Adrian Tymes <wingcat@pacbell.net> wrote:
"its" - no apostrophe. The apostrophe is short for "it is" (which you
do have correctly later on, in "It's cruising").
Man, I'm dumb... Will change.
"long range"
Will change.
"Federation", if you're referencing or parodying the entity from Star
Trek (where Federation was part of the official name, and thus a proper
noun, and thus always capitalized).
Done.
"searching for new races"
Done.
Helmswoman - Yukari
Damage Control Budget - Overwhelming
Yep, her first test flight shows it...
Weapons Officer - Tomo
Security Chief - Yomi
Whose main method of enforcing security is probably keeping Tomo away
>from the weapons.
Oh yeah, she locks the controls regularly.
"Osaka's"
Done.
Nyaomo sits frozen in her chair.
"Nyamo"
Where did that come from? Changed...
"after all"
Done.
be staring right through, maybe deep in thought about the purpose
of live,
"of life".
Already done.
If this is a diplomatic ship...I almost hesitate to suggest a bit on
Nyamo's inability to get a boyfriend affecting her missions, but
romance and diplomacy are not that far apart. Especially if you were
to parody Kirk's (mostly fanon) abilities in that regard. And double
especially if the real reason for her inability was the same here as in
AD.
Heh, I already thought about that, but couldn't come up with something
good. This will change, I hope.
Thanks for your C&C.
Ja
Christian "Schobronics" Schober