hkmiller wrote:

DB Sommer wrote:

Munchies
An Azumanga Daioh
 

An AZD what?  fanfic?  shortfic?  snack?

% fanfic. Will ass.

~~The Other White Meat~~

Ten minutes remained before homeroom started when Osaka showed up.

Suggest "Osaka showed up just ten minutes before the start of homeroom."
A more active verb engages the reader more quickly.

% Will do so.

Osaka said, "I was just wondering if you'd taste good with fava beans 
and a fine Chianti."
 

Heh.

% Cannibal humor. Can't get enough of it. :)

The young girl's pig-tails shot up in shock.

Kagura said, "You saw 'Silence of the Lambs' last night, didn't you?"

Osaka was in awe. "Wow! How did you know?"
 

Heh.

% Osaka, wonders about the obvious and the not to obvious.

~~Gunning for First~~

Yukari entered the classroom smiling, which made the class wary.

Heh.  They know her well.

% Yep, well enough to fear her.

Chiyo said, "You forgot your lunch and are trying to mooch off ours, 
aren't you?"
 

I'm inclined to agree that Tomo ought to be the one saying this.  
Chiyo might very well
realize it before Tomo, but would be unlikely to say it.

% Done.

"In a heartbeat. Especially if that ingrate, Nyamo, wouldn't loan me 
enough money to get by. It's not like I don't get paid tomorrow," 
Yukari said at the same moment her stomach chose to growl.
 

Heh.  An expecially good punchline.

% Thanks.

"How about American Football?" Osaka asked.

Nyamo was taken aback by Osaka's selection. "We do have pads for it 
in the equipment room,

..not that any are in your size, ...

% I think Osaka in pads could work. Now i have shades of the Azu AMZ 
'Football' running in my head.

"And you can play with me!" Tomo shouted, emerging from the equipment 
room dressed in football gear as well. She tossed a football in the 
air. "How about we practice place kicking? I'll hold the ball, then 
you run up and kick it."
 

Heh.  Tomo as Lucy Van Pelt.  I can kind of see this, somehow:

~~ The  Doctor is In ~~

Yomi stared at the sign, which read "Psychoanalysis -  5 yen".  Behind 
the sign sat Tomo.

"No.  Just... No," she asserted, turning her back and walking away.

"I'll be your first patient," Osaka asserted joyfully, lying down on 
the couch.

% Yeah, she's like that. A definite siliarity there.

Another very nice job.  Thanks for writing and sharing!

%You're welcome. Thanks for looking it over and commenting.

DB Sommer

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