens 
to canon-Ranma, but now Nabs is on the receiving end.

Finally extracting the large vegetable, Nabiki choked out, "It was an 
accident."

Her attempt at recovering lost ground did little good as Kasumi added, 
"She was just telling us how impressed she was with his� manliness."

"Going on about its great length. I mean going on about it at great 
length," Akane corrected.

	<beating... head... against... table....>

Nabiki panicked. "There's more to men than the size of their--"

Soun cleared his throat in a very loud tone, ending that direction to 
the conversation. Seeing he had their attention, he continued. "You are 
quite correct about there being more to men than their physical 
attributes. Of course your mother used to be very impressed with my own--."

All three girls cleared their throats.

	Perfect.  Absolutely perfect.

Nabiki nearly choked again, this time without the benefit of trying to 
deep throat greenery. "What?"

	<snerk>

Mrs. Ono continued peering at Akane, as though she were looking into her 
very soul. "So, my dear, what are your feelings about Hydra?"

	Oops.  I'd forgotten that little connection.

"Fledgling governments often go through a brief period of civic unrest 
after overthrowing corrupt regimes that are established under the guise 
of 'free elections.' Besides, you know what they say; one man's 
terrorist is another man's freedom fighter. It all depends on who wins 
in the end and gets to write the history books. And continues to control 
them as others sometimes try to rewrite history." Mrs. Ono continued 
watching Akane closely. "What about the inroads in bio-technology Hydra 
has accomplished?"

	...good grief, she should go into politics.

Before Akane could say anything further, Mrs. Ono interrupted. "How 
wonderful to see a young woman who's so responsible. It's so hard to 
find one in this day and age. And such nice hips."

	No argument the-- er, I mean, um... I'll shut up now.

That seemed to please the old woman. "I see, I see. Tell me, what are 
your feelings regarding the organization known as Hydra?"

	Ohboy.

"The terrorists?" Kasumi said with excitement in her voice. "They 
deserve to be blasted powerfully and repeatedly for their numerous 
crimes. The Avengers should be the one's to take them down, especially 
the Wasp. She'd enjoy stinging all of those bad people as punishment for 
the awful things they've done."

	Fortunately, since everyone in this 'fic has the average Marvel 
Universe IQ, her secret identity is still safe.

Akane and Kasumi in stunned silence as the door swung shut.

	What did they do?

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Three women waited patiently before the JumboTron-sized view screen that 
dominated the cathedral-like chamber of the secret sublevel of Hydra's 
main headquarters.

	For some reason, I'm put in mind of the Kree Supreme Intelligence.

It was that that moment the view screen flickered on and the green cowl 
of the Imperial Hydra appeared. Before the women could shout out the 
Hydra motto, a deep male voice interrupted them. "I'm in a hurry, my 
Grapplers. I have an important mission for one of you."

	I've got a bad feeling about this.

"I see. I see," the Imperial Hydra said. "Now, for the most important 
question of all: which of you has the biggest hips?"

Titania and Letha both stared at their enormous comrade.

"I won the Miss Big Hips contest last year," Poundcakes said proudly.

	...I don't want to know.

The Imperial Hydra turned toward the picture next to her. "It's not the 
best picture of him. He never did take pictures well. You should see his 
driver's license. Boy looks like he's stoned out of his mind."

	Like I said earlier about secret IDs...

He hated superheroing and was counting the days until Kasumi would 
revert to her normal, placid self, eager to make hearth and home her top 
priority. But anymore now all she ever did was talk about superheroing, 
fighting tactics, which villain she hoped they would fight next, and 
what costume she should wear to their next Avengers meeting. It was 
troublesome, and heaped a world of pressure on his shoulders. He wanted 
nothing to do with dressing gaudily and beating up people that needed 
therapy, not bludgeoning. The only reason he put up with the aggravation 
was for Kasumi's sake, but the pressure was building.

	<boggle>  What, did the Doc get Peter Parker's free-floating angst 
allotment or something?
	And, Doc -- most of these guys, you can't therapize them until 
*after* you've restrained them.  Which usually includes lots and lots 
of bludgeoning.

On top of some papers was a gleaming metal flask filled with brandy. It 
had been a gift from some of his medical school friends upon his 
graduation. Tofu had been a bit of a party animal during his college 
days, which would have surprised many. More than once he had hit the 
bottle hard enough to make him swear off liquor for the rest of his 
life, only to repeat the actions the very next weekend. Still, he had 
chosen to stop his drinking after graduation, only occasionally tying 
one on from time to time. It was periodic, and he hadn't touched a drop 
in well over a year. In fact, he had only kept the flask around out of 
habit. But now�.

