Already in a foul mood by having to wait on Shikamaru, she was none

too

happy to know that someone had been eavesdropping on her, and to make
matters worse, that she hadn't sensed his presence in the slightest.

I think the first comma here should be after and, rather than before.

Right, will change.  Thanks.

Actually, the BEST thing to do here would be to split it entirely, since the
comma looks awkward if you put it after and, but doesn't work grammatically
this way either.

Try:

"...she was none to happy...on her. And to make matters worse..."

Technically beginning a sentence with 'and' is a violation of some rule of
grammar, but in this instance, it's probably the path of least resistance.

Also, to facilitate this, you'd want to drop the word 'that' from the the
second sentence.

So, is it multi-part or a one-shot?  You need to make up your mind! :)

The thing is, I made this fic just because I love Shino and Temari and I'd
never seen a pairing of them before.  But then, I started getting ideas

for

other odd pairings like that, and thought about making a series of

one-shots

(if that's not some sort of paradox or something x_x) each about a

different

pairing.  So basically, it's the end of the first one-shot in a group of
one-shots...or something like that. :P

That'll work. :)


PSP. It's like soap you can drop outside.
              ~~*~~
The Eternal Lost Lurker
www.lurkerdrome.com



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