-----Original Message-----

The Books of Doctor Tofu
A pair of spamfics by Larry F
 

% Ooo. Spamfic. Means I can do them quick.

Impression One:

**********

"...and I do too try to pay attention in class," said Ranma 

Saotome as 

he walked home from school. He was accompanied by his fiancee, Akane 
Tendo. "Can I help it if old man Okamura has a voice that would make 
the Emperor's monotone when he recites mantras sound exciting by 
comparison?"
 

% That's a heck of a sentence. Long enough and awkward that 
it took me a 
couple of read throughs to get what you meant. I'd reword it, even if 
Ranma does speak roughly.

	In the version I put on my web page, it was replaced by:

"...and I do too try to pay attention in class," said Ranma Saotome as he
was walking home from school. He was accompanied by his fianc�e, Akane
Tendo. "Can I help it if old man Okamura has a voice that would make a monk
reciting mantras sound exciting?"

"Like I really care about college? Once I'm out of high school, I'll 
probably go off on a dojo tour to learn more styles and to set up a 
name for myself. I'm not so stupid that I don't know that 

you or Nabiki 

would be better at running the business side of the dojo.

% Oh, I'm sure Akane would be thrilled at being categorized 
as a pencil 
pusher. And I'm not sure if Ranma is foolish enough to let Nabby near 
the books. No telling what she'd charge for her services. Probably 
everything but what's needed to keep her cash cow (Ranma and 
the dojo) 
operational.

	Ranma: "Hey, it's a compliment. I'm just pointin' out that Akane'd
be useful to have around even if she can't fight worth a darn. And Nabiki
would make sure we made a profit. Dunno if I'd ever see any of the money,
but we'd make a profit."

"Anyway, I'm gonna see if Kasumi has any snacks.

% Kasumi: I have Soylant Green for you. It's full of vitamins 
and many 
nutrients.

	LOL.

	Ranma: "Been there, done that. Larry wrote a spamfic about me called
'Dinner at the Tendos'' where I couldn't be called a picky eater, y'know?"

I'm hungry," Ranma stated.
After kicking off his shoes in the entrance, he turned 

right, following the

hallway leading towards the kitchen as Akane began climbing 

the stairs to

the second floor. As soon as he turned into the kitchen doorway, he
immediately noticed that the table which held Kasumi's 

microwave oven was

tilted at a precarious angle. A brief look was all that was 

needed to see

that one of the legs which 

'that' instead of 'which'

supported the appliance's weight was about two or
three inches shorter 

that's a bit exact for this piece. Honestly, I'd just say 
'was a couple 
of inches shorter.' It gets the idea across in a more natural 
way, IMO.

	Changed to "a few inches".

than the rest, having somehow been broken off in the
past.

Ranma was a bit startled

% startled seems like an awful strong reaction for this

	He's not startled by the table being broken. He was taken aback that
he hadn't noticed it before. Now that he has noticed, he can see the signs
that it's been broken for awhile. I was going on an idea that Ranma wouldn't
like to be ignorant of a detail in his home environment. Even though the
kitchen isn't his domain, things he's unaware of tend to bite him on the
backside.

that he hadn't noticed that before, and paused a
moment before greeting the eldest Tendo daughter,

Just use Kasumi here. It hasn't been overused or appeared 
earlier in the 
same sentence.

who was standing before
 

% who stood before

the sink, gazing out the window at yard which separated the 

main house from

the dojo proper.
 

% I'd break that into two sentences as well. It meanders too long.

	Fair enough. It's a minor detail, so I've changed it to "She stood
at the sink, drying a bowl she'd just washed."

"Hey, Kasumi. What's with the table? How come I never seen 

it was broken

like that?"
 

% Hmm. Wouldn't it be more obvious for him to think it broke today?

	Now that he's noticed, the signs are clear that it's not a fresh
break. The wood is weathered. I'll add something to that effect.

"Oh, welcome home, Ranma. The table? I usually have a book 

under the leg to

keep it level, but I had to return it earlier today."

"Return it...? You mean... that's what you use those books 

you borrow from

Doctor Tofu for?!"

"Well, of course, silly. You don't think I actually -read- 

those dry, dusty

old things, do you?"
 

% Bad as the books they use in furniture stores, are they? :)

"Oh, my god," he gasped as he desperately tried to quell the 

guffaws that

were threatening to do him in. "A hardbound edition of the 'Harlequin
Romance Anthology, Volume Twenty'? Who'd have ever thought 

that the doc was

addicted to trashy romance novels?!"
 

% Ranma: Or that I'm bored enough to read them. Hmm. "He ripped 
Blossom's bodice from her bosom as they sweat clung to their 
bodies...."

% Amusing ideas, which worked well for this spamfic.

DB Sommer

	Thank you, sir. Glad you approve.



     Ja mata,
     Larry F

     The Lost Library of Florestica
     http://florestica.com/

     La Biblioteca Perdida de Phantasia
     (The Lost Library of Phantasia)
     http://phantasiaca.tripod.com/ 

     Nuke 'Em 'Till They Glow!! The Early Years
     http://nettg.com/



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