	Uh oh.  I don't recall Hank Pym having a booze problem, but...

"Knock, Mother!" Tofu snarled. His hands were a blur as the top was 
screwed back on and shoved the flask to the back of the drawer.

Rather than being chagrined, Mrs. Ono took the initiative. "Don't take 
that tone with me, young man. I taught you to respect your elders, and 
if you've forgotten that, well, it's not too late for you to relearn them."

	I've got yer respect right here, you old-- um, nevermind.

She cut him off, his reaction anticipated. "But I do need you to provide 
me with grandchildren. When is the last time you dated?"

	Oh, brother.

Tofu sighed. She wasn't giving him even the hint of an option. Best to 
cut his losses and save his struggles for the upcoming date. "Yes, 
Mother." He officially acquiesced. He'd spend some time with the girl, 
pretend he enjoyed himself, and then tell her it just wasn't working out 
between them. And if that didn't work, the old, 'Before this goes any 
further, you should know I have a highly contagious sexually transmitted 
disease' would send her packing. That one never failed.

	(Un)fortunately, Poundcakes knows somebody in Hydra's Bio-Science 
section.  After all, if Mad Science can't cure STDs, what's is good for?
	...don't answer that.

"No, bad," Akane insisted. "This girl is completely wrong for him."

"Have you met her?"

Akane wrung her hands, hesitating before answering. "Well, no, but I 
just know she's wrong for him."

"Because she's not you?"

	It's nice to know that they're still Ranma characters, even if they 
have been Marvel-ized.

Akane glared as evilly as she ever had at her sister. Between the 
offhand manner in which she tossed aside Akane's love, as well as her 
transparent ploys at using her to get out of something she didn't want 
to do, made her more resentful than she could ever remember being. "Do 
you really think only about yourself?"

	"Between" and "made" don't match.  Sug:  "...do, Akane was more 
resentful..."

Nabiki smiled warmly. "Excellent. Why, with us going out like this, one 
could think of it as a date of sorts."

	<facepalm>

Draining the last of wine from his glass, and flagging down a waiter to 
get another one, Tofu began to talk, slurring just a bit, "So, what is 
it you do for a living?"

	I'm beginning to get a bit worried about Tofu and the sauce.

"Aren't they all?" Tofu said tiredly, tempted to tell her about the one 
with the normal doctor who one day discovered he could grow to a height 

	Sug:  "..tell her the one about the normal doctor..."

Titania nodded. "If she hasn't clotheslined him by now, thing are 
probably going well."

	<shudder>

"She's overprotective of her boss. She's afraid if he marries she'll be 
out of a job." It was an oversimplification of things, but it was better 

	Sug:  oversimplification<>misrepresentation

Ranma was about to panic when he saw two suspicious figures in 
trenchcoats confront Akane. He could tell by their belligerent postures 
something bad was about to happen. He had never been so happy to see 
someone threatened in his life. "Hey, we have to stop them!" Ranma 
immediately broke cover and ran toward Akane.

	Odd, the things you can learn to appreciate.

"Who the hell are you and what's this girl to you?" Titania asked as 
Letha remained to the side, watching events unfold.

"I'm Cap--." Ranma bit his tongue. "Ranma Saotome, and I'm cohabitating 
with that girl."

	....not gonna say it.

"Don't make it sound so sordid!" Akane shouted.

	I'll just let Akane say it.

Nabiki brushed her hands casually. "Geez, Ranma, who taught you to 
fight? Always go for the cheap shot when it presents itself. Letting 
someone know you're around like that is practically begging to get your 
ass kicked."

	"Aww, tell it to the Sailor Senshi."

Offended, Ranma said, "Sometimes you can defuse a situation with words 
instead of resorting to violence."

	...okay, who are you, and what did you do with the real Ranma?

Nabiki arched an eyebrow. "Oh, and how often does it work for you?"

	'swhat *I* wanna know.

Titania snarled and charged. Convinced she had the measure of her 
opponent's abilities, Nabiki went for a high kick intended to end the 
fight in quick and dramatic fashion. However Titania shifted the point 
of her attack as Nabiki lashed out with her leg. The older woman aimed 
lower, tackling Nabiki's pivot leg and knocking her down. Titania then 
rolled up holding onto Nabiki's leg. She sat up on her haunches on top 
of Nabiki's back, pinning her to the ground. She tucked the leg under 
her arm and pulled backward on it. "A half-Boston crab should be enough 
to finish you off."

	Ow.  Darn it, Nabs, you should know better than to let a grappler get 
her hands on you.

