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Message-ID: <435073A2.1060809@seraphim-guard.com>
Date: Fri, 14 Oct 2005 20:12:34 -0700
From: "Michael P. Hopcroft" <michael@seraphim-guard.com>
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To: DB Sommer <sommert@connecttime.net>
CC: Michael Hopcroft <michael@mphpress.com>,  ffml@anifics.com
Subject: Re: [FFML] Re: [AzuDai] [Continuation] The Tao of Osaka-sensei Part
 1
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DB Sommer wrote:

And I'll take another few minutes to look this one over and fulfill my 
contriubtion to the list

  

And than ks much for that.

Michael Hopcroft wrote:

  

First part of a new series. C&C appreciated.

THE TAO OF OSAKA-SENSEI
 

    

Should be interesting.

  

I hope so.

1. Driving
 

    

And I see the scene divisions are here.

  

It organzies my thoughts, altghough soemtimes it's more organic than others.

“I never used to hang around with her. All she talked about was how  
wonderful her husband was. Still, if some gorgeous young guy takes over  
for her I'll be happy.”
 

    

Minamo: Why? He won't be interested in someone like you.
  

Yukari: Maybe not, but think of the fun I'll have watching you fall all 
over yourself trying to impress him!

“You must be thinking of Kagura, that swimmer.” Yukari said, trying to be  
helpful. “I must admit that was a coup, getting her into my class.”
 

    

 True

  

Yukari blanched visibly. “No. It' can't be. It can't possibly be...”

A young woman walked up to the group, smiling vacantly. “It has been a  
long time. I hope you'll be nice senpais for me.” she said, bowing  
 

    

My recommendation is 'me." She bowed...  and then making Yukari part of 
the next paragraph.


politely. Yukari suddenly grasped the horrible truth of her situation.

  

“OSAKA! You're Osaka!”

“Students calling me that is 

    

"Having the students..."

  

I wonder if Osaka would be that formal.

Osaka said “Well, first I sent in the application, and then I did the  
interview. Isn't that how you were hired?”
 

    

Yukari: No, the headmaster recognized me so I had to give him a blow job.

  

And go back every time she was about to get fired and do it again? 
Somehow I don't see that. Kimura asuide, the school is hardly Peyton 
Place. (And I address Kimura's situation somewhat in the next chapter).

“Miss Kasuga get very good marks in teaching college and displayed a sound  
knowledge of her subject matter. Besides, I seem to distinctly recall  
giving a chance to a certain English teacher whose own high school  
performance was, shall we say, less than stellar.” 

    

steller,

  

That's a word?

a new Zelda game coming out next year – and wait a  
minute, how the hell would a rookie teacher know about it?”

Osaka smiled. “I have connections.”
 

    

Heh. She's wised up a bit

  

For Osaka, inside knwoledge of the video game industry is only a side 
benefit.

“And what's in it for Taka? I mean, having to live with you?”

“Taka likes having me around. Says I'm a great source of ideas.”
 

    

Yes, I can see that

  

You too? I'm mulling over what to write about the beginning of their 
relationship. Nobody seduces a boyfriend quite the same way Osaka does....

Yukari slammed her fist on Osaka's desk. “Wait a minute – your roommate is a guy?!? You live with a guy?!?”
 

    

Yukari: Don't tell me you've landed a guy before I did.

  

Osaka: All right, then I won't.

Nyamo shouted out “Don't do it! It's a trick!”

“It's all right, Nyamo-senpai. What's the use of a trap if you don't walk  in?”
 

    

*Nod nod*
  
  

“I can do it,” Osaka said. “Sounds like a nice chance to get some free  
drinks.”
 

    

*Nod Nod*
  
Hmm. Last one fell a bit flat, but overall entertaining

  

It's not easy to come up with good jokes about hangovers, or the 
reaction one normally gets to the complete lack of one on someone who 
has drunk you under the table. Call it lack of personal experience.




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