Subject: [FFML] Re: [Fanfic][Ranma/Multiple] Cast the Crying Dream - Chapter One
From: Teal Thanatos
Date: 8/10/2005, 9:41 PM
To: John Campbell
CC: ffml@anifics.com


On 8/10/05, John Campbell <jdc.rpv@cox.net> wrote:

Fallacies wrote:

On 8/9/05, John Campbell <jdc.rpv@cox.net> wrote:


a small female child clad in a black dress of Victorian make


You make the girl sound like a car.  "Small female child of Victorian
make"



The dress is of Victorian make.


Yes, I recognized that, I quoted the line before I mangled it.  I
understood what you meant.  I was just pointing out that it I thought
the phrasing was odd, and gave me an unusual impression that you might
not have intended.

Actually neither children or dresses have "makes," dresses have "styles"
or "designs," I'm not sure what children have.  "Make" implies being
stamped out in a factory somewhere.

I'm not sure why you want a "female child" rather than a "little girl"
but OK.  I'd say it should be "clad in a black Victorian styled dress"

I think its quite good as it is, The implication that the girl is
somehow manufactured fits with her behavior, requiring stasis and a
'spare supply of energy.'
Also, it suggests that Ranma and the girl have traveled through time,
or space, or universes...

The words "a black dress of Victorian make"  is quite well done, yes,
it is awkward... but the girl is too.
My theory is that she either picked up the dress in a Victorian Era or
has always worn it.


Teal

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