Very very late C&C, I know...oh well.

First, I'd just like to say I really like your writing style. Your prose is
very enjoyable to read. ^_^

"You bet, Ami!" Usagi chirped. "All present and accounted for!
Next stop, Yokohama and the best Marine Day ever! I'm going to eat cotton
candy and ride roller coasters 'till I'm sick!"
"Oh, THAT will be a fun ride back to the hotel," Rei groused,
covering her eyes with one hand. "Did Makoto have plans before or after
you shared your goals for this trip with her?"

Heh.

"They have a log flume, Ami! If museums want to compete with that,
they need either more logs, or more flumes."

This made me giggle.

"Fair enough," Usagi agreed, "but I stand by my right to gorge
myself on sugary treats and go in circles until I get dizzy."
"And how," Rei asked sarcastically, "is that different from every
other day we've known you?"

*SNRK*

"This time," Usagi explained as the train pulled in, "I'm going to
do it in Yokohama."

Great comeback!

"I guess that'll be okay," Ryo agreed. "I mean, it's not like he's
in the middle of the Evil Dynasty, or anything. What kind of trouble
could a guy like Shin get into in a crowded train station?"

You know, people should learn not to say things like this.

"I don't know what you're doing here," Sailor Mars said sternly,
"But I'm not going to let you get away with it. Surrender now, and we
don't have to do this." Standing with her arms crossed over her chest
atop a nearby street sign, the Senshi was silhouetted from behind by the
glaring sun. Her shadow stretched across the empty street to envelop the
form of her enemy as her long cloak of raven hair stirred gently in the
breeze.

Really nice imagery here. :)

Glass crunched underfoot, and Rei froze. He was near the window,
his helmet moving left to right as he scanned the interior of the shop.
Her chest heaving,

And how!

Rei stared up at the sports page. With a sense of detachment,
she noticed that the Yokohama BayStars were going to be playing the
Hanshin Tigers in the next few days. Shame Makoto couldn't make it: they
might have been able to catch the game. Maybe they would catch it anyway,
and bring her back all kinds of souvenirs to make her jealous. That would
be awesome...

Good lord, she thinks about the dumbest things in the middle of a fight.
o.o;

"This is a temporary setback," he moaned, drawing the crystal he
wore around his neck out from under his cuirass and letting it dangle
freely. "I'll be killing you momentarily."

That's what they all say when they're getting their butts kicked...

back. "I am Sailor Moon, and in the name of Emperor Meiji, Marine Day,
and the Kanagawa Board of Tourism, I will punish you!"

*laughing his ass off* Good work on Sailor Moon's speech, although she
sounded a bit too stiff in spots.

Ami shook her head as she ran through the billowing mist. What was
that Rei had been shouting? Something about there being two of them. Well,
the Sailor Senshi had dealt with youma who worked in teams before, and
they could handle another one if they had to. It was no wonder that poor
Sailor Mars had gotten such a pounding, if she had been outnumbered - it
had been a long time since Ami had seen any of them get that badly beaten
just from fighting a common youma.

Oh crap. This is not going to go well.

The important thing was to get back to the fight before Sailor
Moon got outclassed. Usagi had been growing weaker again lately, and her
attacks were not exactly as robust as they used to be. With Pegasus safely
back in the realm of dreams, his blessings were not reaching her as well
as they used to - she could only remain Sailor Moon for a few minutes at
a time, and transforming was getting more and more difficult as the power
inside her waned.

Erm.

You mean *SUPER* Sailormoon, right?

Cuz, y'know, the Pegasus has absolutely nothing to do with her regular
ability to transform. Her basic powers as Sailor Moon come from the
Ginzuishou at this point in time, and it'd take a hell of a lot more than a
few months of inactivity for THAT to weaken so drastically that Sailor Moon
couldn't stay transformed AT ALL for more than a few minutes. Without
Chibimoon and the Pegasus, at this stage, she STILL has her S-level
transformation, with the Moon Spiral Heart Attack finisher.

Just keep in mind that Sailor Moon = Princess Serenity = bonded with the
Ginzuishou, which = ultimate trump card in the SM universe.

In short, you can only *weaken* her with contrived plot devices. :P

I didn't want to fight a monster today, she thought wistfully, I
wanted to go to the Doll Museum. But the best laid plans of a Sailor
Senshi could always be counted on to go horribly awry...

Ain't that always the case?

*major snippage*

A very promising beginning, complaints about your handling of Sailor Moon
notwithstanding. C&C of other chapters to come later...



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