On Tue, 13 Sep 2005, David Andersson wrote:

On the other hand it sort of depresses me that even
those have to use some sort of nasty subtexts baked
in. In this case that women should stay in the home,
not get uppity and mouth off, as well as that
'throwing money at things' i.e. making donations is a
bad thing even though relief workers, teachers etc
need plenty of support to make an impact.

At the risk of starting one of those long spiraling threads that devolve
into uselessness (I hope people exercise some moderation before throwing
in their two cents), what would you rather have seen in terms of writing?
That the person narrating not express an opinion or position on what
they're seeing?  If so, it would seem that you're really saying that you
want an objective narrator(who is, of course, not staying at home, or
getting angry at others).  What would make an objective narrative
viewpoint any better?

On the other hand, perhaps you don't have a problem with a character
espousing a particular message, so much as the "hidden" aspects of it.
What would have been the better way to do it, then?  Something similar to
the dialogues in The Republic?

  I believe X!
  Let us determine whether X is indeed the case.  Would you believe that Y
is true?
  Why yes, Socrates.
  And therefore, you would agree that Z is true, right?
  But of course, Socrates.
  (etc...)


As someone who aspires to be somewhat more than a hack writer, I'm always
interested in ways to improve my writing.  I thought Tabyk's style to be
quite well polished in this fic, but if there's a better way to do it, I
would like to know.  Out of curiosity, how would you have written the
"throwing money" paragraph?


Then, there's also your rant on particular "subtexts" which I would love
to debate, but since this is a list for fixing draft fiction and not for
political debate, there's really no sense in dragging hundreds of other
people into it (most of whom are likely to be annoyed at their inboxes
being flooded with such off-topic content, and would probably give rise to
claims of trolling and similar such bad behaviour).  If you're actually
interested in having some sort of discussion about it and how it might
relate to the fic (I've been working on a draft fic with a similar
character for over a year), I'd be happy to do that with you, but I'd like
to do it privately.

In any case I'm curious about the spectacled chinese
girl.

<snip>

Also who was his unspecified wife anyway? The dojo
inheritance made it seem like Akane or maybe Kasumi,
but I don't remember hearing _a specified_ dojo so it
could be Ukyou for all I know.

Would explaining any of this really help the story?  I rather like the
ambiguity, myself.  Not only does it minimize nonessential aspects of the
story, it also avoids "Ranma fiancee factionalism", something that many
older FFML members may recall.

-Natsume Ranma Ranma
-------
The sardines weren't worth the trouble.  A few more shots, then
Ryoga-san would overheat and explode.  Ducking around a corner,
I managed to lose him as I entered the ramshackle residence of
my Anime supplier.

One look at his face and I knew that I had been betrayed.  "Tell me,"
I insisted.  He refused, so I slammed him against the wall.
"Last chance.  Where can Ranma-Ranma find good fanfics?"
"Try Jason Liao," he whispered, before he slumped to the floor.
I heard the sounds of a door splintering as I left through the
window, one step ahead of Tendo Heavy Industries...

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