�This was a rotten time to run out of Green tea,� Koyomi Mizuhara said

No need to capitalise 'green'.

So when she heard footsteps behind her, she thought nothing of it.
People walked thought he park at night. No problem.

'through the', maybe?

The the footsteps behind her quickened; That made her look back. A tall

Then the ... also, you don't capitalise following a semicolon, and this
isn't the place you want to use a semicolon in any case. Just split it into
two sentences, or use a colon (after which you DO capitalise).

man was walking towards her, with what seemed like a very determined

This comma is not needed.

�Tomo?� Yomi looked around, but her vision was blurred. A moment later
it cleared a bit, as Tomo placed her glasses on her face.

Okay, I *may* have an issue with something right here, but I'll wait a bit
before I address it.

�No, Tomo! For the last time, I am not going to kill you!

�Aww, you're a spoilsport, Yomi. Ruining my big dramatic sacrificial

 exit.�

BRILLIANT characterisation of Tomo here.

�Darn. Well, I�m going to sleep on it. Let know when you're ready for
seconds.� Yomi saw that Tomo had drifted off to sleep. She filtrated on

Fixated, maybe?

At that moment, she heard a key turn in the lock. Her mother, dressed in
black entered the room and looked up. �Koyomi-chan!� she said. �You're
all right! Thank God, I was so worried!�

�Worried enough that you couldn't stand to see me, mother?�

�We can talk about that later. Are you hungry? I can whip up something.
What are you in the mood for?�

Yomi, almost outside herself, smiled showing a glitter of sharp teeth.
�Seconds.�

Ouch.

By the way, it's "beside herself". :P

The Eternal Lost Lurker
www.lurkerdrome.com



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