Fallacies wrote:

>From his shadow there stepped moonwards a small female child clad 

in a black dress of Victorian make. The crimson tresses beneath her 
morning cap were still despite the breeze, and the gaze of her 
cerulean eyes distant.
 

Moonwards isn't a direction...  It's like "Leeward" and "Windward" it's 
a quarter, not a direction.  It's useless unless you tell us where the 
moon is in the sky.  Unless of course you're actually heading toward the 
moon...

You make the girl sound like a car.  "Small female child of Victorian 
make"  And if you're going to go for "crimson tresses" and "cerulean 
eyes" you should use "midnight velvet," "ivory skin," and "robotic 
disposition."  I'd recommend going for red, blue, and black though.

"I understand," said Ranma, giving her a slight nod. "In the meantime, 
I'll see if can't locate analogues of the people we used to know."
 

Change that to "I'll see if I can't locate"

"I shall awaken in forty-eight hours," she said. "Earlier, if you should 
happen upon a spare supply of energy."
 

dump the "spare."  It makes it sound like batteries...unless she's a 
vampire?  Maybe looking to score a couple of misplaced children?

They looked on with a certain intensity as the spotlights trailed Son 
Goku across the vast floor of the Budoukan. Said personage was -- 
for the moment, at least -- the nucleus about which their monotonous 
lives revolved, and their dialogue was thus accordingly shaped:
 

You're talking about the monotonous lives of spotlights right?  If 
you're talking about "They" you should introduce them with more than a 
pronoun... something like "The people gathered" or "The pack of drunken 
morons."

"You gotta stop acting like this," said one of them, a youngish man 
with a staff hat and a goatee, seated behind a monstrosity of a camera 
near the edge of the stadium. "I don't understand why you have a 
problem with him."
 

A "staff hat" would be a hat normally worn by a staff officer in the 
military?

"When a fight's reduced to a matter of pitting raw power against 
more of the same," he said, "it's hard to claim with a straight face that 
there's any martial arts still involved. Son Goku's Tenkaichi amounts 
to a little more than a buncha muscle-bound Neanderthals engaging 
in a pissing contest. It ain't respectable."
 

YES!!!  Someone giving Dragon-ball the respect it deserves...  Bunch of 
tail draggers.  I can just hear Vagita yelling "I'm a martial artist 
too!"  Just because you can hoist yourself on your own petard and fire 
lasers out your nose doesn't make you a martial artist...

"Doesn't prevent the younger generation from cloning his techniques 
move-for-move," said the older man. "The complaint the more 
traditional schools have with institutions like the Tenkaichi is 
precisely that there's no emphasis on skill or diversity of technique 
anymore. Tournament fighting's become just another artless spectator 
sport, to their view."
 

Not to mention that it plays hell on the climate when someone blows up 
the moon...

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