At 12:55 PM -0800 23/02/06, Brian Randall wrote:
Third time's a charm, eh? Hopefully the FFML is sated on all the fics
it's et up already....
I'm ... not quite sure what to say about this story. The writing quality
is up to your usual standard, and I didn't notice anything technical to pick
on. And, of course, it's always good to see you still writing. ^_^ All the
same ... something feels wrong.
Perhaps it's that it's taken too fast. The previous two short stories in
this series were setting up a R/U pairing in a fairly leisurely way --
gradual, faltering steps on the path, as it were. Then, suddenly, Ranma's
asking her to elope with him? It felt quite out of the blue. And after
that, all the pieces fall into place with remarkable ease -- the minimal
reaction from the Tendos seems curious, in particular. Akane essentially
says, "Oh, well, I was expecting it" and moves on.
In short, for all that the story is three times as long as its predecessors,
it felt rushed and far too pat. Don't get me wrong; I'm all in favour of
Ranma/Ukyou pairings. But that's just a personal reaction -- I have to
acknowledge that the canon doesn't really support them; so if one is to
succeed, it needs serious work from the author.
This was a sweet, pleasant read. But, sorry, I couldn't quite suspend
disbelief.
Cheers,
Angus