This fic is due for an extensive rewrite, per public and private C&C
given soon after I first posted this draft.  Unfortunately, I have yet
to find the muse to properly do so.  I'd intended to do it within a
week or two of the original, but inspiration to properly revisit it
simply failed to materialize each time I tried...and I suspect my
revision would be crap (worse than the original) if I pressed on
anyway.  So with that in mind, I'll skip the bits that are likely to be
taken out in the rewrite.

--- Chester Castaneda <gabriel_abdiel@yahoo.com> wrote:

Hmmm... an Original type fic. And an introductory one at that. ^^; So
I guess I'll leave my canon
nitpicker self at home, since, well, you're practically establishing
your own canon here. :P

It is one of the benefits of doing original fics.

On 6/26/05, Adrian Tymes <wingcat@pacbell.net> wrote:

That drop of sweat had nearly killed her.

It must have been a super-megaton sweatdrop that instantaneously
dehydrated her poor body. 

Nah.  That's Translucent Terror, who unfortunately is more often on the
receiving than the giving end of shock, horror, and the like - and her
powers adjusted to fit.

Breathing fire always left a bad taste in her mouth, over and above
the charred pork stench from her target.  But it was quite

effective,

especially when aimed into his open mouth.  

Nitpick: While I'm all for superpowers and stuff, usually magical
girls (even newer, grittier
fanfiction ones like yours) tend to stick to a theme. So what is
Scarlet Fury's theme? Spider or
Fire or Fire Spider, if there's such an animal?

Navajo mythology - Spider Woman.  (This is actually her spirit/animal
advisor...and in the original myths, Spider Woman's general role is
similar, helping the heroes acquire the power of the sun to vanquish
monsters.  I figured I'd toss this in just to see if anyone got the
reference - and as an alt to advisors based on Japanese myths.)  Not
connected to more recent comics' Spider Man.

though the 'I'm
tired of being a magical girl and
I never asked for this responsibility in the first place so please
let me lead an ordinary life'
thing is fast becoming a cliche in and of itself

This is, perhaps, one of the reasons why I'm finding it difficult to
get inspiration: trying to avoid cliches, when the central plot is
itself a cliche.

The way the story was presented is reminiscent of how spamfics are
usually done (not that I'm
saying this fic should be auto-deleted as irrelevant spam... I'm only
noting their similarities).
This fic is barely over 10kb, and was seemingly written either for
humor or shock value (i.e. a
parody or short fic with a punchline), just like a spamfic.

"Short parody with a punchline" does kind of describe what I was going
for, kind of.  But not the humorous kind of punch.

Considering the
length of the fic and the development of the characters, what's
missing in this fic is... well,
more of this fic. ^_^ For a spamfic, the characters are too...
well-developed

...I didn't think I'd ever be said to have pulled *that* off.  O_o

In any case, ignore my whiny 'Awww, I was expecting more of an MG
parody fic with potential, and I
ended up with a cheap spamfic' comments if you'd like. I'm only
"keeping it real" and telling you
straight out what I thought about the fic. That's my two cents. 

That's all I can ask for.  Thanks.  (And sorry if finding out it was
already due for a rewrite made you think you wasted your time - but as
was pointed out, the quest to parody MG made it stray so far that it
wasn't really MG any more, just generic supers.)

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