Subject: [FFML] Re: [Ranma-Flame of Recca] [Revised] Heaven and Earth Prologue
From: John Campbell
Date: 9/10/2005, 7:25 PM
To: arun prabhu
CC: ffml@anifics.com


arun prabhu wrote:

Many thanks to John Campbell for his help. I know I
didn't make all the changes you'd suggested and I'm
not sure whether I used the same voice throughout but
I cannot help the latter seeing as how I slept through
most of my grammar classes and know zilch about
grammar. ^_^;;

Hey.  You know more about grammar than 90% of the authors out there (and 
99.9% of your readers.)   At least you've got the right words in the 
right places...  And you don't seem to have much of a "tense" problem.  
No "is/was" or "then/than" shifting.

It's not about making all, or even any of the changes.  It's about the 
story.

You chose to tone down the dream-like imagery and remove the Ryogaesque 
qualities.  Now the fact that it's a dream is a surprise.  And you 
resisted the urge to make it a cliffhanger by adding the paragraphs 
after the dream.  That's a plus in my book...

I knew the passage was a dream or vision when I looked at the author's 
name...  The original style has a name, I just can't remember what, and 
is almost impossible to carry through an entire story.  It tends to 
become grating fairly quickly, and is thus discouraged by your english 
teacher.  I read your "Destiny" some time ago and knew this wasn't your 
normal style.

Are you re-writing this story?  It didn't use to have a prologue.

I'm not sure I read the original, maybe I should.  But I'm looking 
forward to seeing it again.

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