On 8/9/05, John Campbell <jdc.rpv@cox.net> wrote:

a small female child clad in a black dress of Victorian make

You make the girl sound like a car.  "Small female child of Victorian
make"  

The dress is of Victorian make.

Change that to "I'll see if I can't locate"

Modified.

They looked on with a certain intensity as the spotlights trailed Son
Goku across the vast floor of the Budoukan. Said personage was --
for the moment, at least -- the nucleus about which their monotonous
lives revolved, and their dialogue was thus accordingly shaped:

You're talking about the monotonous lives of spotlights right?  If
you're talking about "They" you should introduce them with more than a
pronoun... something like "The people gathered" or "The pack of drunken
morons."

The pronoun to which "their" is identified to shouldn't be as
difficult to catch as you make it out to be ...

A "staff hat" would be a hat normally worn by a staff officer in the
military?

You work as staff at certain jobs and they give you a hat. It's part
of the uniform.

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