Titania's response was to try to hit Ranma with an elbow, but he 
casually blocked it. Titania was quick to follow up with a high spinning 
back kick. Ranma ducked under the kick, then came up with a palm strike 
to the woman's jaw and a punch to her gut. Far more powerful than 
anything Nabiki had done, Titania fell to one knee, winded.

	Misplaced comma.  Sug:  "..gut, far more... done.  Titania..."

Ranma tried to finish the fight with a tremendous punch to the jaw. 
Letha backpedaled even as the fist came crashing toward her. It glanced 
off her shoulder. Ranma was mentally calculating his next attack when 
she grabbed the fist with both hands. Snake quick she raised her entire 
body up, locking her legs around Ranma's upper body while repositioning 
her grip on his arm, holding it out, extended and straight, while at the 
simultaneously trying to twist it in different directions. She was 
literally hanging in mid-air by Ranma's arm.

	"Hey!  No fair!"  <shaking arm wildly>  "GERROF!"

This time he swung her like a bat headfirst into a telephone pole. The 
force of the blow was too much for Letha, and she released the hold as 
her body remained right where it was while Ranma's arm continued on the 
follow through. She fell to the ground unmoving.

	<wub wub wub>

Ranma shook the kinks out of his arm, which still ached with the way it 
had been twisted. That had been a near thing. Still he could not help 
being concerned about his opponent, who lay limply on the ground. He 
walked over to her to check her out. "Hey, are you--"

As Ranma bent over her legs shot up, wrapping them around his neck. 
Before he could react she brought him forward rolling as she threw Ranma 
headfirst into the ground with her legs.

Groggily Letha returned to her feet, shaking her head. Amazingly, Ranma 
did the same.

The two stared at each other, and then smiled.

	Oooooh, boy.

'--And so that's how I won the Miss Big Hips competition last year. 
Maybe after dinner you could place those skilled physicians' hands of 
yours on them and get a firm grip, if you know what I mean," Poundcakes 
said.

	<shudder>

He was about to say as much when two figure came hurtling through the 
front window of the restaurant, sending a spray of glass everywhere. 
Their momentum was so great the skidded across landed the table, kicking 
the glass out of his hand.

	"theY skidded"

Unfortunately for Ranma, he was blocking one of Letha's punches at the 
time and took Poundcakes' kick in the side. A blow like that delivered 
from an ordinary person would have been annoying, but since it was 

	Sug:  'merely annoying'

backed my cybernetic vibratory circuitry, he was hurled through the air, 

	my<>by

and then a wall. He went sailing into the kitchen where he wiped out ten 
dinners about to be served up, as well as a souffl� that the chef had 
cooked to show his staff how one was properly done. He didn't get up.

	"Chef!  Wadda we do?"
	"Quick!  Tell the customers that our Surprise Special tonight is Long 
Pig -- and get my knives."

There was resentment in Tofu's voice as he spoke. "I just can't respect 
someone whose first response is violence. I want a girl who's gentle and 
nice. Who can remain calm and levelheaded through any crisis. One who 
would try to solve things peacefully. Frankly, you aren't even remotely 
the sort of person I'm interested in. You're more suited to be some 
senseless super-villainic brute."

	He needs Kasumi.  Just... Kasumi a bit more like her old self.

Akane panicked. She had been so concerned about Tofu she hadn't thought 
of a believable explanation. Her eyes darted around the room, then fell 
upon the perfect excuse. "I was with Ranma when that woman attacked him 
for no reason."

Tofu looked back and forth between the two. "You were on a date?"

"Never!" Akane said. "He was on a date with Nabiki and I sort of ran 
into them and we made it a threesome."

	Not gonna say it.

"I was in a threesome on college once," Tofu said dreamily. "Fraternity 
prank. Although I wasn't in the fraternity. It was one played on me. My 
ass was sore afterwards."

	...urk.

Akane looked scandalized.

"I got drunk and rolled down a hill, ending up with a bunch of scrapes 
with cinders in my backside. It's a long story. I'd better go help Ranma."

Akane became helplessly lost by the multiple directions the conversation 
had taken, and decided it was probably best to not try to sort it out; 
she might not have liked where it had been going.

	Good plan.

After Tofu gave Ranma a brief examination, and determined he suffered 
from nothing more than some sore ribs, the quartet left the 
establishment before somebody tried to hit them with the repair bill.

	I hear Damage Control, Inc is setting up a Tokyo branch.

Ranma stared at her blankly. "We were on a date?"

"A very interesting one. Be very clear on that if either of our fathers 
ask."

	Heh.



             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'